The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spring Into Summer.

[Mouseface]

Hello

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

This is a quest full of Babes, all fighting to remain sober, cut down or are somewhere in between right now.

You ticket to travel is free, it won't expire, and the Bus will always be here, even if there are days when you are not. So come say hi.

I'm Mouse. I have a thing for cheese and vodka, not together, well, not always!

Here is a LINK to the last thread, where you can read all of the previous threads and the journeys so far.

Mouse, is Nemo your son? Tell me about respite........how long have you waited for this? What specifically is it for? And, 3 hours? How fabulous! That is the exact amount of time it takes to put a wash on, make a large pot of tea, eat doughnut #1, MNet for 40 mins, transfer wash to tumbler or garden, put new wash on,spread the beds, have quick but deep bath and smother lardybits in gorgeous cocoa butter, make new pot of tea, MNet for the remaining time and eat doughnut#2 before the ting. Easy!

My tummy is a little better today so I am hoping is was the Acidopholus. Thanks venus and tortoise. My phrase of the day is "if you were only drinking a bottle a night". I LOVE how you just normalised that for me

Brilliant news mouse. I think I'm going to start wearing a t-shirt that has "What Venus Said" emblazoned on the front because I either post it or think it on a regular basis!
So pleased that you've finally gotten the help you all need and deserve

Frumpy glad your tummy is better, onwards and upwards!

venus - you know me so very very well. Your kind words have made me cry. So that's three times today! You know what I'm like, I had thought about painting Nemo's room, building new furniture that is still flat packed, putting up DD's voils (sp?), staining the oak out the front........

Or going into town to get some wall stickers for the walls, new bedding for the guest room......

Instead, I will be here, in the house or garden. I will be in the bath (I can't sleep in the day, it messes my body clock up too much) or drawing, or painting or writing the rest of my book.....

I PROMISE

I'll let you know when we get a date through for it to start and then give you my number, you can do 'spot checks' that way!

frumpy - hello

Yes, Nemo is my son (it's his nickname, he was the one who survived against all the odds) and we have been fighting for repsite ever since he was born, he's just turned 2. There is a picture on my profile of him.

I am his soul carer (he has 'Complex Special Needs', he doesn't eat and is tube fed, he can't talk, has a cleft palate, heart condition, sensory feeding disorder, plus other conditions...) and although DH is brilliant, he has to work to keep a roof over our heads.

So, I'm on 24/7 care almost ever day. Day and night, surviving on little sleep, drinking too much sometimes to dull the edges, switch off my head, wondering if I'm failing Nemo and my family because I'm so exhausted, did I order his meds? Do I have the right day for his hospital appointment? Who else do I need to let know about XYZ?

And then trying to be a full-time wife and a loving, supportive mum to DD.

You lose the person that you used to be, you lose a part of you.

BUT, and I mean this from deep within my heart, I don't begrudge him a second of my time. He is my world and leaving him for 3 hours is going to be so very hard.

To trust someone else, to let them in, is going to be unbearable. I need to do it, I need to let go. I need to get a part of me back.

thurso - thank you so much. I does mean that I can at last have some real me time. Not going shopping for food, washing, ironing, squeezing in 3 hours of chores! Hell, I might even get my hair done!

Thank you Babes your support is amazing xxxxx

hey mouse great news on Nemo's respite care. i second everyone else about you taking this time for yourself!
I love your fabulous typo that you are Nemo's "soul" carer. You are indeed
Feeling better today but still a bit itchy

ma! i thought that too!

hmm... 3 hours...........mani/pedi/blow-dry/spray tan/massage/waxing/flotation chamber/full body scrub............oohhh the list is endless!

See, I never type and read back....... I have learnt not to but that means that you all have to put up with my typos

JWN - DH bought me a spa voucher for Christmas. It's June but at least now I can use it. I'm going on my own, with my book and my mobile. And that's it

3 hours of peace and quiet. Peace and quiet..............

ma - talking of itchy, I have just found round two of Nemo's nits. Grrrrrr. I'm supposed to be going to a friend's house tonight for a coffee and chat.

