MrsMiggins takes control of her life BACK

[MrsMiggins]

here it is then....have to still be MrsMiggins as its the lady out of Blackadder and nothing to do with my RL.....

God this is going to be so hard

I feel calm again
Had a shouting/crying fit at tea time so DS & DD were crying too then left them eating icecream in the kitchen

Then just spoke to H on phone & couldnt help myself - getting cross and accusing with him while I could hear the dispair in his voice.
Hes just said about talking about money etc so again, why cant I believe that its final?

feel a bit sorry for HER being in hospital although last night I suddenly wondered if she was pregnant and thats why he left - after all he allegedly ended it 8 weeks ago....see doing it to myself again

I must print off Ggglimpopo's list and stick it on every phone in the house :-

I will not cry/beg/plead/yell
I will be cool, dignified and distant
I will pamper myself
Myself and my children are the most important people in my world
I will eat at least one delicious thing per day
I will buy something I lust after and display it where it will make me smile (shoes did it for me)
I will have a to-die-for haircut

I deserve better. He will be sorry.

However I feel calm again and am going to finish the kitchen, and am going to have a lovely weekend, and have booked a babysitter for Monday night so I can go to the gym, and I have a lovely new handbag which says "ILCK - If Looks Could Kill", and new jeans & top, and bought DD lovely cardigan - I dont usually buy brand new clothes for my kids but H never fails to buy himself lots of new clothes.

and my friend said last night that if he goes skiing in the spring with HER, why dont I go another time? after all he has holiday and can look after the kids - even if it was just a long weekend....and shes right - if hes going to have them at weekends, I need to start saving so I can do nice things for myself

thanks you guys

I know I dont know you personally but you really have helped me from going mad

I will try to rant on here if I feel bad rather than lowering myself to rant at H who clearly doesnt care....

Did you sell his stuff?

Mrs M

Major respect, you are doing really well, but don't be surprised if you feel down as well, you are going through the whole spectrum of emotions and at least you know what you are feeling. He on the other hand, has not really sat back and thought this through, he has just been browbeaten into doing what he is told by her.

As ye sow so shall ye reap.

What a twunt! Yeah, I can see his strategy - 'we're not getting on' and then 'here's my new girlfriend'. Well, you're a far better person than I am, b/c when I got that email from his work I'd have let slip that he was living with someone else - not mentioned her name or that, but certainly wouldn't have just let that ride.

I had an ex that told everyone we split up b/c 'it didn't work out'. He forgot to mention how his little verbal and emotional abuse pattern and alcoholism factored into it.

Besides, how can 'the two of you' sort things out when he moved in w/a third party who's obviously more important than his family?

What a tosser!

MrsM, what continues to puzzle me is how on earth this man managed to wear you down into a state of depression because you strike me as a woman of uncommon strength.

Give him everything he deserves.

Any chance you could leak to the work colleague just what is going on? I think that she (as the manager) would be in a wee bit of trouble at work. At the very least it would damage her work reputation. And wouldn't that be fun?

I think if you just mentioned that he was living w/someone else and to please not address emails to him at home anymore b/c of the mental anguish it causes you, that'd be enough to set the wheels in motion at his work . . .

For me it was enough to just say that H not living at home anymore - clearly people DONT know at work even that hes left
No point upsetting apple cart at work as I dont want him to lose his job & more importantly his income.
Besides I dont know anyone at his work so whats the point trying to get sympathy? Its of no interest.

As for how he managed to wear me down I just dont know. Perhaps combination of toddler & baby (this started when DS was 2 1/2 & DD was 6 mths) coupled wiht him working away a lot so not helping out at home AND his emotional withdrawal was too much....then when I thought he was having an affair I was too scared of the consequences & he kept denying it....who knows. It must seem strange as I do sound strong now - this is who I am (and actually who H fell in love with) Just lost my way....

all I know now is that although LGJ is right and I will have down moments, my up ones are more than this entire year and I will get through this.

he prob wont thank me for telling his family but he needs to feel uncomfortable and they need to know the truth.
Cant believe how nice his family are being especially his gran - H is golden boy - not now

Good on ya MrsM.
There are tonnes of usout here thinking about you and willing you on.

