The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spring Into Summer.

[Mouseface]

Hello

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

This is a quest full of Babes, all fighting to remain sober, cut down or are somewhere in between right now.

You ticket to travel is free, it won't expire, and the Bus will always be here, even if there are days when you are not. So come say hi.

I'm Mouse. I have a thing for cheese and vodka, not together, well, not always!

Here is a LINK to the last thread, where you can read all of the previous threads and the journeys so far.

Hi BB some baking tomorrow and catching up with a friend on Mon...

What are you going to make? I thought I might do a stem ginger loaf and a fruit loaf made with cold tea. The ginger cake has carrot in it so I'm hoping it will contribute to my 5 a day
Visit with your friend sounds good, is she a good listener? Some RL support would be good?

someone mention baking! - i made a tea loaf the other day, dear god! it was so bloody heavy it was like a weapon of mass destruction! , it also took a chain-saw to cut it! - dds fiance absolutly wolfed it down!

dh and i have had a bit of an up and down day tbh, in some ways he is doing my fucking head in and then i look at him and see the lovely man i married - this weekend marks a year of sobriety for me - i can honestly say i have not had a sip since that last awful day, i mentioned it to dh and lunchtime and he asked me i really expected him to 'celebrate' and remember one of the worst days of life! - i think that part of our problem right now is that this 'annerversary' (sp?) is causing us to do quite a bit of navel gazing and its perhaps not the best thing to be doing! hey ho! such is life i suppose! onwards and upwards!

btw, im seriously impressed with your running ma! - i am doing a lot of 'quick walking' on the treadmill at the gym, boy!, its hard work!

Massive congratulations JWN! I'll bloody celebrate with you even if he doesn't want to I think it's a bit mean of him not to want to congratulate you. I can see why he doesn't want to remember the awful stuff but that's not what you're celebrating! I guess what they (not sure who ) say about only alcoholics understand other alcoholics is true though, so perhaps it's just that he doesn't properly realise what a feat it is to be a whole year sober.

I can't imagine a year sober yet, it's a long way off for me and at the moment it seems like it's going to be a bloody slog to get that far although I'm hoping that the steps will walk me there more easily before long.

JWN - it's like a blocked drain or a bad smell. Deal with it, clear it out and move on.

This was bound to happen. It's the elephant in your lounge. Kick the bugger out and start to live again. I should imagine that the build up to this weekend, conscious or not, has been playing on all of your minds.

And tbh, I thought DH saying that to you was bang out of order. Like rubbing your nose in it. YOU KNOW what you did, YOU KNOW that you fucked up big time.

But YOU KNOW that you took serious, passionate and unwavering action to change that. And you DID!

So my very dear friend, without YOU, none of us would have found the support we all need. Without YOU we wouldn't have 'met' each other. Without YOU, we'd be much worse off. Without YOU, there'd be no Brave Babes.

JWN - I heart you so much to sharing this last year of your life with us all, old and new.

Here's to another 12 months of not getting pissed!

Love you lots,

Mouse xxxxx

I agree with exactly what mouse said!

I read your first thread on the day that you posted it, I felt for you from the very core of my being but didn't post because I knew I had the same problem with alcohol (and my behaviour when drunk) so thought it would be hypocritical. I was absolutely floored by your honesty and courage, and although I had admitted elsewhere that I thought I had an alcohol problem I wasn't ready to address it seriously at that time, but I think it probably had a deep and long lasting effect on me and was a part of how I got to the point of going to AA myself, so thank you from the bottom of heart xx

JWN CONGRATULATIONS!! You have done bloody well, and I, for one, am really proud of you.

I can also see your DH point of view though. The anniversary will just bring back those bad memories, and it will take a long time to get over that. No-one ever forgets sad or bad events, they just start to hurt less as time goes on. You have, though, started to build some great new memories, like DD's party and your sober Xmas celebrations, which will eventually take over from the bad memories.
You will get over this trying time, have you made any progress on organising counselling and are DH and DD willing to participate? I am sure it will help even if it is just for you to start with.
You have acheived a terrific milestone, and I hope that you will continue to have the strength to keep it up.
X

Hello, ladies!
Phew, bit of a tumultuous couple of days!

JWN DO CELEBRATE you have done master job. but, I know how it throws all sorts of other things up.

We have had a lovely day at DC2's prize giving, and then got home, and given lift's to the party tonight, DH is on drive duty, because he chose to, and so, where am I?

DH does doesn't seem to realise what a major thing this is for me: both children leaving home, at the same time. One of my friends sent me a message to say that there is an old Indian proverb, to say that

thanks babes! - tbh i think he was being a bit of shit actually! at the same time though, i kind of understood where he was coming from - i think we need to have a bit of fun, just lately its been all work and no play, we are both knackered and stressed and need some time out - we have a long weekend in paris in june and that thought is keeping me going right now!

golly, thats a lovley post, im constantly amazed at the growth of this bus!, i have visions of it being like the harry potters night bus or the room of requirement, it grows and streaches and accomodates each new babe as they step aboard!

today we have started the 'renovation' of the bedrooms, oh bugger, right now i wish we hadnt, everything is everywhere!, the thing is, we need to re-carpet all the rooms so we have to move loads od stuff to see a begininng iyswim?

dh is watching the football, im sober and tired so i think im off for bath and bed!

night night you lovley lot!

