MrsMiggins takes control of her life BACK

[MrsMiggins]

here it is then....have to still be MrsMiggins as its the lady out of Blackadder and nothing to do with my RL.....

God this is going to be so hard

I feel calm again
Had a shouting/crying fit at tea time so DS & DD were crying too then left them eating icecream in the kitchen

Then just spoke to H on phone & couldnt help myself - getting cross and accusing with him while I could hear the dispair in his voice.
Hes just said about talking about money etc so again, why cant I believe that its final?

feel a bit sorry for HER being in hospital although last night I suddenly wondered if she was pregnant and thats why he left - after all he allegedly ended it 8 weeks ago....see doing it to myself again

I must print off Ggglimpopo's list and stick it on every phone in the house :-

I will not cry/beg/plead/yell
I will be cool, dignified and distant
I will pamper myself
Myself and my children are the most important people in my world
I will eat at least one delicious thing per day
I will buy something I lust after and display it where it will make me smile (shoes did it for me)
I will have a to-die-for haircut

I deserve better. He will be sorry.

However I feel calm again and am going to finish the kitchen, and am going to have a lovely weekend, and have booked a babysitter for Monday night so I can go to the gym, and I have a lovely new handbag which says "ILCK - If Looks Could Kill", and new jeans & top, and bought DD lovely cardigan - I dont usually buy brand new clothes for my kids but H never fails to buy himself lots of new clothes.

and my friend said last night that if he goes skiing in the spring with HER, why dont I go another time? after all he has holiday and can look after the kids - even if it was just a long weekend....and shes right - if hes going to have them at weekends, I need to start saving so I can do nice things for myself

thanks you guys

I know I dont know you personally but you really have helped me from going mad

I will try to rant on here if I feel bad rather than lowering myself to rant at H who clearly doesnt care....

sos mine - we have app with bank at 11am
hes meant to be here as early as poss to sort things out first
still not here

Message withdrawn

Hope it went/goes okay. xxx

How did it go?

Mrs M?

Hope it was ok Mrs M. I am thinking of you.

hi
went OK - I left the bank to have a cry outside as it just all seemed so final. He didnt say anything when he came out & saw me crying. So heartless.
We got home & he said he was leaving without seeing the kids as it would be too stressful for us both.
I said Id be OK so we picked them up from my parents. He kept making small talk telling me what he was upto at work - why would he think I was interested?
He left just before 5pm as hed made plans so needed to get off....no putting kids in bath or to bed

my only comfort now is that its not really personal to me as he doesnt really seem bothered about the kids either - clearly infatuated with HER who clrealy doesnt want him spending time wiht us

makes me wonder just how he is going to cope having them over night. perhaps I should just tell him he can have them as soon as he finds a house & push him in the deep end....but if shes living there too, it might be too soon for DS.

I know that I need to try to move on but I just feel so sad this morning and I realise that Im back to putting on this brave face to everyone even though I feel my world has collapsed.
No-one can understand that a tiny bit of me wishes hed see the light and come home....I dont think he will and Im not sure that would be the right thing anyway which is why I will have to get a divorce.

DS keeps telling me that "daddy doesnt want to live with us anymore but he still loves us" and I just want to say "doesnt look like it"

thinking of putting my christmas tree up cos although its early Im just not in the mood and need to try to for the kids sake

He is a waste of space.

I do understand that tiny part feeling, and I am sure if people were being truly honest with you, they do as well, but they love you and are trying to protect you.

He seems to me, to be a very shallow person,I am sorry for you it has come to this, but surely better now, than to get 60 and discover he has been whoring and touring all of your married life, and you are left wondering what the life that you have not lived might have been like.

You deserve better.

I know ur right

Mrs M I so understand. You are right though to take comfort in it not being personal. As someone in the middle of a very personal struggle I really do think it is better when they are straight and just walk away.

The small part of you that wants him back doesn't really want him. It just wants your old life back, so that you don't have to cope with what lies ahead. Perfectly understandable.

It might help to visualise what life would be like if he did come back. Constant gnawing feeling that he couldn't be trusted, checking his mobile, checking his pockets, him resenting you for this and then blaming you for any arguments because of your unreasonable jealousy - after all, he came back, didn't he, so why should you be suspicious??

Getting through the next few months is going to be tough, but think about where you will be in a year's time, in your own home with your children, settled and able to cope. And where will he be? In a very lonely place, I should imagine.

Freckle is right. And imagine what your life can now be like without him - whatever you want it to be for you and your kids.

