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Original poster

Are you all really having a lot of sex?

172 replies

pinkymum · 11/04/2011 09:05

I am in a happy marriage (!) I think of 21 years. I have two DC (15, 11). DH and I have not had sex for about 3 years, after dwindling rapidly after the kids came along, due mostly to lots of stitching (looked like a patchwork quilt) and noisy second DC who woke all night every night! We love and care for each other. I work part time and run a tight ship, he works rather too much blue collar stuff, gets worried about the mortgage, etc, we are rather normal. However, I cannot believe I am the only wifey who truthfully would rather have good cuppa and a bar of choc than sex. Please tell me the truth????

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkymum · 11/04/2011 11:46

I would die of grief without my hubby (how romantic) and judging by last Valentines day, so would he. So, Bloo, I get what you are saying.

OP posts:
BlooferLady · 11/04/2011 11:47

Rug you're sort of me, really....

OP I'm trying to raise the odd smile because there's a strange tension in the air on this thread and I don't really understand why Confused

Original poster
pinkymum · 11/04/2011 11:47

Thanks Ruggettee, there is a bit of an assumption that he is unhappy - which i don't really think is the case.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkymum · 11/04/2011 11:48

Bloo, it is the same reason I didn't raise this at the school gates - people have very strong opinions about it.

OP posts:
BlooferLady · 11/04/2011 11:51

But people seem to think that their own marriages are being maligned or threatened, or that they need to impose their way of things on others. Is most odd. Is hard enough subject to talk about anyway!

Incidentally it was I who raised that whole thing about passionate sex and rows, and I was only really thinking aloud, and basing it on particular couples I knew - not casting nasturtiums hither and yon!

Malificence · 11/04/2011 11:53

There is a strange vibe on this thread, not helped by the fact that the OP writes like a 60 year old man - "wifey" indeed. Hmm

Original poster
pinkymum · 11/04/2011 11:53

But it's also because everything you read and see on TV tells you that everyone is at it like rabbits, but I don't really think that is the case - it seems not having started this thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkymum · 11/04/2011 11:54

Wifey is my DH's nickname for me - what's wrong with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkymum · 11/04/2011 11:55

Yes Bloo, I was following on from you. And to be honest I only really wanted to hear from the people NOT having a lot of sex! Not having to suddenly defend myself about my own situ.

OP posts:
MooMooFarm · 11/04/2011 11:56

I think the 'tension' you mention (ooh I'm a poet Grin) is partly because although pinky says she is happy, she has implied that other posters are not being honest when they say they do have regular sex. Then in response to the other posters saying that yes they are being honest, and they do have lots of sex, she then implied that they must also argue a lot.

So pinky seems to want to make herself feel more happy in her position by making having regular sex sound like a negative thing, IMO. I don't understand why she needs to do that - genuinely.

LeQueen · 11/04/2011 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BobbiDazzler · 11/04/2011 11:57

I say this not not out of malice or insecurity or some sort of projection of my own situation on to others. I say it because I believe it to be the absolute truth:

In a sexless relationship, there is almost always one person in the couple who actually isn't that happy and who, given the chance of more sex, would take it.

MooMooFarm · 11/04/2011 11:59

pinky if you only wanted to hear from people who don't have sex, why did you call your thread 'are you all really having lots of sex?' Hmm

Malificence · 11/04/2011 12:06

I agree absolutely BobbiD and MooMoo.

So Pinky, do you not know (or not care) about your H's masturbatory habits then? As I said, if he's satisfying his own urges, you can be pretty certain that he would actually want sex . The problem is that you don't really know how he feels about a sexless relationship, you seem to just assume, because he doesn't make a fuss, that he is content with the way things are.

noddyholder · 11/04/2011 12:08

Have you talked about it?

JessicaDrew · 11/04/2011 12:09

Pinky
when you go to bed at 10 stay up reading a sexy novel
then when you hear DH coming up quickly switch off lights and pretend your asleep
when he gets in, let your hands go awandering!!!!
he may respond
unless of course he has been sat wanking downstairs as Mal suggests!!!!!

cabbageroses · 11/04/2011 12:13

I have a close friend who has not had sex withehr DH for 10 years- they have been on the verge of divorce but even now things are better they sleep separately and have no sexual contact at all. she is happy with this, don't think he is but he puts up with it.

Malificence · 11/04/2011 12:13

It's just that "man sits downstairs wanking to porn thinking it's pointless going to bed at the same time as his wife because she won't be interested in having sex" is a very common cliche, unfortunately and because he's a decent sort of bloke who doesn't say anything, wifey thinks everything in the garden is rosy when actually, there is a huge elephant in the room.

noddyholder · 11/04/2011 12:17

It is amazing for your health as you get older if you are looking for a reason to get back into it! Go on it will be great and your dh will be smiling from ear to ear and your blood pressure will be lower to boot Grin

julienoshoes · 11/04/2011 12:19

It's down to individuals isn't it?
I'm 52 now and loving sex more than ever. From what I'm told by my friends, we have a LOT of sex. My desire did diminsh when the children were small, I worked night duty and I was exhausted, but by the time they had reached the ages yours are at, my interest and inclination had definately returned.
I know this is not the same for other couples, who have been together as long as we have, and many of my friends look at me as though I am mad.
And I know I am a lucky woman to have a dh, who I still am in love with, who has a matching desire.

It's up to you and your dh. If you are both content then enough said, I think.

nolifeitwouldseem · 11/04/2011 12:22

testing

JessicaDrew · 11/04/2011 12:24

cabbage
i have a vision of the man in one bedroom with laptop on bed, pumping himself furiously, while through the wall his wife is lieing on her bed with a selection of vibrators pleasuring herself.
like Mal said what goes unsaid can be wrong

Original poster
pinkymum · 11/04/2011 12:26

Okay, this has got out of hand. I was only ever curious to see if anyone else did not have sex. I did not ask for "how to get back into it" I know how to have sex, and I would do so if I wished. I am a bit upset at all the assumptions made as to what my DH gets up to, and frankly it is offensive. Why shouldn't I call myself Wifey if DH does with affection? I am now going to work, and suggest this thread is closed.

OP posts:
Malificence · 11/04/2011 12:29

I haven't assumed anything - I asked you a direct and very relevant question, you've chosen to ignore it, twice.

Very touchy for someone seemingly so content.

MooMooFarm · 11/04/2011 12:30

emoticon] Shock