The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spring Into Summer.

[Mouseface]

Hello

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

This is a quest full of Babes, all fighting to remain sober, cut down or are somewhere in between right now.

You ticket to travel is free, it won't expire, and the Bus will always be here, even if there are days when you are not. So come say hi.

I'm Mouse. I have a thing for cheese and vodka, not together, well, not always!

Here is a LINK to the last thread, where you can read all of the previous threads and the journeys so far.

Hi JWN and all the other bus riders and lurkers.

JWN your sobriety is an achievement. I am a week or so behind you to the one year mark and have found myself reflecting on the changes the last year has brought.

A 'me' post but I would appreciate the chance to share.

Yes there is the enjoyment of life, the real sense of tangible relief at no longer carrying the guilt of my drinking and consequences therefrom, the better skin, the reduction in anxiety in DH re my drinking, being a better mum, a more reliable friend and fulfilling my work responsibilities with more confidence in my decision making.

BUT, I know that DH's anxiety is close to the surface and our relationship is rebalancing. Before, I would often 'suck up' small issues because I felt guilty about how drinking affected our lives generally so let some matters go. Now there is no drinking guilt I feel more ready to challenge and that can lead to more tension - I guess that is just real life. At the end of the day, DH married the pre-drunk feisty version of me! And I like that 'me' much more.

My last drinking session followed a week away - and I am about to, not exactly, repeat that week but this time I will not be choosing the wine each night, drinking someone else's glass when they went to the loo, waking every morning feeling rough, sneeking away to get a drink during the day and then getting home at the end of the week and just deciding to get wasted to the point where my hiding 'my bottle' got forgotten and I was finally found out!

I am not sure DH will remember that 1 year will have passed and I will not be mentioning it for fear of reminding him of that night and the weeks of anguish that followed. The sobriety is mine to remember, one day at a time. The benefits of my sobriety I am delighted to be sharing with those I love who for some years before the last one had a less pleasant person to live with.

I don't post often, but read and take heart from all the experiences shared here. Wishing all well with their challenges today. Today I will not be drinking - indeed can't stand the smell of even my most favourite dry white!

Hello Babes.

No sleep again here but Nemo's new meds have arrived. I am hoping with every fibre of my being that they help to soothe him. I don't feel safe driving at the moment through being so tired.

I was at hospital this morning, I had some 'lumps' checked out, been going on a while but felt a bit embarrassed posting on here, but everything is fine

Nemo is napping and I'm catching up with life, shopping, washing, cleaning and tidying. Funny how you can still run on empty!

How are we all?

Glad the 'lumps' are nothing sinister Mouse!

mouse no wonder you're tired when you've spent so much time making scones and cakes for all us lazy slackers here on the bus PS - I can give you the recipe if you like.... But seriously mouse, I look forward to the day when you get some help, but you know sweetie, that despite your fierce independence, you will have to accept their help. I can understand what you are looking for - 100% mouse-quality care and attention for nemo; 100% mouse-quality suuport to fight for his rights (and yours); 100% mouse-quality support for everyone in your family - but you know that "mouse-quality" is pretty bloody supreme, and that maybe you will have to accept 90%. Because accepting that compromise will give you time and energy to fight for all the rest of the things that you and your family should have. You know that the offer is always open - tell us what you need us to do, we'll do it. If you need to sleep, tell us how we can make that possible, and someone will be there.

JWN you know what I think --- you have done 2 amazing things: in one year (1 year!!!) you have turned your life around, stopped drinking completely, resurrected your relationship with dd, and got your fucking mojo back; AND you have started a series of threads which have inspired so many of us lurkers and posters to think about our drinking, and where it could lead us. You're a champion, and errrr, yes, treat it as something of a wonderful achievement

And JWIM we all know that it doesn't matter whether we're the most fantastic poster, or the most fantastic lurker, each of us has faced (and is continuing to face) our own demons. We each find our own way to deal with it. Each of us should feel proud for the day that has passed, whether that is the 365th day, or the 358th day, or the 2nd day.

Today is just another day when I will not be drinking.

JWIM - your post is bang on! - i do think the years of drinking and the guilt of it has caused quite a number of things to be pushed beneath the surface - i too feel able now to say what i feel and feel properly entitled to do so - i think that is very much what is causing us problems right now, dh has had things very much his own way for quite a while now (yes, i used to rant and rave about all sorts of things, but who takes any real notice of a drunk?) - i now feel my voice is rational and should be listened to, he has just as much adjusting to do as i do in way, he just isnt finding it easy right now and im taking the brunt of it!

Awww :)

I was hiding it Venus

Nom nom nom...

I love this bus and all its passengers.

Mouse - I fervently hope that Nemo's new medicines work tonight.

It's a bit grey here today, but the wind has dropped. I am so annoyed with myself for wasting my last leave when it was lovely and sunny, drinking.

The more I think about this, the more I realise that all we have is now. Life is short, time is precious, and a healthy mind and body should not be taken for granted.

wos this chocolate paradise stuff and why havent i got a piece?

recipe please venus!

OK Brave Babes - recipe for Chocolate Paradise Slice - (you have to remember that I first made this for my Girl Guide Cookery Badge in the 1970's and the 'chocolate' at the time would have been Scotblok Chocolate Flavoured Bar)... now I use organic coconut and cherries and Waitrose 70% cocoa solid chocolate. Still easy to make and tastes fantastic..

(oh and apologies to those who cook in metric, I did say that it's an old recipe )

Ingredients
6oz chocolate (70% cocoa solids)
3oz desicated coconut
2oz raisins
2oz chopped cherries
4oz caster sugar
1 egg

Method
Melt chocolate in a basin over a pan of hot water
Spread melted chocolate over the base of a greased baking tray, and place in fridge to set
Mix the rest of the ingredients together and spread over chocolate which should be set firm
Bake in oven at 170 degrees for 15 - 20 minutes
Allow to cool and cut into slices.