Can I say it again please??

What a tosser.

He was lying to his family, too. Bet that really p*ssed them off. And is seems he has a pattern of doing this to the women in his life. How embarrassing for his family.

They'll probably find out about it in his work somehow, anyway. Probably already have their suspicions. These things are hard to keep under wraps.

What a lying sack of s*&t, tho! How did he think he was going to get away w/just lying and lying?

Mrs Miggins,
I think I read somewhere that you work part time. Is that right? If you went full time, and your childcare costs increased, would H have to give you more money? Of course your benefits might go down then. So you'd have to work out the sums and see if you'd be better off. But I just thought I'd mention it in case it's a way to get more money out of him.

Did you tell your solicitor about the bank visit? Have you actually agreed a settlement with H? OOOOOh I hate him on your behalf.

no way Im working any more - 3 days enough for me to be without my kids
havent agreed anything with H - just an amount to be going on with

I told H's family the truth cos why should my family & friends be hurt & upset by his actions and his family be "protected"
it would be easier for them to accept we just didnt get on anymore rather than having to face truth that son is a rat and that SHE helped break up our marriage

Quite right, MrsM. Also, it's the truth. You split b/c he was cheating, not b/c you simply 'didn't get on anymore'. That's a lie, you did everything possible to 'get on'. Why should you live a lie you didn't tell?

MM so glad to hear your coping. Have tried to keep away from relationship threads at that stage where i don't want to talk about it any more.

MM so glad to hear your coping. Have tried to keep away from relationship threads at that stage where i don't want to talk about it any more.

Haven't heard from you in a while Mrs M.

How are things?

We are thinking of you.

hi Moondog
doing well actually
evenings are the worst time as during the day I have children, friends, parents & work - all much the same.

still I do feel much better physically and we all seem happier without H.
been going out more than I have this entire yr mainly cos H could never be arsed

been off MN last couple of days as wanted to sort out paper work etc

I finally feel that I am getting back to the person I am - she got lost this year - and although I feel "ugly" and rejected, in a way it was the depressed downtrodden me and not who I am....if that makes sense

so although I have cried this week, its not every day anymore and although I know there is more stress ahead sorting out the money etc, at least I have control of my life.
H is still being selfish - had an unexpected bill this week but he wont give me any money for it - hes gone & giving me £X and that seems to be the extent of his caring for us...

his loss not mine

Glad you're still managing to be positive.

HAng in there Mrs. Miggins. You are doing well.

He si going to engage a solicitor
only cos I mentioned access

he rang tonight but was arranged for tom morning?

how is it right that I lose my children once 2 fornight cos he buggered off?

Hi MM. I know exactly what you mean, it is hard to accept that I will loose time with my dd just because my husband couldn't keep his trousers on! Unfortunately there is no way around it. I just try to focus on the positive (that my daughter needs time with her daddy) and do really nice things when we are together.

Keep going. The evenings are the hardest! but at least we are out on the 'pop' tonight. See you later.

None of it is right Mrs M but in the long run both you and the children will be better off.

what I find hard (and sure H does too) is that most of the time now I feel more content than I have all year but then I turn into this ranting screaming mad woman dowen the phone to him
I even rang his parents last night crying down the phone although they were brilliant & rang me again today to check OK - his dad was all for coming down to mine this morning but I said no

I would like to be amicable with him for kids sake but its just getting time together to talk things through

I have told him he cant take kids away overnight for 6 mths (cosI believe he will end up living with her) but now Im wondering whether to start in the New Year
after all I need to get used to it and like you said I can plan nice things for myself
also H needs to see just how hard it is looking after HIS children - he never did anything for them while at home so will be a big big shock

anyway out tonight & really looking forward to putting names to faces

MRs M, hope you have fun tonight and hope your h can start to think of his family rather than just himself. your inlaws sound very supportive.

bump for brighteyes.

How are you MrsM?

Thinking of you.

Mrs. M I've not been on line for ages as I moved house and PC is still not networked but I am in an internet cafe picking up mail and just thought I'd check in and see how things are going. I think for some time it simply is very up and down... but you ar being very strong and focused. Good for you. Take care, winniex