The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Spring Into Summer.

[Mouseface]

Hello

Welcome to The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

This is a quest full of Babes, all fighting to remain sober, cut down or are somewhere in between right now.

You ticket to travel is free, it won't expire, and the Bus will always be here, even if there are days when you are not. So come say hi.

I'm Mouse. I have a thing for cheese and vodka, not together, well, not always!

Here is a LINK to the last thread, where you can read all of the previous threads and the journeys so far.

Night BB off to bed here too.

Sleep well Babes

Night BB, munky, upsy, ready to face another new day tomorrow.

well done rose and munky

munky - congrats on your promotion! Similar shite at my place which basically meant I had to raise my game significantly, new boss etc, - and what did I do? Carried on drinking all the harder, until I really scared myself and stopped 18 days ago. I've had longterm sobriety before and I will again - we can all do this.

Life is so much better sober already.

I had a very good sing - another day under my belt.

Pressed send too soon - meant to say night night to everyone.

Evening all
Just checking in - well done to everyone who has managed to fight off the demon tonight, especially munky that's better willpower than I could ever ever manage to have, once started, I could not stop I really do admire that you could.

Spent the evening sorting out stuff for the lawyer! Not fun. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, if I ever ever come on here saying that I have met someone, shake some bloody sense into me. Been such a mug, and financially totally taken for a -fucking- fool.

Ah well, saving a small fortune not drinking, just unfortunately spending it on lawyers and not pretty shoes . Well, I suppose if I should be grateful that spending it on lawyers is better than spending it on booze. As she scrabbles around desperately looking for the positive.

Sleep tight brave babes.
Love to you all
Bafana

Morning Babes.

Silver - fab to see you lovely, I know I can always find you under the back seats but maybe, once in a while, you could come out to drive us somewhere nice? xx

bafana - you have my deepest sympathies having to deal with the breakdown of a relationship. Having to start your life literally from scratch, sorting money, property, bills, belongings out is truly shite.

You know where I am if you need to RANT!! xx

Munky - morning, how are you feeling today? Well done for chucking the wine last night. Not an easy thing to do.

Sorry to see that some Babes are struggling. I always find the weekends harder than any other time. Daft really given that at 36 I can have a drink whenever I like. I just need not to.

Well, after all of my hydro, walking about, stay and play etc, I was so tired by the time I went to bed that my body had given up. I managed to lose my footing, no power in my stupid legs so cracked my shin on the side of the bed so hard that it broke the skin.

I. Need. Sleep.

There were so many of you struggling yesterday. I have been in exactly the same shoes as all of you. Venus, your account of how devious we become with our family and friends in order to get as much booze down our throats without them knowing really struck a chord with me. I have done all that too. I have hidden cans in the bathroom to drink in there without anyone knowing and have swigged wine from the mug beside the toothbrushes with the same intent.
My God, reading that back, I still sometimes question if I REALLY have a drink problem????!!!

Today is Friday, my mother and father are visiting for the weekend. My mother is a binge drinker and will be expecting the wine box to be opened tonight.
I need to remind myself that for today at least, normal drinking is beyond me.
Wish me luck for later brave babes.
Have a good day everyone.

Luci x

luci

I really wish that you could find a way to not join in with your mum tonight. Maybe try and alternate your drinks? Wine/juice/wine/water...... I guess I am telling you exactly what you already know.

Sorry. Can I ask you if you want to drink tonight? Are you looking forward to being able to drink later on?

I find that when there is an occasion, I look forward to being 'allowed' to drink IYSWIM. Not that I used to/normally have more than a couple of glasses but it's the build up that gets me.

'Nearly wine o'clock, goodie!'

Just wondering how you feel about it all. xx

Mouse, yes I want to drink tonight. I really really want to. Am trying not to think about whether I will. Deep down I know I will but am going to do everything I can to hold off for as long as possible and only have a couple mixed with lots of soda.
There seems to be constant temptation for me at weekends. DP is around, he has beers in the fridge begging to be drunk. I feel I can relax as there's another adult to look after the kids. I feel I deserve it.

