Divorce papers served - have I done the right thing?

[Wisedupwoman]

Had to name change again to be on safe side.
Been posting on other thread - hope followers recognise this.

H gone five weeks ago after second affair in 4 years was discovered by me but not before he gave many, many clues and slip-shod attempts to keep it 'secret' from me. H wanted out and would have known my reaction to finding out hence i think he took this way to force my hand. Heartbroken as long, long relationship with both adult and teenage DC's involved.

Today the divorce papers went to court to be served. The therapist I'm seeing commented that this has been quite quick. This has set up train of thought which goes 'was this my fault, am I assuming too much here about what H really wants, is he such a monster........'

Need ongoing support about this please......

You aren't droning!

Of course you work for the same organisation and of course he's well known - it's always as complicated as possible

It's complicated when you have kids, to decide what to do about your name - I guess you have to think about what YOU want, then talk to DD about how she feels about it (if you decide you want to start using your maiden name again).

There are so many things that are hard to deal with, or just catch you unexpectedly - it's bloody hard at times :( I hated music (every song was just too personal)... people calling up to ask to speak to him... feck, it was all pretty shit at first, but only for a little while... (I found the best way to get over one man was to get under another but I didn't have a teenage daughter to consider!).

My mum has kept her married name. And the mrs. She was married from age of 22 until she was 42. Separated but still married until she was 52 and my father remarried. So I think her take on it was that she'd been mrs y for longer than she'd been ms x and that actually she quite liked the name.

I think you should only consider yourself to be droning when you are still talking about the same things in six months.

By that time you would be boring yourself and thats when you should be worried!!

These are all new decisions that you would never have imagined having to make a few months ago. Its good to bounce your thoughts off other people and get some different angles on how to move forward.

You are not in his shadow any more and you have a choice with your surname. Take your time to think through what you would prefer in the longer term. You don't need to carry his ego with you for ever.

Yes and what about when you realise that the song he went on about that he'd heard is actually a song he heard about through OW?

AND - you went and bought him the fecking CD because you wanted to do something to show you loved him? Feck, feck, feck!!!!

I do think about my ehhmm - 'needs'. I'm not averse to getting them met, either (right time, place, person....)

Thank you Coconuts, i'll continue droning on then. .

I've said it before and i'll say it again. MNetters are the best .

I can recommend a good dose of Alanis Morriset (which about dates my break up)

I used to shout along to and then calm down to the lighthouse family

Coconuts, I have* that album.

Tomorrow will be a poptastic day in the Wisedup household.

Im the same as pooka's mum.

I married at 19; separated at 36; divorced x years later.

I had four children with their fathers surname so I didnt see any sense in changing mine back and confuse everyone including the postman.

What is in a name anyway? It wasnt a case of preferring my married name - both my married name and my maiden name are unpronouncable .. so I just live with it. So long as I didnt have to tolerate the man with the surname that was all that counted.

LOL Anothermum.

No, I think I can tolerate my married name and it would just create more upset for my DD if I were to suddenly change, and loads of hassle for me with banks, bills etc.

Like you though, the man who comes with it - well that's a different matter .

Even better - when he buys you a CD for your birthday and you later find out it's 'the song' they have sex to

...but they probably only needed the one track - evil cackle... ....

at chipping!!!

Also at Chipping.

And the 'special' ring tone on the mobile - what a bunch of emotionally crippled tossers they are .

Divorce papers have been served. My copy came today.

Meanwhile have discovered the MASSIVE amount STBXH owes in credit card debt and a HUGE loan just taken out (I think this is aka as 'disposing of the assets' in legal parlance)

.

Well if you needed any more proof that ditching him is the right move, he's just supplied it.

OMG - how does disposing of assets equate with taking out a loan/credit card debt? Does that mean that he is making himself look poor?

And what about the money for the academy? jeeez!

Looks like your solicitor was breaking you in gently when he spoke about this stuff. Its horrendous for you, but it makes it even more of a good decision to serve the papers.

I know someone who's Ex had over £100K of debt - business and personal. It was like mountain to climb to even begin to think about it.

I guess one of the hardest things in coming to terms with the fact that this is someone who you shared your life with for many years. Its as though you never knew him

Be kind to yourself at the moment. The day to day stuff can wait.

Well on reflection, I am surprisingly unsurprised.

It's just more of the same. Actually I feel a bit sorry for him, not in a sentimental way, just "oh my god what a mess, you silly man".

If I'm honest, had I been in contact with him he may have told me about this, so it's one of the consequences of the state of our relationship now.

I'm philosophical. No point in worrying now. The day to day stuff is more important as you point out Alldownhill.

Academy? I don't think so.

Chilled bottle of wine awaits......(and more rousing music)

I have been filling walls this afternoon to the StatusQuo album that was in last weekends paper - talk about a trek back in time!

He really is a pain in the arse isn't he. Does it matter what the date was when he took out the loan? Wanker.

Have you told DD? Have you told her to ask him how he intends to pay for the academy and all the other things he promised her when he couldn't stay out of debt when he was with you??? I hope you make HIM tell her why she can't go. Wanker.

Nora Jones - Come away with me 3:18

Must have included foreplay (arf arf), cigarette after and getting dressed as well.

[bugrin]

He is such a complete loser!!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Glad to be of service. I have a string of Ex's, I could keep you amused for quite some time :)

OK I think if the shit's going to hit the fan again it will be in the next couple of weeks.
Hence I am not returning to work until then. GP and manager both cool with that.

Am hoisting up chin, can't be bothered with tits (have had one or two glasses now so inhibitions slightly lowered).

Everything will be alright won't it. I mean, I'll come out of this with my dignity intact and at some point i'll be able to square up to him and look him straight in the eye and there'll be nothing.

Why aren't you going to work? Is he at work? Don't you think it makes you look (struggles with how to say this kindly - probably fails) weak? Like you have done something wrong? I'd be in there staring him down!!

Don't worry about the tits - there's only us girls here

Of course it will be alright :) It will be much, much, much better than alright - it will be fabulous, marvellous, wonderful, incredible... a whole new, amazing life - one you will wish you had had sooner!! x