L XXXXXXXXXXX

thurso - I believe in the feathers thing.... I give DD and Nemo feathers for their wings, to lift them above danger, trouble and bad times. And to protect them from the storm, the fires and the floods. Their feathers keep them warm, safe and strong.

Lovely to see you post xx

Thurso I like the Indian saying. Funnily enough this afternoon both the kids were out as they often are these days at weekends and I said to dh that afternoons like that are starting to give me a little feel for what it might be like when they come to leave home. I have mixed feelings about it, sort of happy to have less demands made of me but at the same time a little bit lost as I'm so used to being called on to a zillion things every hour - add to that the worries that dh and I will still have enough to talk about and want to spend more time in each other's company and it's all a bit daunting.

I heard a long time ago that your job as a parent is to provide your children roots and wings. I repeat that to myself often.

thurso, i know exactly how you feel!, dd leaving is another thing that has been playing on my mind - its a strange feeling, i dont exactly feel redundent, we get on sooo much better with a bit of space between us but there is a kind of void, and a few regrets playing on me! i suppose i just keep wondering if i could have been a better mother, i keep looking at it and yes!, i certainly could have been and now its all far too late to anything about it! (see what i mean about navel gazing! ) i do have regrets at only having one child, i regret not spending the time with her when perhaps i could and should have done - the memories of her as a little girl keep flooding me too!, her little face on the pillow, her little hand in mine when we crossed the road, drinking tea out of the tea-set with all the teddies in a circle, measuring sunflowers, collecting sea shells (wondering what the god awful smell in the car was and finding dead hermit crabs in a bucket under the seat! )

now ive made myself snivvle and im definatly off for a bath!

Also thurso, your job isn't over my love, it's just changing as it has for all of these years.

You will always be their mother, no matter what xx

Oh god, JWN, you're setting me off now! It's a good job I'm sober otherwise I'd be wailing like a fool

ahh! there were a few times i could have cheerfully strangled her! the time when she told the customs officer about the big bag of fireworks in the boot!, the time she 'painted' her bike, the lawn, the path and the garage door with a tin of gloss paint, the time she washed all her barbies under a running tap with the plug in and bought down the hall ceiling! the time she dyed her hair bright pink and i had to take the flak from the school and stop her being excluded, the time her and her friend pinched a bottle of port from her friends house and her friend had to have her stomach pumped, oh i could go on! one thing though, i wouldnt change her for all the money in the world!

oh and the time she told grandad to fuck off! she was 3 and smelly peter harris at nursary had 'told me it'!

Perhaps I should think of something to stop me being all gooey eyed and nostalgic. How about the time she sat on my head in a shitty nappy at 6.30 am. Not a nice way to wake up

Mine's gone awol again tonight. She was supposed to be being picked up by dh at midnight from a party but she's refusing to tell him (via text) where the party is She's with friends so i can only hope that she's ok. It's not the first time and we are utterly powerless to do anything about it so we'll have to ride it out and hope she comes home tomorrow, which she will. Gah.

Crikey, if you knew what a trouble was DC1 when he was younger! I wish I had this let out, then!

DH seems completely unaware of my angst tonight, I am so fed up.
I am wondering what to to in the future, worrying about DC2's exam results, and extra worrying that DC1 has got too much on his plate.

I really have to let this go, but, because Dh seems to do so so easily, I can't.

Sorry for the old me, me post, can't quite understand how a lovely day has come to me thinking like this. Almost think Dh woud prefer me with a couple of drinks down!

hey Thurso - DD1 and DD2 are both leaving home in september at the same time!! One to college, one to au pair in Spain. it will be most odd.
Me, the Boy and DH left. Why am I less than thrilled?

Result! dd1 has called, given a location and asked to be collected. Wonders will never cease

It must be extremely odd for more than one child to leave home at the same time I never used to understand women that got upset when their kids left home. When my kids were small I used to dream of the day... of course I'm starting to understand it a bit more now that my kids are older (14 & almost 12). My mum used to say not to wish their lives away by thinking about how it would be easier as they got older and she was right. She wasn't right about many things but I'll give her that one

Hi ladies, marking my place for when I feel ready to return. We lost the baby at 12 weeks and I am drinking so I can just pass out at night.

This is just a flying visit for now but I will come aboard properly soon.

Well Day 1 again for me

Feel lousy today. The kitchen floor is wet and I don't know why.

BUT before I got too hammered last night I did email ex and explain that at last I 'got' it - I would not be calling round there unannnounced ever again, and for him to please pay me what he owes promptly every time for car repairs etc. This feels like a huge step and I feel stupidly guilty about it

The dogs have had their wee and I am going back to bed. Drinking is ust so not worth it -pleasureable for about 20 minutes then crap the rest of the time. What a waste.

MsGee I am so sorry to hear your news

Morning ladies,

MsGee so sorry to hear your sad news. Thinking of you, and hoping to hear from you soon.

4c4 Bacon sandwich and mug of tea for you

Thank you for all your replies last night. It is wonderful to know that so many of you know how I am feeling. I can't believe the empty nest syndrome is happening to me!

I spoke to Dh this morning, and tried to explain again, that although it been a lovely day, last night I felt bereft and sad. He said that he felt very sad too, and when I asked him why he didn't tell me, he said that he didn't want to make me feel worse , it would have made me feel so much better to know that he had these feelings too. Men are from Mars, eh!!

xxx