Looks like I'll be smelling of nit lotion again! Why is it that they only live on clean hair? That just seems wrong to me! Bloody school kids and their clean, nit speading hair!

dunno mousie. DD2 was plagued by the feckers on a regular basis, she being the one with the thickest, wildest, most uncombable hair!!!
those were the days though - tonight she goes to the school leavers' ball in a dress that is too red, too short, too tight and too backless. coupled with killer "fuck me" heels she's going to look fabulous
go get 'em babe!!!

oohh ma!! i bet she looks fantastic! - tell her not to do what i did at the leavers ball!, got a lovebite on my neck the size of wembley stadium (went to a girls school, we wernt used to boys! ) my dad went berserk and actually told me i not allowed out until i was 28!

dd was a total dream of a teen in comparision!

I bet she'll look a million dollars Ma

DD went to a prom last year when she left Junior school. She's taller than me (I'm 5'7"), slimmer than me (by a good number of stone) and fair more dainty than me. She looked beautiful and I wept at my little girl, all grown up.

It's funny, the older they get, the more they grow and change, the more I think that she doesn't need me anymore. It's me who needs her.

Nits blasted, bedding laundered, again, whole family checked and combed. Nemo's curls are a haven for nits, as we have now discovered!

hey Babes, thanks for all the birthday wishes, I had an absolutely fabulous few days and was spoilt rotten.
I did have a little moment of reflection yesterday morning when I counted my blessings and was so thankful that I had met you BBs and hopped onto the bus all those months ago. This birthday was my target and I was so happy to reach it sober.

can I ask....when people talk about being so many days/weeks/months "sober", do you mean controlled drinking ie not getting pissed, or do you mean being completely teetotal?

For me - would have to be completely dry to count. That's not about being virtuous, it's just that I've not been very good at moderation (gross understatement) and I could probably count on one hand the number of weeks in the last 10 years when I've drunk like a 'normal' person. If I ever did drink moderately one day, I'd reward myself for it the next

Just checking in....
Day 1 again here I guess! Booze-free this evening, and have spent some quality time with my kids before their bedtime, made a lovely dinner and read 100 pages of my new book. Decided that I am going to get back into reading as a way of helping me not to drink, as I can't glug wine while reading complicated books and expect to remember the plot in the morning!
I'm glad to be back on the bus Think I just slid slowly off the wagon, bit by bit, and then yesterday was a wake up call, as I haven't done that whole bottle of wine thing in a good few months. Am not ashamed anymore, just glad I caught it in time, before I went out and got systematically and hideously rat-arsed and put myself in danger again.
It's nice to see pretty much all the old usual crew here, and catch up on all your news. And thanks for all your supportive responses to last night's post
Off for a restful night's sleep now, night night babes.

mouse I can't see your profile....... Wow, that's a lot going on! Did you know before he was born that he was going to walk a different path? And what age is your DD? Its very easy to let your little bit of time become overshadowed. You must protect it viciously. Letting go, in the beginning, will be incredibly hard. And against the grain. But you will get to feel ok when you have got comfort with the carer - the first time they hit an issue, you'll feel crap that you weren't there. But that is exactly what will help you to trust. It will also take a while given that its a weekly date and not a daily or bi-daily date. But, it will come and you will benefit. And at some point you might even get to wish for more!!!! When will it start?

ma, I'm 6 days of no alcohol whatsoever. That's a record for me. The most I've managed in 6 years is a couple or 3 days. I'd like to think that I might be able to get myself to a place where I can have wine with dinner out. I love that (and I would love to hear opinions as to whether anyone thinks that is a possibility). But, for me, for now, if I have one glass, the door will be wide open again. I'm aiming for nothing for as long as possible.

well done on your 6 days grumpy - i have just had dinner out with dh, 2 cranberry and sodas, it was very nice, refreshing and tasty! dinner out was a hurdle for me at the start, well, tbh dinner anywhere was a hurdle , i find that the longer im sober, the easier it becomes!, i dont even hesitate these days, dont find i look longingly at glasses or bottles, i just enjoy my meal!

ma - sober for me has to be absolutly tee total!, one sip and ive ruined everything, again, the longer it goes on the easier it gets!

