Warning. Very long.. not important that you read this, more important that I write it and acknowledge that it happened.. to me.
You know what is so ironic about not being able to post about my ex is that I left him over a year ago, so you would think that I would be over it already.
We met in another country where my family are from, about 10 years ago. I had just come out of another abusive relationship and was loving being
single. He was beautiful, charming and sweet and we got together quickly I moved to the other country for a short time, during which I made no friends and was mostly drunk. I could not understand why all potential friends were unsuitable, me spending time with them generating angry or sulky responses from him. I could not understand why my sweet man would suddenly and incomprehensively verbally attack random male friends for having mundane conversations with me.
We decided to move back to the UK. I sponsored his visa, funded his MA, let him live in my house and subsidised living costs for both of us. I was in debt to the tune of £30k within the year. In the end I had to sell my own house to clear the debt and start again.
He had a fling with a fellow student, and convinced me that I was imagining things when I found the incriminating emails. He started telling me that my friends and family were bad for me and behaved in an abusive manner towards me.
We decided to get married, it was a stressful time ? I was torn between being fundamentally suspicious of marriage and desperate to ?prove? my commitment to him and wanting him to love me openly and easily. I ended up spending a fortune on a wedding with a ?reception? in both countries, wearing an stupidly expensive dress. He remained detached, got drunk and somewhat aggressive at our UK wedding and apparently made a pass on one of my friends (I found out years later). In the other country he became aggressive, snarling at me every evening about how much of a failure I was and how unreasonable my family were. A terrible argument between my brother and him transpired which has never been forgotten by any of us.
Our relationship started to get volatile, me dreading him drinking and his inevitable rage that followed, shouted arguments, belongings broken, walls being punched, tears (his). We started to TTC, nothing happened and I convinced myself that I could not get pregnant. After a terrible argument I walked out, got very drunk and announced to my friends that the relationship was over. The next day I found out I was 10 weeks pregnant, then day after that I got offered a fantastic job in another city.
We stayed together and moved to the other city. The next few months were perfect, calm, loving.... we were a lovely little family and happy, (though his drinking continued unabated). I did however find a visa bill indicating he had spent £200 in a strip club. He managed to convince me it was an accident, led by his friends ? yes he understood the issues I had with strip clubs and mistreatment of women, etc, etc.
I went to back to work, it became stressful, the drinking rose, the anger at me for depending on him for nursery drop offs and pick ups grew..
I became overwhelmed with a sense of broodiness I have never felt before or since? I had to get pregnant, that was all I could think about. We had sex twice, I was pregnant again all became quiet and loving again, with my pregnancy, baby's birth and maternity leave being calm and peaceful times, that honestly, I will always cherish.
By the time our second child was 6 months old, the drinking was continuous, the criticism relentless, the rages daily, the sense of foreboding constant.. I then found a series of emails indicating a full blown affair between him and an OW. I rang him and told him the marriage was over. He returned 48 hours later, drunk tried to get the children to pack to leave threatening ?I would never see them again?, tried to leave to ?commit suicide?, wandered through the house with a knife threatening to self harm.. I called the police and ambulance who told me to leave the property. I did for an hour then returned
I physically left 2 months later. Since then we have had abusive calls, drunken threats, police called when he visited the kids, the works. It is tiring, I no longer own a house, or have a deposit to buy another one but am blessed with two beautiful, vibrant, happy children and life is so much better now than being with him.