Divorce papers served - have I done the right thing?

[Wisedupwoman]

Had to name change again to be on safe side.
Been posting on other thread - hope followers recognise this.

H gone five weeks ago after second affair in 4 years was discovered by me but not before he gave many, many clues and slip-shod attempts to keep it 'secret' from me. H wanted out and would have known my reaction to finding out hence i think he took this way to force my hand. Heartbroken as long, long relationship with both adult and teenage DC's involved.

Today the divorce papers went to court to be served. The therapist I'm seeing commented that this has been quite quick. This has set up train of thought which goes 'was this my fault, am I assuming too much here about what H really wants, is he such a monster........'

Need ongoing support about this please......

Good evening ladies? (inquisitive new girl pokes her nose onto your thread) just wanted to say wisedupwoman that flamin norah I am glad to see I am not the only one in this situation too hooray! after several years of finding badly covered up bits of rather sordid evidence of my (soon to be ex) husbands misdoings and sticking it out "for the kids". last summer I discovered he was at it again and something just snapped inside me. its just I feel I deserve better and so do our children. so he had to go. and two days later I filed for divorce and have never regretted it. I have kept things amicable for the kids sake, although I wouldnt choose to spend an evening in his company to be honest! the grass is not greener he has discovered, living with a new partner (the OW) and her three year old twins. who sound delightful btw but hes pushing 50 and has "been there, done that" with toddlers and looks pretty exhausted and sleep deprived every time I see him (bless!). whereas ours are now 14, 12 and 9 and I am enjoying their company so so much! its not easy being a single parent after 18 years of marriage but I just ran out of love and forgiveness for him, there is only so much you can take!!! sorry for my rant but I have dear friends surrounding me but all in couples, suddenly I feel like I am on a different planet to everyone around me (and its a small town situation here too :-/) x

Hello back Alldownhill and mum.

I feel more positive now. Things will turn out good.

What's helping is that DD has come out of herself and she's talking alot about her D, what she feels and wants, what she and her brothers are talking about together. She said she'd been worrying that it hasn't hit her yet, but the other night she had a bit of a cry and that was it. Good girl.

Turns out that even if the worst came to the worst, none of them will countenance XH coming home (a la knight in shining armour) under any circumstances so my XH has joined your XH's club mum!

Welcome anyway mum, hope you get hours of fun and support here like I do, it's great to chew the fat, off-load and bang on about stuff.
New thread will come soon I feel. I'll be a free woman before much longer - signing the affadavit tomorrow and then the nisi will come through. .

Anyone seen Chips? I think it's time to get the virtual goggles on and get stuck into The Room with her.

Night all,
xx

Oh I forgot, it's Apprentice night tonight.

See you tomorrow then!

I feel a Decree Partee coming on

Great news about the dress!! and DD in general. She's a smart kid, brought up well by her Mum, she's got his number.

Not in The Room tonight - sat in front of the TV, throat feels like I've swallowed razor blades, but that aside, it's Apprentice night so was 'over there' :)

Sleep well!! :)

MumTheTaxi - welcome :) 50 - 3 year old twins - loving it!! (I presume they aren't his?)

OMG I have read this thread and I havent laughed so much for ages. Are you sure we havent all been married to the same man at some point along the way? It would all make perfect sense then.

The twins could be his as he only had a vasectomy two years ago. Thats something I have put away for a rainy day to consider!!!

I met up with the OW in November and gave her some stuff including his vasectomy certificate as I certainly wont be needing it any more. And although I felt she had been very selfish in not considering the five children involved in all this mess, I thanked her for her intervention into our lives as he was now her problem and not mine any more. That totally freaked her out it was obvious to see.

Re my XH well I exaggerate hes only 46 but my three are coming home every other weekend on a sunday evening knackered because the twins wake up at 5am every morning and start shouting "mummmmyyyyyyy" and apparently "daddy goes onto the landing and gets quite cross" and also "daddy wears different pants now, like those Calvin Klein ones the plumber wore when he put the dishwasher in". O...M...G. A short stocky middle aged XH wearing such glaringly inappropriate underwear for his age (and build, dare I say). It doesnt bear thinking about. So his threadbare Asda cotton grundies are obviously a thing of the past haha! Needless to say the OW is younger - 32. I did have a bit of a titter on the side with my mates later over a bottle of vodka. Oh, and sadly the pants are the only thing XH has in common with the plumber, My god he is fit. about 20 years younger than me but fantastic eye candy. Think he got a bit overwhelmed cos its a small town and hes renowned for being quite cute so of course several girly friends piled into my kitchen on the pretence of grabbing a cuppa just to sit and watch him scrambling around on the floor installing pipework. Poor bloke, we didnt half have a giggle!! Thank you for your lovely welcome ladies you truly have cheered me up tonight. Working in PR has its downfall - I put such a good front on all the time, when there are down times I have to just lock myself away to save losing face! x

Hi - well done Wisey on surviving what sounds a gruelling interview. Great news on the prom dress too! Yes, a Decree Partee sounds fun Chips!

