The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spring Into Summer.

[Mouseface]

Hello

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

This is a quest full of Babes, all fighting to remain sober, cut down or are somewhere in between right now.

You ticket to travel is free, it won't expire, and the Bus will always be here, even if there are days when you are not. So come say hi.

I'm Mouse. I have a thing for cheese and vodka, not together, well, not always!

Here is a LINK to the last thread, where you can read all of the previous threads and the journeys so far.

ma what wonderful advice. When my dd1 was 15 she had mental health problems and was suicidal. It was such a tough time, every day felt like living in a fragile cage never knowing what might shatter it. Fortunately my sister works in chld and adolescent psychiatry - she was a lifeline for me. She could put things into perspective, tell me that it WAS normal (for an adolescent with those mh issues), reasssure me that it would get better. I could speak to her when i felt like I could speak to no-one else.

golly, please take up the offer to pm ma, or find a mh professional that YOU can speak to - you need as much support in this as your dd does. Call any of the helplines, Samaritans, or Parentline 0808 800 2222 The Parentline website also has a section specially for parents of teens and a forum. You could post there too, and you might find something on there to read that can help you feel less desperate.

Urgh. I don't know what to do.

I want to die, actually. I know that sounds dramatic (and I'm not by nature a dramatic type) but sometimes it all gets to much. I have big red red scratches on my wrists, this is ridiculous.

Golly lift the phone now and call for help! Police, Samaritans, Parentline - anyone!! Where is DD now? Phone someone and say you fear for either your or DDs life. Now!!
What family do you have locally? Where are you?
Once you start talking to someone, the help will come. if you love DD - and you do - then please make a call. She needs you to be strong enough to let go for a little while and let someone else take over. You have to be very very strong to admit you need help - but you can do this!! You are doing this because you love her, not because you don't. if you didn't care about her then you wouldn't give a flying fuck about her behaviour.
Please, please believe me when I say that DDs behaviour will not shock professionals who work in this field. they see this all the time and are very familiar with this kind of stuff. When DH started in this field i was shocked at some of the stories, but it seems very commonplace now . DD is not alone, and by miles, not unique. Please call someone.

Thanks ma

We've had SS 'support' before now, it wasn't very helpful. I got rid of them asap by playing the super dooper middle class card. I even hawled dd1 into the game (it had nothing to do with my drinking, btw.)

Dh has warned me tonight to stay away from dd1, and he's right.

She's now all excited that we're going to find a new school for her, because I mentioned that I'd look into it. There are no places at schools in our city, we looked last time she dropped out, that's exactly why she's now at a school in the next city over 10 miles away.

I can't cope with things like leaving the house this morning to the chaos of her dropping bleach on the bathroom floor and trying to sling her guitar through her bedroom door, to her wanting to have a jolly 'ol lovely chat when I finished work. I went for a long walk round tesco between work and home to avoid her, and I wouldn't have come home if I'd been able to think of something else to do.

A bedsit sounds more appealing than here right now.

ma sorry, cross posted there.

Yeah, family support would be lovely but sadly both my parents are dead. In fact, oddly enough, today is the 14th anniversary of my dad's death. Dd1 was 3months old and my first child, I left her with my SIL to go and see his body (for closure).

No-one else seems to have noticed this fact btw. No-one noticed the anniversary of my mum's death (three weeks ago) either. They're not important dates, but I do feel very alone in remembering them.

I'm going to go and sleep. I can't deal with being awake so sleeping seems like the best plan. I'll probably feel like crap tomorrow, but it's better than causing any kind of havoc tonight.

Golly I'm so sorry for your losses and that no-one is helping you with this.
Go to bed if you feel safe there and tomorrow, sit down with DH (forgive me, is he DD's father?) and make some serious decisions about the help you need.

oh golly :( you're having a right time of it aren't you? xxx

for what its worth I went through similar traumas with my ds, he has mental health issues and special needs.If it's any comfort, he DID come out the other side a lot better though, and has grown into a lovely young man who everybody loves.
He still has his own issues but he organised his own counselling, which I was very proud of him for - A) for recognising that he needed it and B)actually doing something about it. He has his first appointment for CBT on the 23rd may.

Have you tried going to the docs with her, or even without her for a chat? They might be of some help

Mouse, thanks for your lovely words earlier I do feel like a different person, it's hard to believe that only 2 and a half weeks ago I could see no way out from the horror I was living in.

Early night for me with a dvd I think, have to be up early to go SHOPPING!!!!

have a good night babes, especially golly - hope things look up soon xx

ah Indie, that's a nice and soothing post!
I will try to sleep gently - you have a poetic turn of phrase my friend. As someone who loves poetry, it soothes my soul.
I am still very lapsed and drinking. Can't seem to get back into the drill somehow.
to all the Babes who have become dear friends and comrades in arms - sleep well, dearlings.
Thurso barbed wire is not enough. You need border guards, searchlights and a good stiff knee to the groin.

Golly, I'm so sorry you are having such an awful time. I have a dd with SN and MH issues are now surfacing, so I really feel your pain!
Ma that was great advice and so well written, you're a star, who else would know what to say. (Sorry, not a stalker but have read your posts on this thread.)
I am now on day 6 without a drink. My sweet tooth has been reawakened and I can't get enough sugar which is a bit worrying. But its better than booze so I'll go with it for now.
Night all.

isindi, ma is right!, thats a lovely soothing post!

im so sorry golly!, you do sound so desperate and down - one thing that has stood out for me though, on the one hand you say have had enough and cant live with dd, but my word, you sprang to your dds defence when mouse suggested residential care, that says to me that you love your dd deeply and will actually do whatever it takes to get her well! - im sure you all feel wretched right now but i have a feeling that it will all come right with time! - ime giving 'things' time seems to be the best way forward, over the years i have always tried to cure anything straight away, usually with disasterous results, ma has given wonderful insightful advice, i really hope it helps!

rose - im sure a few nights on the mars bars is a better bet than a few nights on the booze!

well, im off to bed

night night all, and i too wish everyone a peaceful nights sleep!

