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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

online affair. this is likely to be long.

113 replies

doijustgiveup · 15/04/2011 20:18

Namechanged but been here for a long time.

Found out recently that H has been having a online affair.

He met a girl on a game chatroom, they had talked amongst alot of people for a long time at least a few years.

But from at least Christmas time it became a text affair, 30/40 texts a day!

I caught him out and he walked out.

I emailed her and she said he had told her he had been unhappy for a long time, which was total news to me, I had no idea, he had never said or appeared unhappy with our marriage.

We have had a very stressful couple of years, H left the forces, which was a big upheaval, we had some extended family problems.

He wouldnt and even now cant tell me what made him unhappy, just that slowely he stopped caring.

He moved out for 10 days then came home. In that time he came and saw me fairly often, we went out and actually had quite a good time, but was still saying that he didnt know if it could work.

He says that it is nothing to do with this girl, which is bollocks. whatever the problems we had having a Emotional Affair with another woman was going to affect us.

We went to relate two nights ago, which although didnt do much, did make us talk when we got home.

I told him that I knew from fairly early in january he was texting her (the usual phone on silent in pocket, when he never did things like that)

Think he was quite shocked how much I knew to be honest.

Anyway told him if he wouldnt talk to me, he needed to talk to someone, so tonight he has gone out with his best mate, (who was as shocked as I was about it all)

He has today been fairly talkative in a small talk sort of way, and seems happier, but when do I know he is.
I have suspisions he might be back in contact with her, but no proof.

anyway, I am sat here now, knowing how much I love him, but thinking, that maybe I should just walk away.

OP posts:
Original poster
doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 18:23

yeah feel i need to be, too many people around trying to help nobody can help, just need to get it out, cant do that with people around, always seen as the strong one.

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 18:29

ok, I know what you mean x

Original poster
doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 19:10

I just cant see anyway through this at the moment

OP posts:
Saffysmum · 18/04/2011 19:13

It is really early days. Keep posting on here. I am thinking of you, the worse is over now, he's gone. Just take it a few minutes at a time, you can and you will get through this, you're much stronger than you think. X

Original poster
doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 19:23

That is what everybody tells me, always the strong on, but I am sick of being strong, everytime anything happens I get you are strong, I dont want to be anymore

OP posts:
Saffysmum · 18/04/2011 19:36

Of course you don't. Sorry if I said the wrong thing. X

Original poster
doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 19:38

No just heard it a lot recently .x

OP posts:
Saffysmum · 18/04/2011 19:43

Yes I know, I want say anymore, just take care X

Original poster
doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 19:46

I know I will get through this, but at the moment I just want to curl up in a ball and hide away forever.

OP posts:
missnevermind · 18/04/2011 19:56

Doijustgiveup 12 months ago almost to the day, It was my birthday yesterday so easy to remember, I wrote the post you started with.

I couldnt believe it was happening to me. Our details are exactly the same, they met online playing a game, turned to sex talk and texting constantly. Like you I knew it had never been physical as she lived on another continent.
WWIFN spoke to me sternly (grin) and really helped me through it. As did Anyfucker - whoever she is now. I made (D)H leave to give us both thinking time and this is when we were both able to see more clearly. So don't be too hasty with anything permanent yet.

I will log back in later when the kids are in bed and I have some privacy to talk.

Original poster
doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 20:35

MissNM would really love to talk to you, just to make some sense of this.

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 21:52

missnevermind, hello Smile

missnevermind · 18/04/2011 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missnevermind · 18/04/2011 23:41

Hello EggyFucker
I read your posts and did not even see your name, I suppose I was getting too involved with the OP

EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 23:47

I am sorry you have been upset this evening, MNM, but glad things worked out for you

missnevermind · 18/04/2011 23:59

Thank you "Eggy"
I started to re read my thread to see how it might be of help to the OP and just sort of got drawn back in.
I also remembered that I walked away from it, but couldnt remember at what point. So it has been a year as I never went over it again afterwards.

EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 00:06

have just read your thread again, miss

wow what a rollercoaster !

let's hope the Op of this one comes back, it certainly sounds like you would be a person to give her sound advice

if only about what not to do, maybe Sad

missnevermind · 19/04/2011 00:19

I dont know about giving anybody advice!
I am willing to admit to not being firm enough at the beginning.

EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 00:23

being firm is brilliant advice

OP hasn't been back for a while, hope she's ok

will check in again in the morning

miss, you should update your thread...tell everyone how you both managed to work it out, it could give hope to people who really want to work on staying together (and also in highlighting the script that so many unfaithful men seem to follow)

missnevermind · 19/04/2011 00:31

I did wonder about updating it when I re read it. I will have to name change back for that.

And I really do miss my old name Grin we were together for years.

Lots of the old posts have been being dragged up again at the moment and so didn't want to be seen to be doing that too as their have been lots of complaints / moaning.

Yes I hope the OP is not alone and is getting some sleep.

EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 00:32

am glad to "see" you anyway, miss

good night x

Original poster
doijustgiveup · 19/04/2011 05:27

I slept more than I thought, was just so exhausted.

I havn't done anything yet but ask him to go, not really up to making any other decisions.

I know I must not contact him, like you Miss I am far to soft with him, I always have been, always been the one to sort anything out.

i know that the only one that can sort him out is him.

i know all these things, but still it breaks my heart.

OP posts:
Original poster
doijustgiveup · 19/04/2011 07:08

Made a decision not to contact him at all at the moment, I have no real need to now I know he will pay his half of the mortgage.

Think it might be easier this way.

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 07:29

morning, DIJGU

good decision, don't contact for a while

it will only mess with your head and it is far too soon for you to be thinking clearly about what you want

give yourself some breathing space

if he contacts you tell him to have the decency to leave you alone to think about what your next step is going to be

can you get some sunshine today ?

Original poster
doijustgiveup · 19/04/2011 07:34

Yes going to take the kids out to the forest I think.

Ds's 33 birthday today, so going to go to them this evening.

OP posts: