Are you all really having a lot of sex?

[pinkymum]

I am in a happy marriage (!) I think of 21 years. I have two DC (15, 11). DH and I have not had sex for about 3 years, after dwindling rapidly after the kids came along, due mostly to lots of stitching (looked like a patchwork quilt) and noisy second DC who woke all night every night! We love and care for each other. I work part time and run a tight ship, he works rather too much blue collar stuff, gets worried about the mortgage, etc, we are rather normal. However, I cannot believe I am the only wifey who truthfully would rather have good cuppa and a bar of choc than sex. Please tell me the truth????

Yes, but are you happy to have it instead of sex? Permanently?

I'd rather have sex :(

Are you sure your DH feels the same way?

Are you sure you were doing it right in the first place

Cant imagine many men would put up with no sex for 3 years.

I don't know - he doesn't ever mention it. Last few times it was less emotional and rather funny and silly, because we were both knackered and it turned into a silly game, rather than "important" sex.

Ah well, that is a bit rude cybbo -perhaps this group is not for me. I am 48, he is 53, we have been together 26 years with two kids, and until a few years ago were at it like rabbits. So, yes, we do know what to do.

Do you not feel as though something is missing in your relationship pinky?

No it wasnt meant to be a rude comment- sorry- just wondered if you both found it 'okay' or if something wasnt right in that dept (technique wise)

I would have to have a serious chat to make sure we were on the same page. 3 years is a he'll of a long time to go without sex in a marriage.

ebbanflow, I want to know if I am the only one, because I do feel a bit uneasy, but I have two great friends who are not indulging either (aged 55 and 58) so I don't know if it is "normal" or not.

Yes cybbo, it was earth-moving, not just "okay" for many years!

He'll = hell, stupid autocorrect

Sarah, do you mind if I ask your circumstances and age?

Age has nothing to do with it really. I have a very dear friend of 53 who's wife isn't interested any more. He is v unhappy about it.

I'm 43 and divorced with a huuuuge trust isshoo. I miss sex like mad.

I am glad you mentioned your age, I am 37 and have found my sex drive has recently increased. I wonder whether there are certain ages where you start to just go off it?

I've definitely not gone off it

Well, Sarah, why isn't she interested? You say you are divorced, so have you got kids? They absolutely knacker you, even the good ones!

ebb, I am menopausal as well - periods all over the place, etc.

Sarah, how often do you have it?

God, I am trying to keep DC away from the computer, I will have to come back later, please keep in touch!!!! I need to talk about this!

Dear Cat has just been sick in DS (15) bedroom so there you go...... bit of a turn off, family life, eh?

2DCs of similar ages to yours. He has DSCs about the same age too, I've no idea why, it's not the sort of thing I would ask. Tbh I don't really want to know about his sex life but I guess we all need somewhere to vent. I was only knackered with the DCs when they were preschool no preteen/teens.

Sarah - I could be your friend's wife - I really have no interest but DH does - it is a huge strain on our marriage. I would happily be celibate for the rest of my life but obviously that won't work if I want to stay married.

JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont believe that two kids of the ages you have can be the reason you have not had sex for 3 years. You need to address this with your dh and see if he is as ambivalous as you or somewhere down the line you may find he has been secretly harbouring resentment or disappointment

blimey ive been married for 30 years and my OH thinks he is hard done by if two weeks go by without indulging