Divorce papers served - have I done the right thing?

[Wisedupwoman]

Had to name change again to be on safe side.
Been posting on other thread - hope followers recognise this.

H gone five weeks ago after second affair in 4 years was discovered by me but not before he gave many, many clues and slip-shod attempts to keep it 'secret' from me. H wanted out and would have known my reaction to finding out hence i think he took this way to force my hand. Heartbroken as long, long relationship with both adult and teenage DC's involved.

Today the divorce papers went to court to be served. The therapist I'm seeing commented that this has been quite quick. This has set up train of thought which goes 'was this my fault, am I assuming too much here about what H really wants, is he such a monster........'

Need ongoing support about this please......

He took your wedding ring?

What a twunt! Did he think you would beg him to come back and put it on your finger away. That backfired.

away again

must be time for bed!

I took the ring off the day he went. He said that I didn't have to do that. Later, I went to find it, couldn't and he then sent a message via DS to say he would keep it safe for me.

SAFE?

For ME?

He really is one screwed up puppy... or someone who is trying to make you one screwed up pup!

I hope the weather is as nice where you are as it is here today :)

It's lovely, me and DD going to look for prom dress.

Lovely - a bit of shopping, coffee in the sun! I hope you find a dress she loves that doesn't crack the credit card

found you

take care x

you did the right thing

nobody could keep up the constant attention and adoration that such a self-obsessed individual requires

let him find his supply somewhere else (hang on...he already did, repeatedly)

have a lovely day with DD

The ring thing is plain weird. I can't get my head round that.

Enjoy your search for a prom dress. I've been through that once, but for my eldest DS - and most of that was looking for acccessories for his kilt!

I'm secretly looking forward to looking for a dress when its my DD's turn. Not that I will have much say at the end of the day!

he wants to flog it rather than let you chuck it into a river somewhere....

Morning all.

Bit of a minefield shopping with DD.

She likes: everything I don't

I like: everything she doesn't

par for the course.

I think he didn't want it chucked away as well - he's just a sentimental guy (boak). As for selling it, well, good luck to him, it's probably worth about a fiver.
Eggy, hi.
Right. Plastic all shiny and ready..........

Have a good day with DD - just remember, she's the one who has to wear it and it's not worth spoiling the day with her over a dress :)

good luck just remember to pick out for her anything you can't stand...

Do you have your financial settlement agreed? I have delayed divorcing XDP until the finances are sorted, and 5 years on am still waiting for the pension split. (Spent 4 of those waiting for XDP to come to terms with the idea of divorce). I don't want the divorce finalised until all the financials are completely in place.

I've been folowing your story. Congratulations on your growing confidence: I love the new name :)

Don't doubt yourself: it's not up to you to second guess what your STBXH wants. It's your choice to decide what is best for you . Look at how far your relationship with your dd has come - and how she has grown in maturity too.

Hello

Prom dress - whatever she wants as long as it's not backless, frontless, split up the side etc etc! she's so tiny.......

no settlement yet. H made lots of 'proposals' re everything but sol will go through them with fine toothed comb only after the statements of financial affairs have been collected. Could take some time and like you, Oldenough I will not be divorced until.

Thanks Prettybird - seems fitting and better late than........

it took you 4 years to come to the conclusion that your marriage was finished, how quick the legal system works is irrelevant IMO, i took 5 years of fighting to save my marriage b4 i admitted defeat and realised there was nothing else i could do, however once i saw a solicitor and got the ball rolling, papers were served and my decree absolute will be through soon, all in all it took 5 months, and yes everyone keeps saying "oh that's fast", yes it is, but it took 5 years of heartbreak to get there, so don't worry too much about how fast the paperwork side of things take!

I've been following your story from the beginning. I'm completely in awe of your strength and resilience. In answer to the question you kicked this thread off with - yes, you've done the right thing.

Have fun shopping wit DD.

Many dresses later.........

We are empty handed but had a lovely time.

5 months, medical. I can do that. In fact one of the things i've learned from this is i don't have to rush to any decisions until i am ready. i am the wiser woman because i know now what a mistake it was to rush headlong back into trying to make things work after the first OW.

so this time making it work for me will mean making it work for me.

I'm glad you had a good day x ... and even better, you have an excuse to go out and have another lovely day shopping :)

Yes - make it work for YOU.... not him, just you and DD.

We were in this shop and DD just tried on a dress that she liked but wanted in a different colour.
The assistant said she'd get another in the colour DD wants and will ring me. She asked my name.

you know what's coming next.

Without hesitation I said Mrs..

Then I realised what I'd said. what a downer . But to be expected. Another first.

I've toyed with the idea of changing but no more than that. I don't mind my married name in principle.

But we both work for the same organisation in separate areas and he is very well known - of course.

it was just the clash of the familiar with the newness and then the memories of other times when we'd have done the same trip together.

Tell me if i'm droning won't you?
I visited a funny break-up recovery website the other day based on the 12-step programme. It said something about when you've begun to bore yourself with all your droning it's time to move on!

You are droning but drone away!!!

I remember that feeling well too. My break up absorbed all my waking thinking..even when I was doing over stuff, its was what framed my day (its a great feeling when you realise that has stopped)

RL friends listen and are great but I always had that nagging worry I would dirve them off with my boring droning!

However, you know we're here by choice, just for your thread

so, drone on baby!