L XXXXXXXXXX

I hope you have managed to sleep golly and have at least had a break from how you feel. When my dd was in a very difficult phase of her depression it was just so awful, as her mother, not to be able to do anything to protect or help her. I was freaking out with anxiety about whether she would take her own life, and like you I often didn't want to go home, because while I was out I could believe she was still alive, and I was scared to go home in case she wasn't

Sometimes I was the only person she wanted and needed, and we would just sit and cry together because neither of us knew what to do, and both of us felt completely helpless in the face of it. But most of the time it felt like I was the person that she hated the most, for bringing her into the world, for every thing that a parent does that screws up thier child, for trying to keep her safe and prevent her from harming and killing herself - I was the demon that she was angry about

Then sometimes, at bedtime, when she'd screamed at me to get out of her room, I'd go off to bed. Then my dh (who is not dd's dad) would go in to say goodnight and I'd hear them laughing!!!!. Bloody hell!!! I was furious. How dare HE be able to connect with her when I couldn't. How dare she be nice to him and hateful to me. How bloody dare they leave me feeling so isolated and miserable. And yet simultaneously, I'd be delighted that I could hear a little of the lighthearted banter and know that not every moment of my dd's life was black and bleak. At the time, my sister (a psychologist) said that it was a sign of my dd feeling safe enough with me that she could show me the bad and bleak, and that she could rebel against me. Tbh, sometimes I wished that she didn't feel that safe, and she'd go and rebel somewhere else and protect me from the worst of how she felt.

But golly she did get through it. She's a lovely, compassionate person. She's funny and clever; she works hard; she's thoughtful and kind. I couldn't ask for a better daughter. We don't talk about what happened, but she doesn't hide her physical scars (although I admit here, that I hide my mental scars). My thoughts are with you golly. Please speak to people about it, speak to them lots, you deserve all the help and kindness in the world. Jx

Oh now that was so tragic that I made myself cry . Sleep well all Babes xx

Wishing you all a peaceful, safe and happy morning,

Venus you didn't just make yourself cry! Love to you in buckets.
Inde What a perfect poem, thank you.

I feel honoured to be here with such awe inspiring people, each, and every one.

Much love
xxx

Isinde that's beautiful - especially "History, despite its wrenching pain,Cannot be unlived, and if faced With courage, need not be lived again." Hear hear!!
Sorry that your iving in the house of sick, it's horrible isn't it? But well done on day 5!!

Day 17 for me, still feeling good and going strong - had a bit of a moment last night where I couldn't sleep and felt like "something bad" was going to happn, then I dreamt about my friend - the one who's washed her hands of me. Despite that I've woken up feeling fine and ready to go into the city!!

venus your dd sounds a lot like my ds when he was aged between 14 - 17, I was the one who bent over backwards to help him in any way I could, but was also the one that bore the brunt of the bad times too.

golly how are things today? hope you're ok xx

ah Indie - beautiful!
Will add that one to my personal anthology of favourite poems.
Be well soon!

isindi - ive never much of a one for poetry but that was spot on!

im off to meeting today, bit of shopping to get things for dds engagement party! its on sunday afternoon and i have about 50 people here for cake and champagne (cranberry and soda for me and the drivers! ) please pray for sun for me as otherwise it will be a bit of a squeeze!

qo - enjoy your shopping!

Morning All

Golly so sorry that you are having such a hard time, please keep talking to us, even if we cannot help sometimes a problem shared feels much better than keeping it in inside.

I have had a fairly significant emotional thing going on for the last few weeks, and it was fairly tearing me up, first thing I thought of when I opened my eyes, last thing I thought of at night, was really finding it emotionally wearing and really hard work, on Monday I finally confided to someone exactly how I was feeling, and a huge huge weight has been lifted just by talking it through.

I hope that you are feeling better this morning.

indie I love that poem, I have copied and pasted it into my little file (everygrowing!) of inspirational and uplifting things to read.

qo enjoy shopping

JWN will say a little sunshine prayer for you!
venus hugs my friend, your words always seem to hit home with me, I do hope and pray that my DD, who is just 13, manages to navigate the transition from child to adulthood without too many difficulties, but if she does, I will have the strength to deal with them.

thornrose chocolate will not kill you . Anything is better than the booze.

Well - had better try and achieve some work.
Have a great day all - sun is shining here and I hope that it is shining on you too!!

Love
Bafana

hello all.

Back on the bus. Day two. Feel tired and teary. Better than hungover and mortified.

Beautiful Indie. Golly, I am so sorry you are going through such a traumatic time. I have no experience to offer but hope things get easier for you and your family very soon.

Am dealing with freaking headlice AGAIN here. I wish I knew where the hell the kids are picking them up from. They both have long, wavy, easily knotted hair. More treatments, cleaning brushes and washing linen for me. Can't stop bloody itching.

Sorry that sounded a bit down! I have found much strength from your words on here.
I have decided to take a break from drinking as it seems i was using it to much as a crutch. I know it is for the best at the mo. I have been drinking , wine most eve's and realised it was getting to habitual. I did'nd realise the fallout would be so full on. Achey sweaty - quess shows how much damage it can do that you try to ignore.
So for today I am not drinking!
You never know may even get some work done...................