MrsMiggins takes control of her life BACK

[MrsMiggins]

here it is then....have to still be MrsMiggins as its the lady out of Blackadder and nothing to do with my RL.....

God this is going to be so hard

I feel calm again
Had a shouting/crying fit at tea time so DS & DD were crying too then left them eating icecream in the kitchen

Then just spoke to H on phone & couldnt help myself - getting cross and accusing with him while I could hear the dispair in his voice.
Hes just said about talking about money etc so again, why cant I believe that its final?

feel a bit sorry for HER being in hospital although last night I suddenly wondered if she was pregnant and thats why he left - after all he allegedly ended it 8 weeks ago....see doing it to myself again

I must print off Ggglimpopo's list and stick it on every phone in the house :-

I will not cry/beg/plead/yell
I will be cool, dignified and distant
I will pamper myself
Myself and my children are the most important people in my world
I will eat at least one delicious thing per day
I will buy something I lust after and display it where it will make me smile (shoes did it for me)
I will have a to-die-for haircut

I deserve better. He will be sorry.

However I feel calm again and am going to finish the kitchen, and am going to have a lovely weekend, and have booked a babysitter for Monday night so I can go to the gym, and I have a lovely new handbag which says "ILCK - If Looks Could Kill", and new jeans & top, and bought DD lovely cardigan - I dont usually buy brand new clothes for my kids but H never fails to buy himself lots of new clothes.

and my friend said last night that if he goes skiing in the spring with HER, why dont I go another time? after all he has holiday and can look after the kids - even if it was just a long weekend....and shes right - if hes going to have them at weekends, I need to start saving so I can do nice things for myself

thanks you guys

I know I dont know you personally but you really have helped me from going mad

I will try to rant on here if I feel bad rather than lowering myself to rant at H who clearly doesnt care....

Mrs M - how are you getting on?

had a great time with fellow MNetters on Friday - I left them opening another bottle of wine but had to get back for babysitter

not doing so well on the holding it together front

putting on a face to everyone and then feeling thoroughly miserable when kids gone to bed
I need my job more than ever but have no motivation....and last 2 nights have sat crying over H and nearly sent him a "soppy-pouring-my-heart-out-begging" email
stopped myself but thats how I feel

it is hard not to take it personally es[ecially as he keeps telling me how horrible I was to live with when I had PND....

think I'll just be glad to get to New year
New start & no need for false jollity for Christmas

Just thought I'd say hello MrsMiggins and tell your fellow threadbearers how nice you are in 'the flesh' (not literally though!!).

Hello MrsM (and Furball) ]smile] -funnily enough was wondering about you earlier as I hadn't seen a post from you since we went out Fri. and was going to send out a "How are you"? (was worried we'd scared you off )

Sorry to hear you've been down. Look to the future - like you said "New Year, New Life" x

Mrs M - you are dong well but I think these sad days / moments are part of it. At least you did not send him the email you would have regreeted that. Dont let him tell you that you were awfull when you had pnd the cheecky B* that is an illness and he should have supported you now made it worse by going off with some dirt bag who paid him a bit of atteniton. Be strong - we are all here MN - i just wish we could ease the pain but that comes in time. was there no tasty looking fellows out on Friday night?

hiya MrsM, no worthwhile advice (as usual ) but just sending my support and a hug, your a strong one girl dont ever doubt that! - ps look out who you go standing under your mistletoe with!! (hmmmm, on that note must put some at the archway of the entry to our house incase any of dh's gorgeous friends pop by - i deserve a kiss this year!!

today he told me that if Id been different 2 weeks before he left, we'd still be married
still telling me he doesnt know why Im rushing into divorce

so crying and asking him NOT to go out to dinner with him was me being unreasonable
just been in floods of tears at work - fortunately have v good friends here & theyve made me see sense again
NOT my fault
he had the affair
he didnt read the books I bought after I found out
he didnt read the letter I wrote him
he wouldnt talk to counsellor

Mrs M, he's talking nonsense and you know that. It's good that you have good friends and you must talk to them so much. It does help, eventually.

He made all the choices and has to live with the consiquences of his actions. You KNOW he's just trying to ease his own conscience by hiding from the truth- that he's not a very nice person- and trying to deflect it on you.Stay strong honey!

He is trying to ease his guilt by blaiming you! Sending you strong vibes.

sorry, mean't I'm sending you strong vibes.

Excuse me, 2 weeks before he left.... I think that was bit late inhis game of deceit for him to think that even then it was his choice to make.

Have you filed? How are you getting on financially? I know you said it was going to be tight. Are you managing to get by ok?