Yum, yum, yum

Venus you lovely girl!,

We are going to a "take one's own posh picnic" do, on Saturday, and Venusandmars slice will be perfect .

venus - oh how I wish one of you could really be here and that Nemo would settle.

Remember that I said his nurse was trying to sort out respite for him/me 2 weeks ago? Well, I've heard nothing since. Not a peep. She's been away and had to take a few more days leave, so we're no further along.

It's going to take weeks and so much effort on Nemo's part to let this new person into his life. I need help today, not in 2 or 3 weeks.

One thing that I'm struggling with is when I hit the wall, had given every last drop of myself and begged for help, I was told it would happen so in my mind, I'm fighting my way to the end of the tunnel.

But where is it, the end? Where is this person? I honestly think that at any moment I will crumble. Thank Jeff that DH is here to help me.

He's just taken Nemo out in the car to give me a break. He'll be a half hour.

The only break that I get is hydro (for me), physio (for me), the docs (for me), shopping (for the family) it's not really time off is it?

So my wonderfully kind hearted venus - it's not that I don't want any of you to help, it's that you can't help me. Well, unless one of you moves in?!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart kind lady, I love how much you and others care xx

JWN - I second each and every word venus has said there. You are a MASSIVE inspiration and source of support to so many posters and lurkers. You should be so proud of what your threads have achieved.

You rock lady xx

My darling Mousie

I despair, just what does it take for someone in healthcare to respond to your needs. I don't know how to help, or what to suggest, just know that I care, and send you all my love. Is there any way the GP who you like, could help, or hurry things up?
Please take care of yourself Mouse. I know that it doesn't come naturally to you , you want to help everyone else, but you are a very important person, and you can't do all you do, when you are so run down.
Grrr, I could shake them for you.

Seriously Babe - you must be very relieved about the check up - and I think that it will have been preying on your mind and affecting your whole life more than you think Babes.

JWN and JWIM How bloody fantastic are you two

Yes, I'm relieved about today but it was kinda in the background IYSWIM? I was too busy being shouty mummy for Nemo to worry about me.

thurso - He's in Oz still. Family energency or some such drama so I have no idea when he'll be back. I've left messages for someone at Children's Services to call me but to no avail so far.

I ordered some new meds for him. Not from a doctor, from a chemist that a very dear friend told me about so tonight I will try it and see how we go.

Thing is, when he's ill, I have to stay up checking his breathing, DH has to work and then I'm back at hospital first thing in the morning for my MRI scan.

All bloomin go here you know!

Thank you so much for caring, I just need to vent it out here so that I don't take it out on DH or DD!

(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

mouse you have such a lot on your plate - as well as Silver's chunk of cheddar! Can you begin to see a chink of light at the tunnel end with the positive news about those 'lumps'. Even with your most immediate worries (nemo, sleep, family life, building work) I am sure that the worry that there might be something more sinister will (no matter how deeply buried) have added to the drain on your energy and emotions. I so hope that this positive news will be the start of more small positive actions, each one making that chink brighter and your life a little less tiring.

JWIM - can I call you Jim for short? I get confused between you and Jesus*

Thank you so much for your post. I didn't give the lump situation much thought really. There's nothing that I could have done about it, so I just waited like a good little Mouse for my appt today, got the 'all clear' as it were and carried on.

And actually, what worries me more is the fact that I didn't really care (at least consciously) about what the doc said today. How daft is that?! I can't quite explain it but I'm at the end of the list when it comes to my family and friends needing support..

I'm sure we've all been there, worrying about others and not looking after ourselves.

My sister is going through a horrendous battle with her XH, my mother's MS is bad due to stress, DH is mad busy at work, DD started her periods last week, I'm chasing appts for Nemo left, right and centre and to add to all the drama the Docs is having a full referb so I've not been able to get my repeat meds as the dispensary has been shut! Plus Nemo being ill and going through 10 nappies a day because his tummy is upset all the time.

Phew, that's better out.

Seriously though Babes, that's all I need. A vent! Ignore it by all means, it's just waffling on here so that I empty my head and don't download to DH all the time.

AND - I'm still not drinking! Amazing what a kick up the arse from some very well meaning friends can do for you. And you are to me, all very dear friends.

Mouse 'JIM' is fine by me.

If venting here helps then vent away. And not drinking - well it seems to me that that is caring for you as well as the rest of the family.

Sending lots of wishes that the meds for Nemo help both of you have a restful night (even if for a few hours).

Mwahs to you JIM, thank you xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Night all xxxxxxxx

i think everyone needs a good 'vent' now and again! - you are a poor little wee mousie right now so vent away! tbh, its so frustrating to hear how bloody slow any help is in appearing for its the least we can do to allow a good vent when its needed!

im off to bed myself now, hope you get a bit of sleep mouse, see you all in the morning babes!

L XXXXXXXXX

Good morning Babes and Miflaw,

Mouse I hope, hope that you are still sleeping, and that you had at least a couple of hours unbroken rest.

JWN I hope that you are feeling BOINGYER .

Morning Thurso morning all :)

thurso I know what you mean about the mornings - I am still so relieved to wake up a) early b) refreshed and c) hangover-free.

Grey and overcast here too but unlike the last leave I took over the last bank holiday, I'm not ruining it by drinking, so it's all good.

Going to the pictures this morning with my friend then lunch afterwards. Oh and The Man is coming to measure my bedroom windows for some wooden venetian blinds. Another present to myself.

Mousie hope you got some rest last night....

I'll have been on the bus three weeks tomorrow !

Today I will not drink. No matter what :)