I know whenever do drink I overdo it, scare myself and start the week with anxiety and self-loathing, pitying my kids for having such a shit mother.
The thing I don't understand is I am not in denial. I know I have a problem with drink. My grandmother was an alcoholic. I grew up being aware of the signs. Why don't I just stop?

Am so sorry you are so exhausted. Did you get the OTC med for Nemo?

luci - it's not that easy is it? Just to stop. You really really really have to want to. With ever fibre of your being, in your heart, soul, mind, you have to want to stop.

I don't want to stop forever, but I've done 3 dry nights now and feel more in control and better for it. I'm going out tonight (whooooo-hooooooo) just for a few hours to a friend's house (whoooooooo-hoooooo again!) and there will be wine and I will be drinking it.

The difference I guess is that this is a planned evening, much like yours.

If I know that I will be drinking, I can plan my night. I can plan my intake and set myself a limit. Whether or not I'll stick to that limit will remain to be seen. It's 11.42am, I'm not going to worry about it now. Or later.

Take the pressure off yourself luci. Just go with the flow of the night and when you have a drink (yes, when) just try and go slow, drink less, eat plenty, have water in between , or before bed.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF WHAT YOU DRINK!!

I've ordered Nemo meds off line. I know what they are because he's had them in hospital and my brother used to take it when he was younger. Roll on posty arriving!!

Thank you Mouse. You are right. I am in control of my drinking, no one else. I need to use that control. I really hope the meds help you and Nemo get many nights of good sleep. It is so hard not having any opportunity to let your mind switch off and your body recharge.
Will be thinking of you tonight. X

You know where I/we am/are later if you need to talk. I'll be thinking of you too. Take care luci, and take the pressure off yourself to be something that you are not. You will get where you want to be when you are ready, in time.

Your own time xx

Afternoon all. Thaks for yesterday's comments . I managed to stop myself from going mad and went up to bed at 9, so at least I didn't continue. It's a bugger though . 4c thanks for your pm. I will reply to it later! I have heard about the p/t job and have an interview next week, so that's good, also sen a really good f/t one to apply for. It's so easy to, as everyone says, just drown in self pity and drink at times like this. venus you were spot on - the times I've tried to pretend that I was drinking the same as dh, and he's spotted how pissed i was - for me to make some excuse about being 'tired' or 'well I haven't really had a proper drink for ages...' Tonight we are going to the gym with the children until 7.30 so i will be being 'fit' and won't have anything unitl 8pm, if at all. I am in agreement with you luci I'm not in denial either, I just like drinking!! Argh. Thanks again to all. I hope you are all having a lovely Friday

Afternoon everyone - just checking in from work

Two weeks sober today for me. :)

Good luck to everyone planning on being careful tonight. Keep safe, and enjoy.

God how I wish I COULD moderate. I've tried so hard for so long and the truth is once I get a bit buzzed I want to be a LOT more buzzed.

That's the first defence down, and then I think something sinister and chemical kicks in and I carry on drinking, on and on, till it's all gone, regardless of consequences.

I've tried looking at it differently, that maybe if I can change my belief about lack of control, it will somehow help me to enjoy just a glass or two, that it was simply a self-fulfilling prophecy. Much as I want that to be true, I've proved to myself it's not. Sooner or later it ends with me drinking every night to blackout, waking every morning with a terrible hangover and the prosepect of a long commute and a long day at the office.

A few weeks ago over the bank holidays I had some leave and 'wine o'clock' was coming earlier and earlier - to just before lunchtime, then on and on through the day.

What Venus posted a few pages back about the little deceptions was so spot on. I've done all that and more besides when I was living with ex h. Recently when having drinks with some neighbours, I was given someone's glass to hold while she went to the loo. I drank as much from that glass as I thought I could get away with as I was growing concerned i wasn't going to get enough. She noticed. I tried to bluff my way out of it but it wasn't too successful. The humiliation.

For me it's not about feeling warm and fuzzy round the edges, then stopping. I am saying this to remind myself really - the thought is tempting but I know for me it will lead pretty quickly to where I was before. This may well not be the same for everyone. I'm really, really not banging any drum here.

