MrsMiggins takes control of her life BACK

[MrsMiggins]

here it is then....have to still be MrsMiggins as its the lady out of Blackadder and nothing to do with my RL.....

God this is going to be so hard

I feel calm again
Had a shouting/crying fit at tea time so DS & DD were crying too then left them eating icecream in the kitchen

Then just spoke to H on phone & couldnt help myself - getting cross and accusing with him while I could hear the dispair in his voice.
Hes just said about talking about money etc so again, why cant I believe that its final?

feel a bit sorry for HER being in hospital although last night I suddenly wondered if she was pregnant and thats why he left - after all he allegedly ended it 8 weeks ago....see doing it to myself again

I must print off Ggglimpopo's list and stick it on every phone in the house :-

I will not cry/beg/plead/yell
I will be cool, dignified and distant
I will pamper myself
Myself and my children are the most important people in my world
I will eat at least one delicious thing per day
I will buy something I lust after and display it where it will make me smile (shoes did it for me)
I will have a to-die-for haircut

I deserve better. He will be sorry.

However I feel calm again and am going to finish the kitchen, and am going to have a lovely weekend, and have booked a babysitter for Monday night so I can go to the gym, and I have a lovely new handbag which says "ILCK - If Looks Could Kill", and new jeans & top, and bought DD lovely cardigan - I dont usually buy brand new clothes for my kids but H never fails to buy himself lots of new clothes.

and my friend said last night that if he goes skiing in the spring with HER, why dont I go another time? after all he has holiday and can look after the kids - even if it was just a long weekend....and shes right - if hes going to have them at weekends, I need to start saving so I can do nice things for myself

thanks you guys

I know I dont know you personally but you really have helped me from going mad

I will try to rant on here if I feel bad rather than lowering myself to rant at H who clearly doesnt care....

First Xmas with H was amazingly good
H was at our house for 3 1/2 hrs and it felt sureal....I left him alone downstairs for a while so I could shower & just relax iN my bedroom....

he bought me some presents "from the children" which are going back to Next on 29th as a) dont want anything that H has chosen and b) dont like them !!

he got a little p#ssed off cos his parents phoned & I hogged the phone

today he turned up early so I could come to work but that has caused problems....I put a lock on the spare bedroom where the computer is....he is here to look after the children and he has access to every other room plus garage but he is fuming. Just phoned me at work & ranted on & on
maybe I shouldnt have done it but I have no reason to trust him plus he STILL wont give me an address to serve divorce papers
thinking of just going home & telling him to b@gger off

you sound great!!! good for you!!!

i'm sure he can go without his computer - tell the bugger to spend some time with his kids

i'm so happy how you are sounding!!! YAY!!!!!

Mrs M good for you inspirational as usual.

rofl MrsM!!!
Brilliant idea to put a lock on the computer room! (Just don't go giving my dh ideas)

You go girlfriend!!!!!!

Mrs M, when things settle a bit ie all post christmas activity, could you ask your xh to give you an address to serve the divorce papers or you have no choice but to send them to his workplace?? Maybe that'll make him take his finger out.
It's fine for him, so why are you not allowed to make a complete break from him...

dont know why he wont give me the address
he just keeps telling me that people at work wonder what my hurry is to get divorced.
I just want things finalised so I can make a fresh start.

I think he thinks Im going to stalk him but if i was going to do that, Id have already turned up at his work or sent nasty emails to all his collegues neither of which I have done.

I havent been nosey - didnt ask where he was spenDing Xmas (wasnt with his family tho) and still havent asked him where hes living

I left him with mediation documentation today so hopefully he'll get the msg

clearly I was right about the computer - hed have spent most of the day on it while my children sat watching TV all day

wonder if he'll turn up tomorrow....oh well my parents will have the kids or I wont go to work - would rather be with them anyway

i bet it really pi**es him off that you havent asked about christmas and his living arrangements!!!

God,MrsM,is he thick or what???
He leaves and is then surprised that you want to get divorced asap?
If my dh went off with another woman (esp. after the months of deceit so clearly described in your posts) I'd have the paperwork sorted in days!!!!

Still think the lock on the door was inspired!!

he says he has no address so send to his parents - this yr he went to their house twice so I said in that case I'll send to work.
he must be kipping on a mates floor (or her mums) but clearly has no intention of having the kids over night....coming to mine once a fortnight and kicking me out the house obviously suits him....

and hes wound me up tonight - calling me twisted and other things in front of kids
I lost it big time but so fed up with him swanning around and calling the shots.

3rd Jan solicitors open and I will give them his works address.

Legally, he should have a fixed address if he wants access/custody.... You might need to "remind" him of this.

well he doesnt seem to want overnight
I told him when he left (2 mths ago) that SHE couldnt see them for 6 mths - nothing about him not having them overnight....
he seems to have taken that as he doesnt have to bother having them for 6 mths

after tonight I cant have him swanning around the house so in the New Year we'll have to start properly and if he doesnt have a house, he'll have to take them to his parents.

while on the bike at the gym I thought about my book and that other thread about how people make you feel....for me personally I feel better when I look at how I can act to a situation not react....

You know MrsMiggins, I lurk on your thread a lot and I just want to say how proud I am of you. I want to stand up and cheer so many times.

You have been and continue to be incredibly strong and controlled. You operate with great dignity.

You go girl!
PMSL at the lock on the spare room! Truly inspired!

I have to say that when I nipped out to the gym I locked it again, and I felt good when I got back - calmer - and then unlocked the door for him to get some stuff - felt like the mummy letting her naughty child have a sweet

at the end of the day he was p'ssed cos I took control and stopped his fun
BUT he was meant to be looking after his kids and he had access to every single room (even my bedroom) so nothing prevented him doing this...in fact could be argued the computer would have done

hes a tw@t

hes still coming tomorrow though so I can go to work again - dont want to go - would rather have had the time with the kids BUT saves my holiday for other emergencies AND children have spent time with H...have to say he had made some things with glue and paper which were good....AND they'd tidied up and vacummed - how come he never did that when we were married

oh well

Hey,why don't you put a lock on another door-how about the bedroom for starters???

your brilliant!!! you make me laugh so hard!!! what a funny thing to wake up and read!!
oh "mr miggins" how the tables have turned!!! and rightly so!!
you rock mrs m you really do!!!

Ah Mrs. Miggins, you are a wise girl. There is no reason your H should have access to your office/computer (I'm assuming this room is also where you keep legal/financial papers). Maybe he wanted to collect his paperwork so you couldn't use it to prove his income. Or maybe he wanted to snoop around your computer to see what you've been up to.

He does sound like he wants to live both lives. Wants you not to seek a divorce so he can come home to wife and kids and house when he wants and then run off to bar/hotell with tramp/boss when he wants. Man with two lives. What planet is he on?

Im glad you all agree
H left home 2 months ago but still wants unrestricted access to computer
he prob thinks in 6 mths time hes still entitled to have a look

he maintains that he wanted software for copying DVDs and was going to make me copies too...aaah how thoughtful (not)

he got cross again this morning cos Im mucking up his social life by not coming home early - he left, he wants separate lives so why shouldnt I have a little ME time - not selfish I dont think.

I do agree uwilalalala he does seem to want to still have a say in our life. I have no privacy from him as he can phone every night and walk around my house whereas he wont even tell me which town he's living in and doesnt answer his phone

roll on new year - then I will start to put firm ground rules in

Ground rules are a must. Your house is no longer his home and he must act as a guest when there. What guest would expect access to every room and to use your computer??

It's about time that he started to realise just what he has set in motion with his selfish and cruel behaviour.

Well done to you MrsM. Don't forget you should probably have the divorce papers personally served if he won't provide you with a home address. If you send them to his office, he can claim he never received them.

Hi MrsMiggins, I think you probably should pursue the idea of him having the children at your PIL's house. I think that you would feel safer (given that you have a good relationship with them, and would know there is good backup) and it would also help to ensure that the children keep their strong relationship with their grandparents. I also can't think it would look good in court, if he can't even provide them with a place for a few hours!

Yes, I think PILs for Hs visits is a good idea. Your PILs might actually enjoy seeing the kids as well.

Okay, there are a few screws loose on this man. I mean he really doesn't seem to be completely in touch with reality. Does he actually know that he is getting divorced? And what has he got planned with the tramp? Is he going to marry her and have kids, or is he just going to shag her now and then (when her mummy and daddy aren't home). And does he think that you are going to set your children free to go to his home when you don't even know where that is?

It seems there are a whole lot of things he hasn't thought of.

he says I dont need to know where hes living.
says he doesnt have an address but wont say whether in hotel or kipping on floor.

think hes happy coming to mine once a fortnight and playing with kids while I have to leave the house for a few hours

NOT happening in New Year - have told him this
dont see why I have to go out for hours just cos he has no where to take the kids - his access will have to be reduced to a couple of hours til weather gets better OR he'll have to drive to his parents - trouble is thats over 2 hours away....as is his new "home"

to be honest dont think hes thought any of it through and even though he would deny it, I reckon hed still be at home now if I hadnt agreed he should leave

I have seen situations like this, and it seems like the man wants to keep hold of the family - even though he has left - in case things don't work out with the new woman - sort of a plan b. It just seems like his mentality is you are still his wife and he can just pick you up again if he wants to.

How would you feel if he wanted to come back because things didn't pan out with the bimbo? Would you take him back? I know for you it is far too soon - but what do you think he would do if you started to date? I think he still feels he 'has' you. It would be interesting to see what he said if you told him you had a date.

I think he needs to be made to see that he has burned his bridges. I think that proceeding with divorcing him would demonstrate this, make everything formal - including financial and children arrangements.

You are so strong and I admire you, I couldn't be as strong as you have been.

Agree with MTPW.

He's a bit like an adult child, returning to his parents house and raiding the cupboards and taking things for granted.

He needs to be involved in your childrens lives but not yours anymore.

Love the lock on the computer room door

trouble is that going to his parents is the easy way out
they will end up doing most of the childcare, they will be the ones to get up early while he lies in bed til 9am and on the Sat night he will go out drinking with his old school friends

so not exactly quality time with the kids

sounds petty I know but I find the access thing the only hard thing to deal with - I WANT to be with my children whereas for him going to his parents where he'll have to do bugger all is idea.

I know I have no choice though and the kids will enjoy seeing their grandparents

what also worries me is that my youngest is only 18mths and very much a mummy's girl....if he takes them away for the weekend, its not like Im round the corner is it?

its difficult when Ive done 95% of the childcare to suddenly hand it over

Mrs M it is difficult but because when they go you get the full time full on stuff it is sometimes necessary for you as well. Dont forget this is a rest for you too.

THe kids will always know who it was that cared for them and was there for them and they will grow up with a brilliant relationship with you and a tolerable one wiht your xh.