Support for those in Emotionally Abusive Relationships

[ViVee]

I thought it would be a good idea to start a thread, a place to vent, offer support, advice.

I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship but I'm trying to find the tools to fight back - I've recently started counselling & the Lundy Bancroft book (Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men) (recommended by mumsnetters) has become my bible.

Anyone else feel the same?

[Mouseface]

COME ON OVER, NEW THREAD

[Mouseface]

NEW THREAD HERE

[Mouseface]

Lots of support as Hissy said, whether you are IN or OUT of an abusive relationship.

Verbal abuse, sexual, physical or mental abuse. You can let it out on the new thread HERE and you will be listened to, in a safe, friendly environment.

[Mouseface]

NEW THREAD HERE

Come and say hi

[Mouseface]

MrsDrOwenHunt - Fanbloodytastic to see you here sweets.

Ma - I have no words other than it will end, it will all end one day. I promise. xx

I'm going to try and fill this thread so that everyone heads for the new one if that's okay.

[dementedma]

"went out for the day with H yesterday, he screamed at me in the car about something I'd done he didn't agree with. He said it's really serious. I said, what's serious is the way you are speaking to me. He ranted that I never listen to him, and now the dc's (teens) don't listen to him either. What he means of course by "listening" is OBEYING. There was so much I wanted to say to him then, so much truth I wanted to tell him, but as usual, I didn't. As usual there is always something else in the way - in this case meeting some people. So I shut up and hate him even more. Pathetic isn't it?

The rest of the day was a truce, but in the old days, I would have reverted to my jolly self, and found solace in passing the bad times, managing him. Now, I just don't care anymore, and I could barely be bothered to speak to him. I just let him chatter on. Trouble is, anger turned in on yourself turns to depression, doesn't it? I have never in my life been depressed. It's just not in my genes. But I feel something very close to it now. Such a sense of being trapped. Good to let it out here. "

Bloody Hell, seriously - are you ME???
could have written that word for word. Word for bloody word!!!

[bigbuttons]

I've started 2 new ones. One was all spelt wrong , it's too early!
This one's better www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1247062-Support-for-those-in-emotionally-abusive-relationships-2

[seriouslynow]

hi everyone,

ribbons, where are you off to?

loved the maya angelou stuff.

went out for the day with H yesterday, he screamed at me in the car about something I'd done he didn't agree with. He said it's really serious. I said, what's serious is the way you are speaking to me. He ranted that I never listen to him, and now the dc's (teens) don't listen to him either. What he means of course by "listening" is OBEYING. There was so much I wanted to say to him then, so much truth I wanted to tell him, but as usual, I didn't. As usual there is always something else in the way - in this case meeting some people. So I shut up and hate him even more. Pathetic isn't it?

The rest of the day was a truce, but in the old days, I would have reverted to my jolly self, and found solace in passing the bad times, managing him. Now, I just don't care anymore, and I could barely be bothered to speak to him. I just let him chatter on. Trouble is, anger turned in on yourself turns to depression, doesn't it? I have never in my life been depressed. It's just not in my genes. But I feel something very close to it now. Such a sense of being trapped. Good to let it out here.

And all of you lot, though I don't have the energy to comment on your posts, I'm reading every one. Welcome to the newbies and strength to the oldies.


Who's going to start a new thread, - same title with a number 2 on the end?

[HerHissyness]

going somewhere?

whistles innocently

[ribbonsandlace]

[HerHissyness]

you made it! Well done MrsDrOwenHunt!

this is a thread to share, to help, support and discuss issues we have while IN or OUT of an abusive relationship.

Just fire away with questions, comments or rants...

Welcome! Did you see? Mousey's here too!

[montbazens]

twould be great to keepthread going... it has really inspired me

[MrsDrOwenHunt]

hey can i join this thread?

[dementedma]

some soul food here too:

The Swan

Did you too see it, drifting, all night, on the black river?
Did you see it in the morning, rising into the silvery air -
An armful of white blossoms,
A perfect commotion of silk and linen as it leaned
into the bondage of its wings; a snowbank, a bank of lilies,
Biting the air with its black beak?
Did you hear it, fluting and whistling
A shrill dark music - like the rain pelting the trees - like a waterfall
Knifing down the black ledges?
And did you see it, finally, just under the clouds -
A white cross Streaming across the sky, its feet
Like black leaves, its wings Like the stretching light of the river?
And did you feel it, in your heart, how it pertained to everything?
And have you too finally figured out what beauty is for?
And have you changed your life?

©

[ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow]

Soul food

[dementedma]

agree the thread should be kept going, it's very helpful.
Where is the Soul Food thread please?

[ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow]

Heh, I do the short-lived obsessions too. I see it more as pent up energy and zest for life and creativity that was going to waste as stbxh spent his time ignoring me.

[MadameOvary]

Hissy you worded it just fine, and it's a good idea, I am just in a weird place and only really want to be a good Mum in a calm environment right now. In the past two years I have expressed my unhappiness in extreme ways by short-lived obsessions - usually ebay based. I did chocolate making, then baking, then jewellery making, then clothes making, then collecting cashmere (!) and now things have calmed down a bit and I'm just trying to be happy in my own headspace.
The ambition will spark later I think - hope so anyway.

Your stories sound fantastic - I made up one for DD involving a flying horse Yours probably have more structure than mine, I just embellish as I go along. It's lovely to take the DC's on a journey that we've imagined all by ourselves isn't it?

[HerHissyness]

Yes I worded that poorly didn't I, I just looked at it from my perspective, in that before all of this I was strong, independent, successful.

itsme: why don't you try a short story, a children's story even?

I've written 8 or 9 so far, for DS only, and have another one in my head from the weekend that needs getting down on paper too. I write them long hand, started them in Egypt, I didn't type them up, thankfully as the laptop there died, and I'd have lost them all. I don't know if they are any good, DS loves them, and that is all that matters.

I love this thread, it's so positive and it's so easy for us to see others around the boards and invite them on. It's another live resource for those that need it and it's a great hand holding thread for those of us that are already here.

[Mouseface]

If the title stays the same and just has numbers after it, that will help people to search and to look for it, and also it will become familiar on the boards so that other posters might actually point those in need, in the right direction.

[MadameOvary]

Agree Mouseface, this thread will shortly reach its limit and we need to keep it going - for everyone who might need it.

[Mouseface]

Hello all

I will go and catch up but I wanted to ask if we can please keep this/these threads going?

Reading all of the posts here and telling my own story, really helps xx

[MadameOvary]

Thank you ItsMe that genuinely helped make my day today a little less rubbish [weaksmile]

[ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow]

Also, I don't think it's so much about identifying the "old" you or younger you, but rather you at your best; the you that you can be. Whether that is a past or just a future person.

[ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow]

wow MadameOvary. I am genuinely impressed.

If your poems were worthy of publication once, they will be again, in a process that doesn't involve your X.

My biggest regret bigger even than the wasted time with stbxh is that I voluntarily chose to stop writing at 15, because I felt I wasn't good enough. I'm still too scared to try now: the tyranny of perfectionism runs deep. So I am impressed by anyone who has the courage to express themselves artistically. And your play was performed, too!