Divorce papers served - have I done the right thing?

[Wisedupwoman]

Had to name change again to be on safe side.
Been posting on other thread - hope followers recognise this.

H gone five weeks ago after second affair in 4 years was discovered by me but not before he gave many, many clues and slip-shod attempts to keep it 'secret' from me. H wanted out and would have known my reaction to finding out hence i think he took this way to force my hand. Heartbroken as long, long relationship with both adult and teenage DC's involved.

Today the divorce papers went to court to be served. The therapist I'm seeing commented that this has been quite quick. This has set up train of thought which goes 'was this my fault, am I assuming too much here about what H really wants, is he such a monster........'

Need ongoing support about this please......

The beach... I miss the beach :( Big shady tree, water lapping at the shore, cool wind... seagulls nicking your chips, perfect

No, pretty sure it's not damp. I looked behind all the kickboards - just the odd little dust bunny (now in the hoover ) - bone dry. I'm now praying it's just some odd Easter thing the neighbours do?!

I do miss having a garden, frustrated being 'trapped' here... but shall renovate and see where that takes us!

Just having a cold drink then that shower and a trip to B&Q so that on Monday morning I can start at 6am when it's nice and cool and finish the first layer of filling, bit of a tidy up, coffee then start the sanding at 9. It's two walls away from the neighbours so they shouldn't be able to hear it (we can't hear each others hoovers, tv's or washing machines) and they're usually up early anyway. Hopefully I'll get the first full sand done.

I do love your posts Chipping

Hi Time - thank you I don't know how you can lurk - I lasted all of 5 minutes lurking!! [bugrin] What have you been up to today?

Lorks, Chipping do you never stop?
You put the rest of us to shame.

I have spent the day lazing, texting DD to tell her to PUT MORE SUN BLOCK ON and generally being a domestic slut.

In my married days I'd have been wielding the hoover round in a most ungainly manner, polishing anything that stood still for a moment....

Actually just discovered yet another plus - house is much more ordered and easy to manage - result!

Off to Sains to buy nice bottle of wine. And some kettle chips. And maybe a dip or two. And strawberries. with cream.

Feck. another gym visit.

[bugrin] I used to post quite a lot but that was in the days when it was a lot safer to do so, people are somewhat less agreeable these days [buwink] Then there are the threads where excellent advice and support is given so the only thing to do is lurk.

Domestic Sluttedness is great though don't you think Wisedupwoman? As is all the order you talk about. I love not having a man in my house and recommend it to anyone who will listen [bugrin]

Hi Wisedupwoman,

I have been lurking on your thread(s) and am in awe of how you have handled everything. You have done so much better than I did and are so much further along that I was at this stage. Just wanted to send you my support and say that things do get better. Hope my earlier threads helped, I got so much support/advice from many lovely people. Take care.

Solost x

Evenin' all.

have just had desperate text from friend who's bastard XH has just texted her 3 YEARS after doing the mega dirty on her. Full of self pity and all about him. So. Armed with said bottle of wine am going to offer anything I can by way of commiserations (with a few choice words about him, thrown in for good measure) and some of the excellent advice from MNetters.

Oh solost it's great to hear from you.

How are you, in a better place I hope?

Your thread - words fail me. I was to read your story. But encouraged too.

Thank you for posting here. Keep lurking and if you have any of your own wisdom please feel free.

It ain't over til it's over, as they say.

Evenin'

A tad confused - 3 years after they split up? Has he text her wanting her back? Or just ranting?

Anyway - rescue mission with wine is perfect. Yet another thing you are free to do at the drop of a hat without having to consider STBXH I hope she's OK :(

I survived B&Q didn't get what I needed ( can you believe it?? ) so will have to go to Homebase when they open on Monday, it's only 10 mins down the road and I can do everything but the sanding anyway - I think they open at 8.

Solost - nice to see you [busmile]

Time - ack, just post. AIBU is definitely more robust than it used to be, in fact 85% of MN is more 'robust' than it used to be. I don't know why, but it's OK if you just ignore the complete idiots [bugrin] Lurking is FAR too frustrating for a gobby mare like me.

Wisedupwoman, I am fine. Have just retreated from my thread for a while to absorb the great advice and try to toughen up!!

Am still practicing the art of detatching (some days better than others) but hopefully I am getting there You seem to be doing great! No advice Im afraid, you are doing fab! One thing I would say though, that things do get easier, 6 months ago I could never imagine being where I am now. I still have a long way to go but feel so much stronger now and I know that I (and you) will get there!

