MrsMiggins takes control of her life BACK

[MrsMiggins]

here it is then....have to still be MrsMiggins as its the lady out of Blackadder and nothing to do with my RL.....

God this is going to be so hard

I feel calm again
Had a shouting/crying fit at tea time so DS & DD were crying too then left them eating icecream in the kitchen

Then just spoke to H on phone & couldnt help myself - getting cross and accusing with him while I could hear the dispair in his voice.
Hes just said about talking about money etc so again, why cant I believe that its final?

feel a bit sorry for HER being in hospital although last night I suddenly wondered if she was pregnant and thats why he left - after all he allegedly ended it 8 weeks ago....see doing it to myself again

I must print off Ggglimpopo's list and stick it on every phone in the house :-

I will not cry/beg/plead/yell
I will be cool, dignified and distant
I will pamper myself
Myself and my children are the most important people in my world
I will eat at least one delicious thing per day
I will buy something I lust after and display it where it will make me smile (shoes did it for me)
I will have a to-die-for haircut

I deserve better. He will be sorry.

However I feel calm again and am going to finish the kitchen, and am going to have a lovely weekend, and have booked a babysitter for Monday night so I can go to the gym, and I have a lovely new handbag which says "ILCK - If Looks Could Kill", and new jeans & top, and bought DD lovely cardigan - I dont usually buy brand new clothes for my kids but H never fails to buy himself lots of new clothes.

and my friend said last night that if he goes skiing in the spring with HER, why dont I go another time? after all he has holiday and can look after the kids - even if it was just a long weekend....and shes right - if hes going to have them at weekends, I need to start saving so I can do nice things for myself

thanks you guys

I know I dont know you personally but you really have helped me from going mad

I will try to rant on here if I feel bad rather than lowering myself to rant at H who clearly doesnt care....

I just don't think that b*stard deserves your kindness. Only after he says he sorry (about 6,000 times) should you give a toss how he feels.

Perhaps you should have a chat with your solicitor and see what the implications might be of having him served at work and if she/he thinks that's a good idea. I'm no leagal expert so you really shouldn't take my advice.

I just think your xh is a raging twat. If I were you (and it's lucky for him I'm not because you are much nicer than I am) I would arrange to get up at 6:00 am and have the kids open all the presents before he arrives just so he misses the fun.

please tell him your relationship is over because he was a philandering a*hole not because you are a loving kind beautiful woman!

this man makes me madder than my philandering a*hole dh....

Hi MrsM,

I'm really that your H is trying to make you feel that this your fault. I'm sorry but saying you made it worse by finding out, and then saying that you had two weeks to stop crying about it is a load of Bllcks. How dare this person dictate the way you should react? It screams to me of someone who is feeling pretty guilty about it all, but trying to offload that onto you.

Please don't let him - PND is an illness not an excuse to go finding comfort with some other squeeze.

Only you can decide whether you want a divorce, but in your shoes I would want H to face up to the pain he has caused without looking for someone else to blame.

You are an intelligent, articulate, together woman, and you don't deserve to be messed about like this. If you CAT me I will let you have my phone number, and on those bad evenings instead of calling H and feeling vulnerable you can call me to offload instead.

Take care

I am for you....can't believe how he thinks that it's your fault etc etc. You deserve so much better.

He is a coward and one day will realise what he threw away.

Be strong [[hugs]]
mj

MM- here we have a very guilty coward who won't face upto the consiquences of his life choice!
He's trying to make himself feel better by blaming you when he caused ALL this and wasn't prepared to try and put it right, to think of you and how you feel or to make some changes in his life to save his marriage.
He does not feserve your kindness now-move on, go find someone who will appreciate all the goodness in you and stand by you in times of difficulty.
If there were problems in your relationships there were ways to try and solve them- having an affair is just him putting his needs ahead of his children and his wife and now he has to live with it (and obviously is not finding that easy to do)
he made his bed..........let him lie in it!!!!!!!
Do not accept that this was your fault remind him he has free will and he made the choicesnot you!
be strong honey in a few months you will have a life back.Take care

How was your weekend Mrs. M?

Whenever you have a question about your relationship with your H and why it ended say to yourself, "Because he is a twat and I am not."

Also remember that you have some things right. Somehow he seems to have you focussing on what you've done wrong (none of it true of course).

in laws been brilliant
I went out Friday night & they put kids to bed & told me how nice I looked
Sat took kids out for the morning & bought me 2 presents from the kids - they picked them - they didnt buy H anything
I even stayed in last night with them - how sad is that

they havent a clue whats going on as FIL kept saying "worse case is that H has gone off with someone and you will separate"
what does he think we're doing now?

anyway just spoken to H on phone - he is coming between Xmas & New Year to look after HIS kids while I work to save my holiday....but he was coming for silly hours meaning Id be late to work & then have to do tea & bed while he went home (1 1/2 hrs). I did say couldnt he stay over for one night rather than drive & have left it open for him but I dont think he will stay. Seems nuts to me as he'll have to leave whereever hes living at 6 am to get to mine but his choice
so I calmly put my foot down & he is now coming for much longer
he finally needs to realise that he isnt just a single man and he has responsibilities
SHE wont like that - he kept saying I;'ll let you know tomorrow when Ive thought about it but I wouldnt let him
Good - hope it ruins their Xmas

AND the tw#t said he needed a rest of Xmas as he was very tired - "thats the trouble with kids, you dont get a rest" I said
I then worked out that he will have 4 days either side of looking after HIS kids for a rest, whereas I will have them every day apart from the 2 days I work.

