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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

online affair. this is likely to be long.

113 replies

doijustgiveup · 15/04/2011 20:18

Namechanged but been here for a long time.

Found out recently that H has been having a online affair.

He met a girl on a game chatroom, they had talked amongst alot of people for a long time at least a few years.

But from at least Christmas time it became a text affair, 30/40 texts a day!

I caught him out and he walked out.

I emailed her and she said he had told her he had been unhappy for a long time, which was total news to me, I had no idea, he had never said or appeared unhappy with our marriage.

We have had a very stressful couple of years, H left the forces, which was a big upheaval, we had some extended family problems.

He wouldnt and even now cant tell me what made him unhappy, just that slowely he stopped caring.

He moved out for 10 days then came home. In that time he came and saw me fairly often, we went out and actually had quite a good time, but was still saying that he didnt know if it could work.

He says that it is nothing to do with this girl, which is bollocks. whatever the problems we had having a Emotional Affair with another woman was going to affect us.

We went to relate two nights ago, which although didnt do much, did make us talk when we got home.

I told him that I knew from fairly early in january he was texting her (the usual phone on silent in pocket, when he never did things like that)

Think he was quite shocked how much I knew to be honest.

Anyway told him if he wouldnt talk to me, he needed to talk to someone, so tonight he has gone out with his best mate, (who was as shocked as I was about it all)

He has today been fairly talkative in a small talk sort of way, and seems happier, but when do I know he is.
I have suspisions he might be back in contact with her, but no proof.

anyway, I am sat here now, knowing how much I love him, but thinking, that maybe I should just walk away.

OP posts:
doijustgiveup · 17/04/2011 22:29

just trying to get my head in some state to work tomorrow

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 17/04/2011 22:40

if he promoised to cut contact and work on your relationship, and you have just discovered he told complete lies, then yes you have done the right thing in calling time

he cannot do his part in mending your trust in him when he is acting in such a deceitful manner

well done you on drawing such a firm boundary at this stage

you really did not have any other choice, tbh

EggyFucker · 17/04/2011 22:41

you shouldn't be working tomorrow, btw

call in sick

doijustgiveup · 17/04/2011 22:50

cant am a CM already had two weeks off

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 17/04/2011 22:56

ah, not so sorry easy then

I call a DVD-watching day Smile

or a park day (bearing in mind the weather is going o be ok) while you just look after yourself x

EggyFucker · 17/04/2011 22:56

not so easy then, sorry

messed up the first sentence there

doijustgiveup · 17/04/2011 23:06

yes families know what is going on and dont expect to much bless them

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 09:12

how are you today?

doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 10:40

Not to good, but coping, have to, to be honest.

OP posts:
doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 10:41

Took my rings off today, didnt feel right having them on.

OP posts:
NotTheMessiahJustMouseface · 18/04/2011 12:42

Hello doijust

I'm sorry to see that you are going through this. Are you planning to keep him away for good, or do you just need some thinking time?

I think WWIFN has it spot on wrt to him being so non plaused by your reaction. I guess this will show him that you are serious about not taking any more shit from him?

Have you had any contact from him? Calls? Texts asking you to take him back?

EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 13:27

Look after yourself

Are your charges giving you a bit of thinking time ?

doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 15:43

No dont think he will be back, have had a couple of texts, just seems to be relieved the descion has been taken out of his hands.

He will have to come see me at some stage as practical things have to be sorted and most of his stuff is here.

OP posts:
doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 15:44

yes, another CM has come in to give me a hand, bless her she should be on holiday.

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 15:48

awww, how nice of her (but no more than you deserve)

doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 15:50

just waiting for last kids to go, really need them to now, just want to break down.

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 15:52

come back later if you need to offload

have you got a close friend in RL you could ring to come round and hand-hold ?

doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 16:02

Freinds taking it in turn, and my fantastic DIL has been staying over alot

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 16:06

glad to hear it

doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 16:37

Kids finally gone, just want to break apart now, but cant even really cry.

OP posts:
NotTheMessiahJustMouseface · 18/04/2011 17:42
Sad

So sorry you feel this way.

EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 17:59

have a glass of vino and let it all out

doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 18:08

I tried that, but as i dont normally drink, just made me sick

OP posts:
doijustgiveup · 18/04/2011 18:08

I was the last person who thought would end up on these threads.

OP posts:
EggyFucker · 18/04/2011 18:09

aww

I hope you aren't on your own this evening