Solost x

Chipping I did post the other night, I was feeling defiant and so stood up to a rather bossy poster who was spouting crap and being rude to the OP. Then hid the thread so I didn't have to read her reply [bugrin]

Hello,

yes 3 years later, he does this periodically, but it was the anniversary and all. Anyways, the wine and a fair bit of piss-taking of said bastard did the trick.

B&Q are rubbish. I tried to buy a spanner from my local one - they didn't sell spanners.

Wiseupwoman I have just fallen into your thread, not read it properly but just want to wish you luck for the future and well done.

There must be a certain sort of wicked satisfaction in reading one's ex-bastard's description of how distraught he is. It would take a saint not to think "Well now you know how I felt when you left me on my own to pick myself up, look after our children and pay the bills while you went off with a younger bit of stuff, you heartless git, and it couldn't happen to a better person".

LOL to that Annie.

I pray (well, I sincerely hope) that my well-rehearsed and beautifully scripted refusals of STBXH's pleas to come back will one day have their moment.

Until then, I will get them out sometimes and hone them to perfection.......

Bastard ex does the dirty on unaware wife. Wife finds out and rightly slings his cheating arse out of the door. Bastard temporarily enjoys the 'perks' of shagging about without having to hide it. Bastard then starts to miss home comforts and becomes increasingly affected by his kids treating him like a leper because of his behaviour. Bastard also becomes painfully aware that the impending divorce will cost a bomb. In the meantime wife starts to recover from the shock and begins to re-discover herself - new clothes, redecorates, re-discovers her social life. Bastard sees wife enjoying - nay thriving - without him there and suddenly realises what an arse he has been and everything that he stands to lose. Bastard decides to try and effect a reconciliation with wife but complete with pocketful of self-justifying excuses as to why he was 'forced' into the affair...

Undiluted pure gold genius in a post!!! [bugrin]. I wonder if they realise just how sadly predictable they are [buhmm]

Until then, I will get them out sometimes and hone them to perfection.......

I have an image of you sharpening up your words like they were finely crafted sword blades [bugrin]...whilst maintaining a calm, patient, serene air about you....

"I have an image of you sharpening up your words like they were finely crafted sword blades"

Sharpening up the edges, yes, but not the tips - they need to be as blunt as hell

Hello.

just got home with DD, been to dinner with friends. Bit hard, once felt like crying, don't know why, but held it together. perhaps feeling like the odd one out of the couples.

anyway, DD was lovely. i think she felt it too, she was a bit quiet.

i hate times like that.

Evening wisedup - it's bloody hard sometimes, it's such a shame when you're out doing something that's meant to be enjoyable but can't help feeling down. I try and give myself a good talking-to and not let DH spoil the good times, but confess it doesn't always work . But going out and getting on with it is important and it will get easier, it has to!!!

Yes, I know so I won't refuse any invitations and friends know what it's like too.

I had my first vivid dreams about him last night. They involved us talking for the first time as he was about to leave, me asking him if it was my fault and him being very cold.

I woke up and went through various scenarios about where he was and how we was and what he was thinking and feeling. this is all part of the process of head and heart not being in sync i know. But i missed the man who once would have held me close to him.

I (still, goddammit) can't quite believe this has happened. 20 fucking years down the tube........

....and here's to the next twenty years of good times. And there will be plenty. wish I could go back to my self a decade ago and reassure me how well it would all turn out

Wisedup 'a fair bit of wine & piss taking did the trick' Brilliant [bugrin]

Your B&Q don't sell spanners? LOL - I'll have to have a look in mine next time! Spanners.... hardware shop...

I 'took the day off' from decorating - but I was at work all day! So not sure it counts as a day off!! [bugrin] Then we went to visit friends last night as we still had their kids Easter Eggs here.

Filled one wall this morning - just taking a wee break, then will do some more and after that pop to Homebase to get the goggles and starbucks next door to get a latte to go. Then it will be a fun afternoon of sanding!!

Hone them, my dear, hone them - I do so hope you get to use them one day!!

Sorry you felt sad as well last night. It is a weird time, full of conflicting emotions. No matter how much you know he's been (is being) a bastard - you still miss having 'someone' and you still want the future you thought you were going to have. It's shitty :( We can all be 'brave' and talk the talk... but actually, really, it fucking hurts like hell xxx

Time - well done [bugrin] Go and take a peek to see what they replied - report back!

Solost - it's all a journey huh, no great rush to the other end!

Migrating - Nah, they're all unique in their fucking stupidity angst don't you know [buwink]