Havent filed as he doesnt have an address - said I would send it to his parents for him to open Xmas day but would upset them and they are being so nice to me

Money isnt a problem at the mo - Im lucky that I have a good job even on 3 days a week and our mortgage isnt huge
prob have more money now than when H was living with us cos hes extravagant and Im not materialistic

Im rock bottom tonight - the only reason I got through today was cos I have such good friends at work who kept saying "you're strong; dont let him get you down; you've done nothing wrong; you're a good mum"

I can see he is trying to push his guilt onto me but its so painful
How can he just wipe away 10 yrs?
How can I?

I have written Xmas cards for the children but cant face writing any.
I think I will write "new year" ones instead explaining as I just cant bring myself to write them....selfish I know

MrsM,his pathetic comment about how he would still be with you should be making you feel even more vindicated in your choice to bring things to a head.

What a pathetically shallow unmanly thing to say!
What a wet rag!

Don't do the cards if you don't feel up to it. Take a break this year.What are you planning for Christmas? How about doing something completely different? It will make you less likely to brood on past times.

planning on going to midnight service as my dad is a steward and so will be nice

then H is coming here at 8am Xmas morning and staying till noon
then Im going round the corner to my parents with my brother, SIL & 2 kids
"you will have all the people who love you" said my SIL to me the other day "whereas H will not have his kids"

am looking forward to it (mostly)
at least I can wander off for a walk for a little while knowing my kids are having fun

Quite.
You seem to be surrounded by lovely people.
I can't fathom how someone could choose to leave their children.
Much as I love my darling dh,my love for him would disappear in a puff of smoke if he ever did this.
I could never see him in the same light again.

I am v v lucky
I have 3 really good RL friends; a really good family; and LOADS of really good RL work collegues....I feel guilty for crying at work as I can see their pain for me in their faces.
I have 2 gorgeous children who need me to be strong

I have MN who I have to say have kept me sane these last few months....especially when H kept telling me I shouldnt come on here as YOU were upsetting me....YOU were all confirming my fears which were eventually proved right.
YOU confirm Im not going mad

today I found out a collegue's H has also been unfaithful but hes come back & is sorry etc
She said to me "Im only with him cos of the kids - Im not as strong as you and couldnt manage on my own"

nice thing to say even if I dont feel strong today

thanks Moondog....

miggins, can't you have him served at work? If it were me, I'd definitely enjoy doing that even if he had a home. And speaking of which isn't it also nice to know you have a home and he doesn't?

dont know what to do about the papers
at the end of the day I am a decent person and no matter what he has done, its not really in my nature to do the same back...being a christian

so I will prob leave it until new year

BUT I will be oging for divorce regardless what he says - to be honest annoys me that he keeps telling me its the wrong decision

You can have the divorce papers personally served if he won't provide a permanent address. It doesn't have to be at work. If you know the hotel where he is staying, you could arrange to have the papers served there.

It's probably better to wait until after Christmas and NY as that period is going to be difficult enough to cope with, without giving him the chance to rant and rave about how unreasonable you are being in filing in the first place.

You're doing really well. Keep it up.

Message deleted

mrs m, i meant to add this to your message you posted on Wednesday - to "today he told me that if Id been different 2 weeks before he left, we'd still be married
still telling me he doesnt know why Im rushing into divorce"
stuff him!
if he had of been faithful, if he had of done the right thing by you, if he had of treated you the way you deserve - you'd still be married.
you keep strong x

MrsM, I've only lurked on your threads so far, but I just need to say you're doing so very well and your H is obviously a TW*T of the highest proportions.

MrsM, I too consider myself a christian, and I sometimes find it hard to know where to draw the line on forgiving people. But, as I see it, forgiveness is those who geninely and humbly repent, and I can't see your H has done much repenting.

Has he ever even said he was sorry for having an affair. Is he truly sorry for the the Hell you are living in?

I too am a Christian and am lucky to have a good church behind me...but I am struggling with the forgiveness thing at the moment

no he hasnt really said he was sorry
when I first found out he said Id ruined everything cos he was going to end it & I wouldnt have been any the wiser
then he said I had 2 weeks to stop crying
then spent the next 8 weeks telling me he was fed up with me checking etc
as you all know the final straw was him eating a meal with her while away from home for work - he didnt see anything wrong wiht that - that was me being unreasonable

and yesterday told me it was my fault for crying and checking & saying he couldnt socialise with her - thats why our marriage is over

no remorse just keeps telling me how much stress hes under

I am soooo tempted to email his work so he loses his job as that is the most important thing to him BUT in the long run that is the wrong thing to do

i need to concentrate on building my self esteeme

be glad when Xmas is over - just cant feel Xmasy