MrsMiggins takes control of her life BACK

[MrsMiggins]

here it is then....have to still be MrsMiggins as its the lady out of Blackadder and nothing to do with my RL.....

God this is going to be so hard

I feel calm again
Had a shouting/crying fit at tea time so DS & DD were crying too then left them eating icecream in the kitchen

Then just spoke to H on phone & couldnt help myself - getting cross and accusing with him while I could hear the dispair in his voice.
Hes just said about talking about money etc so again, why cant I believe that its final?

feel a bit sorry for HER being in hospital although last night I suddenly wondered if she was pregnant and thats why he left - after all he allegedly ended it 8 weeks ago....see doing it to myself again

I must print off Ggglimpopo's list and stick it on every phone in the house :-

I will not cry/beg/plead/yell
I will be cool, dignified and distant
I will pamper myself
Myself and my children are the most important people in my world
I will eat at least one delicious thing per day
I will buy something I lust after and display it where it will make me smile (shoes did it for me)
I will have a to-die-for haircut

I deserve better. He will be sorry.

However I feel calm again and am going to finish the kitchen, and am going to have a lovely weekend, and have booked a babysitter for Monday night so I can go to the gym, and I have a lovely new handbag which says "ILCK - If Looks Could Kill", and new jeans & top, and bought DD lovely cardigan - I dont usually buy brand new clothes for my kids but H never fails to buy himself lots of new clothes.

and my friend said last night that if he goes skiing in the spring with HER, why dont I go another time? after all he has holiday and can look after the kids - even if it was just a long weekend....and shes right - if hes going to have them at weekends, I need to start saving so I can do nice things for myself

thanks you guys

I know I dont know you personally but you really have helped me from going mad

I will try to rant on here if I feel bad rather than lowering myself to rant at H who clearly doesnt care....

Yes, you are right, but at the moment you need support not somebody who could make you feel guilty for a situation you didn't call on yourself. Many women get PND but that doesn't mean that they deserve an unacceptable behaviour form their DHs. Just turn his point around...did you cheated on DH while he was working away all week? you didn't, but if it were you who was working away all week your DH's friend would also blame you if he had an affair. So please, don't pay attention to him, you are doing great, it will be difficult but it will get better, you are definitively a very strong person who is managing to claim her strong self back.

Well my marriage vows contain the words "for better or for worse", "in sickness and in health" and "'til death do us part". Now which part of that says ok to dip willy elsewhere if not getting enough at home?

That "friend" is not seeing things clearly. He's obviously rationalising why he can take H's side and remain his friend.

Get away from hime. He's not going to be a good line of support for you. Do what is best for YOU. Listening to that crap and it is crap! is not not going to help you feel better.

hi mrsm, glad to hear youre coping.
ignore so called friends.

MrsMiggins, I wish I'd come onto Mn last night because I was feeling very morose too... I think we just have to accept there are going to be good days and bad days. Yesterday was a particularly bad one for me as my Mum was given her latest prognosis and then h came to collect ds. By the way he walked in an dup to me both dd and I thought he was going to come up to me and kiss me... Took dd an dher friend out for a pizza early in the evening. It was a distraction but not enough... BUT we can do this. We deserve better

I would be tempted to put off this friend from visiting this weekend. I suspect his agenda is to get you "to see reason" and let dh back. When couples split up, it is very hard for friends to know how to behave; you want to stay friends with both parties but know that this is unlikely to be possible, so the best solution is to stop the split.

If he comes, he may well "work" on you to try to retrieve the relationship, which is really what you do not need at the moment. If he's coming purely to support you and provide you with much needed adult company and practical help, then fine; but if he's coming because he wants to get you back together, then that's not such a good idea. You may well end up doubting your actions to date (which have been mind-blowingly strong and positive) and end up feeling much more vulnerable than you are at the moment.

'great
on MSN to one of H's friends and he is actually now seeing my PND as a good enough reason for H to run off '

Some FRIEND! I cannot BELEIVE someone would have the audacity to tell someone who is so obviously hurting a nasty thing like that and still call themselves a friend.

'In sickness adn in health', that's supposed to mean something. So if your partner falls ill w/anything that leaves them less than 100% - cancer, depression, etc. - it's okay to f*&£ around?!

Don't think I'd let this excuse for a man near me just now.

The LAST thing you need is to feel bad about not putting up w/your spouses' continued lies and betrayal.

hi mrs miggins, been gone a while - left my dh also - and wow look what happens! i came back though and thigs are good here. but leaving made me stronger.
we are better people than them!
i wanted to say your words seem so much more positive and so much more sure of yourself.
good on you!
i sat down and thought about how i felt last week and i think, i dont mean to be forward, but you may be the same. the relationship has reached a point where i would rather be sad for a while and be without my dh than sad all the time and stay.
i know that both our dh's will lose the best women they could ever get but thats just it they lost. we didnt make that decision, that was theirs when they COULDNT KEEP THEIR PANTS ON!
stay strong and i hope your ok xxx

Oh Mrsmiggins. Thinking of you sending you vibes of strength. Hope he doesn't stay longer than can tolerate him. And I hope he doesn't play any dirty manipulative tricks... but I expect I'll read later that he did.

feel sick
he hasnt rung yet to say hes left - said he was going to try to leave at 2pm - will take him about 1hr 45mins
havent told DS that daddy is coming incase he doesnt

what if he rings to say he'll be here around 6pm intime for bath & bed?
is it still reasonable to let him do that?

