Are you all really having a lot of sex?

[pinkymum]

I am in a happy marriage (!) I think of 21 years. I have two DC (15, 11). DH and I have not had sex for about 3 years, after dwindling rapidly after the kids came along, due mostly to lots of stitching (looked like a patchwork quilt) and noisy second DC who woke all night every night! We love and care for each other. I work part time and run a tight ship, he works rather too much blue collar stuff, gets worried about the mortgage, etc, we are rather normal. However, I cannot believe I am the only wifey who truthfully would rather have good cuppa and a bar of choc than sex. Please tell me the truth????

Oh my emoticon didn't work - hate it when that happens!

First you blamed your dcs, then you talked about 'truthfull poster' (as if the rest of the posters are not truthfull), then you said 'we got it right', and then you responded to LQ's post with your theory about rows. Oh and you asked Sarah if she perhaps would like family security (projection?).

Tbh sex is important to me no matter how tired i am (sex actually gives you energy). Plus better skin and hair , for free . Most importantly it gives you intimacy. I might live without sex and i know we'll get old one day. But i still would like to go to bed together and feel his skin next to mine , have a hug, him stroking my hair, give each other goodnight kiss.... No amount of talk and 'companionship' can replace this.

If i wanted companionship and shared bills i could get a flatmate

Does your relationship with dh feel more Luke old friends or brother and sister now?

Think OP has gone - she seemed a bit 'frustrated' by the whole discussion

When it comes down to basics having sex is just about the only thing that you do exclusively with your partner ... Anything else can be done in a friendship or other relationship

I think she took umbrage at my "wifey" comment.
If DH called me wifey without a hint of irony or sarcasm, I think I would have to kill him. Could it be any more patronising?

What if you were physically unable to have sex?
I was - at least, unable to have pain-free sex - for a long time.

Were you traumatized?
Yes, very much so. It was such a huge loss. I didn't know if I was ever going to get over it. It coloured my whole life for years.

Luckily, all my physical problems are solved now, and we're back in the saddle (so to speak ) and have been for ages. We have been together for 14 years, but it is still a massive part of both of our lives. I believe you that it isn't for you, but it certainly is for me.

We have sex at least once a week.

I don't think it's very rare that a couple haven't had sex for 3 years. I do think it's rare that both partners are equally content with the situation, unless they've come to some arrangement with regards to sex outside of the marriage.

I just don't understand what OP wanted..? If she and her dh are happy with their situation why did she feel the need to post asking for backup?

Hmm I had my suspicions that OP wasn't all she was saying she was - but now she's huffed off I'm more convinced

I think - if she was genuine - she has issues about this, either guilt over her H missing out, or worries that her relationships may be heading for problems.

All she wanted to hear was anything that would tell her 'yes it's fine to never have sex again, and your H won't mind at all'. Anything to the contrary just touched a nerve, IMO.

But Begian - she did later say she only really wanted to hear from people having no sex and didn't want advice on how to change things... Therefore if all content and not wanting to change why post?

Fair enough, belgianbun but why did she need to attack those that posted to say they do have sex? There's usually a reason behind such defensiveness.

MooMoo
you think she is one of those crossdresser's that seem attracted to this site
a man trying to understand his wife[y]'s lack of sex drive

I'll have a cup thanks

I'm having trouble believing this was genuine.

She jumped on Sarahstratton quite quickly with some probing, intrusive questions early on and seemed to have trouble when the thread took a turn that wasn't anticipated.

If the OP and her H are as happy enough as she says with their situation why the need for an opinon poll and why the defensiveness?

Doesn't add up.

Righto.... x posted with just about everybody.

Ooh I wasn't thinking of anything that interesting Jessica . Do cross-dressers cross-dress to come on MN then?