He hasnt a clue what life will be like for him when he has them for a weekend

I bought a book at the weekend called "growing in divorce" which is very good and has made me realise a few things

like I am responsible for my future now and by crying/arguing with H, I am giving my responsibility away....I feel amazingly calm
have just rung my dad to tell him as I was shaking during the conversation at H's lack of responsibility but I didnt raise my voice once AND got what I wanted

Sounds like you are doing great and really taking control of your life -- that's great. I am suprised that his parents don't know about the other woman. Didn't you let that slip to his grandma?

Good for you for putting your foot down on the work schedule! I bet he isn't staying the night because SHE won't like it.

So, when and where are you going to serve up those papers on grounds of adultery?

they do know about her - Ive already told her but I dont think they realise (or want to face) how far things have gone
not really talkers in their family

soliciotr is advising NOT serving at work & I would feel guilty for his parents serving at their house so will think about it over Xmas and then send them to his hotel

he really is doing a v good impression of an ostrich
nice life he has - down the pub all the time & coming over to see his kids but back in time to go out & enjoy himself

Im glad I made him agree on the phone without discussing it with her - hes soooo weak

went to see Father Christmas today & DS sat on my brothers knee - lovely photo - sent it to H

Mrs M you are an inspiration! The book sounds good and I might have a look at it. Shaking when talking to H sounds about right I am still like that all the time.

I am your in laws are being so nice it makes a big difference.

the book is good and I keep picking it up when feeling down
am going to write big posters for myself & notes round thge house

just been emailing H about Xmas presents

feel so p#ssed off at him
hes going on about taking Thur/Fri off work so can get presents then - how nice. He takes 2 days off work & can swan around - not a thought to come over & see his kids
he is going on about buying lots of presents as he earns so much but thats not what the children need - why cant he see that if he came over on Friday and spent the day with the childre, that would be worth 20 presents

no point saying it tho as I expect hes moving into his new house or spending time with HER

what a loser
what a loser
what a loser

must kleep saying this to myself

Keep saying it Mrs M because he will at the lose so much more than you in the end. I am not allowing contact moment so it is all me! Somehow makes everything calmer in the end as I know he is not coming round and can just get on with it.

Mrsm
agree- you are an inspiration.
Keep reading and gsining knowledge- knowledge gives you strength, power and control.
take care - can do this, life will get better.X

its just b#llcks

have been trying to sort out Christmas presents with H and he is STILL LYING to me
why does he do this?
hes left; hes with HER so why still lie?

he rang at 6.20 and said he would ring back at 7.45 but now he has emailed me saying he has to take a client out - that wouldnt suddenly happen at 6.20pm would it

so I dont know what to do about presents for our children
I was trying to involve him but he only understands money

just told him I will buy everthing & he can just hand over the money

must go back downstairs & re-read that book
the only thing I can say is that I am still being adult - have come on MN instewad of ringing H & shouting - thats what I would have done

i cant believe what a selfish person he is and how I didnt see it in the 9 years we were together

I know its easy to say but money isnt everything. I know a couple who are soooo skint but such a close family...whereas we have loads of money but H has just buggered off without looking back - he thinks presents is what his children need for Christmas whereas all they really wanted is to be a happy family....BUT the 3 of us are actually happier without him cos I can concentrate on what makes us happy without worrying about H....

Good morning, Mrs Miggins. Have a lovely day!!

And enjoy the shopping for the kiddies. That's the fun part. It's H's loos he doesn't want to take part.

you're right, mrsm, money isn't everything. wankers like him are priceless.

his loss.

dont forget to treat yourself, too!

thinking of you an dyour children merry xmas seems inappropriate but ykwim x

one last christmas wish - try and have a good day Mrs M xxxx

Yes, have as good a day as you can, Mrs M and here's to a much brighter 2006 for you

Have a brilliant day Mrs M I will be thinking of all of us mums who are going to do our damndest to give our kids the Christmas they deserve adn in years to come know that we came through for them! There isnt a better feeling than knowing you did your best whatever and however hard it was.

Happy Christmas Mrs M

thanks guys and ditto to all you mums whatever your circumstances

been to church christingle service which was lovely although a little sad as another "first" without H...not that he was religious anyway
my church are all so nice & minister kissed me on the way out & wished us a happy christmas (I confided in him when first found out about the affair)

reindeer oats in the garden (my mum thinks Im mad ) mince pie & lemonade for Santa and stockings in kids room

H was horrible yesterday on the phone so I rang my dad for a pep talk - "remind me why Im letting H come here for 4 hours on Xmas morning"
"for the children" my dad said

anyway am really looking forward to tomorrow as spending it with my family while H is going ????
Hes not seeing his parents at all over Xmas which makes me sad for them

anyway Happy Christmas to you all !!

Hi MrsMiggins. How was your Christmas? Was H on good behaviour? Did you enjoy your time with your family.

Hi MM. How did christmas go? I was thinking of you and yours. Hope all is well.