Im worried about what Ds is going to think about the whole situation - I think he will say "Daddy's home" and then Im going to have to go all over it again this weekend

as for friend, I just dont know why he was sayin the things he did last night
said he could see why H would have gone elsewhere for sex but wasnt condoning the fact hes left again or that hes left the kids

then said they were coming to see me & the kids & not to discuss H so not sure how to take that either....maybe they are only coming cos wife thinks they should - at end of the day the 2 men went to school toghetrher so maybe the husband is thinking doesnt want to upset H
I dont care really....

Its obviously difficult for you and you are right to be upset but i can see why its a dilemma for them. They are friends to both of you and despite your H's wrongdoings i suppose its not appropriate for them to take sides. I wouldnt expect my friends to drop me over a real sh*te decision i made, i would expect them to be my friends and help me sort it out.

Sorry to be devils advocate but i dont think they mean to upset you its just your H has made this tough on everyone.

You are a very strong lady, and i think in time if you keep on going as you are you wont lose these people as friends (and undoubtedly they think your H has been a total prat), and a bit of normality will be restored.

Hope that makes sense?

Almost 4:00 has he bothered to call you yet? Are his clothes packed up? Have you collected all the paperwork? And how's that solicitor hunt coming along?

mrsmiggins, I think children of your sons age do need to be told more than once in situations like this. It is just so unfair that you are having to do it alone.

Not phoning is just a way of him thinking he has some control. You need to get the contact sorted asap... make a formal agreement with him. If he doesn't keep to agreed arrangements then it will go against him. If it is ad hoc (when it suits him) ds is likely to be unsettled and it means your life has to accommodate his whims.

Thinking of you.

Mrs M hope U can be strong. I remember how I felt when my x came to collect the remainder of his personal effects - yes bagged up, including every gift he had ever given me! Luckily my DD was a couple of weeks old so oblivious.

Someone told me my milk might dry up as a result of X leaving me for someone who had pretended to be my friend. At that point I became really determined my DD would have no reduction in the quality of her life, in food or any other matter. My determination that he would not prevail made be really strong. I think I coped by not being me, it was almost like I was acting out a role in a film. I was so calm and cool. Almost like I watching myself and the situation from above. Totally detached from it all. I still hate the B although have not heard from him since he left.

Where's our fab mrsmiggins? how are you this evening?

Does he like the hair? The jeans (not mention the bill)? The kitchen?

still here
I am being jolly and calm - he just looks miserable
hasnt mentioned the hair

I told him I was happy now to which he said that hed said we would be better apart
No I said, the reason I am happy is cos I am at peace & not worrying what hes up to - told him if hed left his job wouldhave had same effect
We never discussed me leaving he said
Rubbish
what a prat

he rang after 3pm and was the other end of the country so didnt get he til 5.30pm
so at 4pm I took the kids to the local ffamily pub & we had a lovely meal
he has had a cup of tea
has no clean clothes - Ive given him some dirty T-shirts

will probably cry when he leaves but he must be confused by my calmness

back later girls

good for you Mrs M...
& glad you had a lovely time with the children.

I am glad he is miserable. He deserves to be.

Well done Mrs M you are an inspiration!

I hope you included the jumpers that you've been painting in. Why you don't paint with them amazes me. Lol.

Hope you continue to stay calm. We're here for the sob sessions and the rants. He gets cool, calm and collected.

Keep strong!

MrsM
Not posted for a while as you've gone to the place that I saw us heading to a year or so ago and it hurts so much to see what's happening. however you are great- remember you caused none of this NONE. He broke the "contract" (marriage) if he had issues with you and your personal life he could have talked to you and got help for you both but he chose not too and went elsewhere. He risked it all and he's lost out.
He is however a parent and has financial and emotional responsibilities- why should he have all the "freedom"? He must amke regular times to see you children- they can survive this if they know where they stand He cannot play with their lives. I suggest you make appointments for him to see the children and keep a diary of the agreements (and when he fails to keep it)
Big kids- men in this situation! They think they can have it all- nice family, executive job, bit on the side- they take their ball home when they can't!!!!!!!!!!
You have done nothing wrong- keep strong and positive honey - you will always have the moral hogh ground!
Thinking of you.

Go MrsMiggins, sounds like you were fabulous! Don't feel bad if you need to curl up and cry afterwards (sort of post traumatic stress). Are there other things you can do to control your evirvonment/life? I did a lot of diy during the worst post-affair period, I think that doing something positive and creative is really helpful in recovery, also I think it helps to put a stamp on your home - kind of this is my place now.

I think that children can cope quite well with seperation, if they see that you are OK, but they do need to know when things are going to happen, as I don't think most young children like surprises. So an "appointments" diary sounds like a good way ahead, also I really think you should have at least the equivalent of one day a week off, otherwise he is seriously opting out of his responsibilities.