Hi mum - nice to "meet" you - I used to work in advertising/pr many years ago! I am definitely coming to the opinion that many of us on here were in fact married to clones of the same man - like a production line of wasters, rather than action men. And they all had their little outfits that came with them - Wisey's had the purple trousers kit, mine the lycra shorts, and yours the Calvin Kleins.

I love it that you thanked the OW! Bet that completely floored her.

It was pretty scary asking to meet her but I had no choice really - my kids were about to start spending weekends with her and I really had to give her the once over. Put on a good act and took comfort from the fact that she was very obviously more shit scared than me! Step away from the mumsnet... I have an exam today and should be revising but wtf. This puts everything into perspective now, whats the worst that can happen? I fail. Big deal. Have a lovely day everyone! x

"I met up with the OW in November and gave her some stuff including his vasectomy certificate as I certainly wont be needing it any more. And ... thanked her for her intervention into our lives as he was now her problem and not mine any more."

mumthetaxi, I like your style!

I like your style too, mum!

Back at work today, but not before quick visit to sol to end my marriage. Must do something nice to mark the occasion.

New thread will appear over the weekend I think !

As will new handbag.

wisedupwoman... oooo handbags are my new religion!

Think of something lovely to do to mark the beginning of what will be a new and liberating phase in your life. I celebrated my nisi by getting my nose pierced (and charging the £10 to his credit card). So much more satisfying than shredding his suits or whatever is traditionally done. He was horrified.

annie... my style as you kindly describe it is at best shambolic. Post OW meeting I dropped in at the pub, got massively pissed and ended up... well best not say really. Je ne regrette rien!!!!

Happy days and lots more to come x

... well shagged?

Even more stylish under the circumstances. It'e not a move I'd usually recommend, but sometimes these things must be done.

mum slinks off mumsnet head hanging in shame. never to be heard from again.

Guess what?

WISEY GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WELL DONE WISEY!!!!!!!!!!

The beginning of the new beginning.....

\o/

FANTASTIC!!

Congratulations. And as Migrating says, the beginning of the new beginning.

I'm really thrilled for you. Hope you are celebrating!!!

WELL DONE!!!!!

Now you can go out to treat yourself to an extravagant new handbag

And start yourself a new thread

WELL DONE WISEY!!!!! I am so proud of you! You go girl

(But if it's more money don't let anyone know who might use it to alter the settlement!)

mumthetaxi: Oh, noooo you don't slink off quietly in this thread - details, we want details.

A friend of mine celebrated her Absolute coming through by holding a party on a boat (Ireland), for a thousand close friends.....it was amazing!

I shall have a party too - hopefully mine will be done and dusted by Christmas - so it'll be one to celebrate in fashion! If you're within the Norfolk area, you are all cordially invited .... details to be announced nearer the time!

My oh my. It feels so good to say this with completely new meaning but - I can't believe it. Something good has happened which I made happen against the odds.

Phone call today. She asks me how I am and how the weather is with me and I'm thinking please just tell me I didn't have the experience and then I'll get on with my work.

But she didn't.
She said I gave an excellent presentation and they considered me as the most appropriate candidate for the job (subject to references blah blah).

Texted DD immediately, she's like a dog with two tails. Will keep it under wraps the two of us for as long as possible because ----

Saw sol today as well and swore the affadavit. He is now talking my talk - just make one attempt at mediation and if it doesn't work the way you want it, we're going to court. He's thinking that STBXH may not appear once he gets the court notice of the decree (with the order to pay costs) and our petition to pay mediation fees.
Saw colleague of STBXH as I was walking out of there to the other solicitors to swear the oath. She looks at the papers and then at me sadly. I say, don't be sorry, I'm fighting my way out of this marriage to X, not to stay in it and I'm not going to let him fuck with my head any longer. She says, good for you, make sure you take him for all you can get.

i don't know this woman very well. But she appears to know my STBXH quite well, it seems. Shame. No wonder he can't show his face here at the moment.

So over the weekend I'm going to start a new thread. Don't know what it'll be called yet.
Thank you all. In your individual ways you have contributed to me being able to transform myself into someone I hardly recognise from the person I was a few months ago. You all deserve much more than I could ever repay .

1000 close friends, Saffy? Bloody hell!

wisedupwoman... GO SISTER! Fantastic news! Go and raid the drinks cabinet tonight...!

Saffysmum... you really dont want details, especially as I'm in Suffolk, it could involve people "known to you"... you know whats its like in east anglia lol!! xx

Wisedupwoman Congratulations! What fabulous news! I have been following your story avidly although I haven't contributed as I can't really give any useful advice. I am thrilled to hear about the job. Well done!

Oh definitely mumthetaxi - we're all inter bred around these parts aren't we? You don't support Ipswich do you? (If you do, you're not coming to my divorce party). Give you a clue as to where I live and who I support: 1. Delia 2. "We are premier league..."

Totally thank you just for following - I can't tell you how much it means to have people 'out there' who take the time to read, never mind respond, to this thread.

Now where's Chipping before I get too pissed.........