Same for me as well, I can't do moderation, if I could, I would never have had to join the battle bus in the first place, so it is 8 months without a drop. The longest I have been without a drink since I was about 15 , and you all know how old I am now, so that is a hell of a long time!
I think, apart from the fantastic support available here, the 'success factor' for me has been honesty - being honest to myself about the effect the drink was having on me and being honest to those around me for the reasons for not drinking. It is a lot harder to have 'just the one' when all eyes are upon you.

Good morning everyone,

I hope you are all well this morning.

Mouse I hope you had some restful sleep, I sort of think maybe you didn't, lying awake and thinking what this change will mean for you, love to you sweetpea xxx

Ma If I talk about being "sober" for me it means the same as Venus, completely dry, for the same reasons! And Frumpy, I am able to go out and have a glass of wine with dinner, or at a function, but, I can't see the point. I don't want to have a glass or two.

Most of my wine drinking has been done at home in the evening, and if I have one, I want the bottle, and then some probably, see my post re: Saturday .

Very, very luckily for me, I found this bus, and so was able to call in all the shots, and make it just that one night, but, if I have one tonight, because it's my day off tomorrow, blah, blah, I know I wouldn't.

You know what is right is for you, and I can only tell you what I know about myself. I'm ok out, but, not in .

Have good days all, speak later.
xxx

Hi everyone,Ma I'm an all or nothing girl, so only nothing counts IYSWIM.
Spent last night reading about my lizard brain! Blimy I find the one I knew about challenging enough, now I've got 2 to worry about.

MissP better to know about it, so you can challenge it when it's giving you information that is not helpful.

isindie you've got through day3 quite a few times in the last months - what worked then? having no wine in the house? having food planned for the evening? going to bed early (rather than sitting up long after dp and having a bottle)? writing poetry? going through your stack of Readers Digest (yeah, yeah, it was at the optician... ).

MissP you have a lizard brain?
have I missed something?
Indie think I have told you this before but there is only a short window in their lives when they sleep in their own beds all night. Goes a bit like this:
early years - awake on and off all night for feeding/screaming
bit older - awake on and off for bed wetting, coughing, crying
bit older again - awake for puking and nightmares
bit older still - won't go to bed, s'not fair, everyone else gets to stay up later than me, door slamming
early teen years - awake most of night on Facebook and texting secretly
BRIEF WINDOW arrives when they sleep all night, all next morning and most of all next afternoon
older teen - may or may not be sleeping all night but you doubt it and you have no idea because they are on someone's floor or in someone else's bed. You will not sleep for worry and for being on taxi duty at all hours.

After this you stop caring anymore but assume that the occasional surly lump in the bed is one of your offspring (caution here, as this is not always the case!!) and you are just mildy relieved that it still exists.
You may start sleeping again in about 20 years! Enjoy!!!

Morning Babes.

Not drinking at all seems to be the only way to keep me out of trouble - I wish I could have one or two, but I get my greedy, reckless head on and can't stop.

I had a bit of a wah wah, self-absorbed moment last night reading a thread on the alcohol culture on MN last night, as the majority of posters were saying that they could unwind with a glass, maybe two and leave it at that. I felt quite envious sad that I can't drink sensibly and I think that reading how much (well, little!) others drink, made me realise that I've been putting away an enormous amount of units over the years and that my attempts to cut down have been rather pathetic.

Ho hum - on with another day! I've hidden the last Snickers bar for later on tonight, to have as my 'treat'. Whilst DP has lost weight, I think I've put a few pounds on . That's probably because I'm eating sensibly, rather than skipping meals so that I don't overdo the calories (just writing that down makes me realise what an idiot I've been, going without food so that I could have my 'fix' and not gain weight!).

Demented

I think everyone has their own definition; but, for me, sober means total abstinence, including uncooked alcohol in food. So, when I say that I am 8.5 years sober, I mean that I have not had a single alcoholic drink in that time, nor a spritzer, nor a shandy, nor a low-alcohol beer, nor an alcohol-"free" beer, nor one of those "adult" ginger beers with 0.2% alcohol, nor any sanatogen tonic wine, nor any tiramisu, nor even a liqueur chocolate.

I have done it one day at a time and, believe me, it has been far easier and more pleasant than the 8.5 years preceding it.