But I know it is for me and anything else is just self-deception.

Hope you have a fantastic time on holidays Isindie, we will miss you:)

I'm out of here for the evening Babes

IsinDe - have a really wonderful holiday with your beautiful girls. I'm sure that once you get there, once you settle into the place, it will be awesome.

Have a blast xx

Have a fab holiday Isindie

4c4 bloody well done, 2 weeks is brilliant. I have also been known to sneak other people's drinks at parties . I too love the 'buzz' and do not know when to stop. It is s bloody hard.

Don't feel as bad as I should today, probably helped by poring that wine away last night rather than necking it. Met my new team and we've got a long slog ahead of us for the next few months so I hope I can be the best manager I can......a sober one!

ODAAT.....Day 1 here and I will NOT be drinking.

have a good holiday isindi!

nice to see you munky!

im not doing too well here - im not about to drink or anything like that, i just feel very low, i've felt like it for about a week, been fighting it but today i just dont feel up to the fight - i think it may well be hormonal, im 48 , dd has moved in with her df so i feel a bit redundant and dh and i have a few 'issues' right now, nothing to major, but it is stuff that needs sorting out - i think im quite emotionally immature tbh (i wonder if years of being drunk and not dealing with 'stuff' is the problem) - i have kind of expected dh to spend time congratulating me on being such a wonderful sober person that i have forgotten that it will take him time to feel 'safe' with the new me iyswim? - we have been together nearly 16 years and i have only been sober for one of them - i need to keep reminding myself to take it one day at a time, not just staying sober but but all aspects of life!

oh! btw silver!, my spelling bothers you FAR more than it does me! you little pedant you!

isindie if you're still around - have a fab holiday.

luci I know that it could be really difficult tonight when your mother comes. What I have found is that half-heartedly hoping that I''ll stay sober has never worked for me - probably because the other half of my heart is hoping to get drunk . I have also found that having one and then trying to moderate doesn't work for me either. I'm like 4c4 and having the first drink reduced my will power and gives me a little buzz that says I WANT MORE!. The only thing that works for me is to be very, very deliberate from the outset. To be absoloutely determined that at least the first 2 drinks I will not have any alcohol, and to plan very consciously what I will have instead (to avoid the 'oh go on, just give me a glass of red'). I use any reason I can think of - like I'm a bit thirsty I'll start with an orange juice, or I've got a bit of a headache so I'm just going to have tonic for the moment. None of those are saying that you WON'T join in, but I have found that such positive non-drinking really reinforces my subconscious decision. It also means that it's much late before you start drinking, you're already well hydrated, you've sometimes eaten most of your food, and who knows you might not even want to have any at all..... Of course, you will do what you want to do, but why not give my 2 non-alcoholic drink strategy a try, experiment with it and see how it goes...

luci - venus is spot on with her advice! - i cant take even the first drink, i know i would end up on a bender so i always have my strategy ready - make sure i know what i want to drink, make sure im hungry enough to look forward to my food (this can be a difficult one, there is a fine line for me around being hungry and ok and starving and pissed off!) good luck love!

JWN what do you like to do in the quiet times in your life - paint your toenails? have a luxurious bath? read a fabulous book? So much of your life sounds like a whirlwind, and you clearly get a buzz from events and people. but even extroverts do need a little quiet space - there's nothing wrong with spending an hour or two daydreaming to yourself or indulging in just doing nothing. Why not get reflective and write down the 5 most wonderful moments you can remember with your dh, then think of one thing that you could do that he would really love [note to Thurso and Ma, please put your smutty thoughts away] - it doesn't have to be a grand gesture or an expensive present, maybe just making him coffee and a cake, or ironing one of his shirts, or getting something done around the house that has been bugging him, or putting the radio on to his favourite station in the morning. That all reads a bit Stepford wives, but I'm only talking about one action, not a life-time.

You know that every day by being sober, you are demonstrating how much you love yourself, and how much you love him (and your dd), that's a very powerful thing to do, and it's not surprising that it does bring change in your relationship. And even good change requires some adjustment.

JWN, I've sent you a pm