Consider him a bad habit like smoking. Horrible, bad for you, leaves a bad taste in your mouth but with a bit of willpower and determination you'll get there and find it/him even more detestable than before because you have come out the other side.

yes you are right - I do want the "happy" family again - I dont want to get divorced or have my children away every other weekend....I dont want to be wondering whether I can afford something every time Im in a shop

however today already we've had a better Sat than we normally would cos lazy bones isnt here

he is still over weight, selfish and his hair was long - let himself go in a fortnight

Im sure I will get there - its only been 20 days so I guess Im not doing so bad....

You are doing really really well Mrs M. In the end you will get a better quality of life.

Wow,just read the whole thread,took me absolutely ages,just want to say stick with it Mrs Miggins,you'll get there in the end,what I would suggest although I know its really difficut is to try not to let him see you cry,afterall he is a man and its a boost to his ego,and I would think you wouldnt want to give him that satisfaction would you.

I've been on my own for the last two years,was only with my sons dad briefly and then before that I was with my daughters dad for 13 years,but I prefer being single although sometimes I do get dreadfully lonely,but everything else about being single makes up for it.

Stay strong,well in front of him at least,if he thinks you are over him,he wont like it,they never do.

I've killed another thread!!!!!!!

Mrs Miggins, How are you today?

terrible I have to say
first weekend without H I suppose
feel so badly treated - cant believe that 20 days after leaving, I have no credit card and a new bank account with £X amount going in from H.
He has cut ties so quickly.
Hes not even bothered about whether I have enough money - we've not gone through the bills etc - he just kept saying how I should change gas/electric providers to cut costs, stop SKY and maybe cut broadband

I just feel utter dispair today and I dont know why. Everyone keeps saying how well Im doing as its early days but I dont feel it inside. I think pride is making me put on a brave face to others cos people must be blaming me for his affair "not getting it at home / depressed etc"
...or maybe H has made me feel like this by telling me such things for so long that I now believe it.

I know I have 2 wonderful children & I know people say how resiliant kids are, but Im having to hide my feelings or watch what I say infront of the kids while he's just b'ggered off.

If I, as a perfect stanger, knew about your depresion and the wqay your husband behaves, I would be more inclined to blame him rather than you. I think your statement "...or maybe H has made me feel like this by telling me such things for so long that I now believe it." rings true.

Hugs Mrs Miggins, it won't be easy for a time, but it will get better.

Hi MrsM, are you hanging in there. That trip to the bank sounded terrible. I hope are feeling better now. And I hope your soon to be xH lives to regret his shameful bahaviour. And I hope your kids grow up to give you all the love you deserve -- and possibly a lovely step dad some time in the future.

Oh Mrs M you are strong and you have been so brave. I dont think it is bad to let your kids see you cry because then they know you loved their dad and you cared about your marriage. They also know that he has made you sad. In many ways I think it reassures kids to know that there was some love somewhere however badly the men behaved.

My kids have asked my xh why he never cries and seems so happy! They dont like it at all they want to feel that they were made through a loving relationship.

As for the money, apply for interim maintenance when you file for divorce! He will have to pay! really sometimes peoples behaviour amazes me.

I hope you are hanging on in there just read some of the support you have here! I did and it made me feel so much better especially when I knew that my Xh was also reading what people said about him.

feeling better today - didnt cry yesterday!!

had to switch my mobile off at night to stop myself txting him though

his gran rang me yesterday evening - he had popped in to tell her we had split up. She rang to say how sorry she was and that she didnt agree with him leaving as marriages should be worked at.
I told her it was difficult to work at when H was having an affair and had now gone off with this woman.

That'll annoy him. He had "forgotten" to mention this....and just said we werent getting on.

It seems my H thought if he kept quiet about HER for a few months, he could then introduce her to friends & family as his new GF....now Ive told his parents, sister & now gran (who wil tell the rest of his family) he will have to face the music.

He keeps telling people that he doesnt want them knowing as its up to the 2 of us to sort out...byt that he doesnt mean he wants our marriage, he means he doesnt want people telling him hes been a b#stard and abandoned his family

Yesterday I also received an email from someone at his work thinking he was still at home - sent him a reply too saying H doesnt live here anymore.

copied H in & received a reply immediately asking me to ignore any emails from work

he clearly is keeping his head down & that b#tch & he will "announce" they have fallen in love in a few months time...

oh well I know the truth and so do they, and more importantly his family now know what hes done too and they dont like it
I know they'll get over it as we all will and they will prob invite her for Christmas next year BUT for a few months they will have to put up with everyones disgust.

money wise I feel much better cos Im in control of finances and dont have to worry whether I have money or credit card stopped. Yes it will be tight but at least Im in control

am sending all necessary documentation to solicitor today asking her to procede with divorce.
Happy Christmas exH

Good for you Mrs M I am glad you are feeling stronger!

Chances are that their relationship is doomed anyway. He's probably only continuing with it to prove that his leaving his family was "justified". After all, if they split up now, what was it all for?

Keep going MrsM. You're doing brilliantly.