Dumpling no more? Only the strong survive and we did no. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support

Oh God, just tried to hook my washing line end onto hook on shed and loads of concrete and pebble dash fell off onto my forehead. Got quite a big egg and a gash. Nearly knocked me out.

Oh no take care of yourself and get a neighbour or friend to have a look at it (())

Mmm get thee to hospital Googs!

haven't been to hospital - I didn't have blurred vision and although I had to have a little sleep this afternoon (whilst boys bounced) I think that was more to do with the exertions of yesterday, which at some point I will outline to you all
still got big lump. it really knocked me for six.
lovely weather here. my boys had been on the beach with their dad (he lives in the most beautiful seaside village 5 mins from here) until 9pm, which I didn't mind at all because they had a great time wading up the estuary with him and splashing / looking for crabs etc but they were absoluately knackered today (as was I) and it was acutally too HOT to go out for much time, so we all just pootled. Can't believe this neck of the woods could ever get too hot - it's usually arctic conditions even in July!
beautiful summer evening here. I'm feeling serene and in control. It's great. Won't last obviously. Got to be in Newcastle (an hour away) for another bloody football tournament for 9AM...9AM tomorrow morning and it doesn't finish until 4pm. Longer than a bloody school day and I'll have the 4 year old in tow and just me dealing with him. So I emailed football coach and said very politely but firmly, I'm sorry, we will get there by 9.30 and we will be leaving at 1.30pm, as this is too long a day for a 4 year old to stand on the side of a football pitch :)
Hope all dumplings are well and have enjoyed the weather. Those of you who are having wobbles for various reasons: stay strong, you are in the right, you can be assertive and polite and I feel for you. Us single mums have a lot of hidden emotional shit to deal with every day, which the married contingent know sod all about. But it makes us strong, emotionally intelligent and ultimately wise. We are wonderful souls x

Sounded like you might need stitches. But I'm glad you're ok x

Had a right laff tonite talking to 2 young lads ,took kids out late cause it was a cracking nite we all just kicked about playing football and philosophising ,official Taps Aff weather here too and lots of people will be red 2morrow.

Hello. Knackered. Been to a bloody football tournament and it was FREEZING. Now have central heating on. Wha happened to the weather?!!! Head still sore today but I'll survive. Had Macdonalds after matches as a treat, at about 3pm. So don't need to make tea, except they'll probably be hungry at about 7pm. Might let the boys watch a bit of BGT tonight - good family fun eh?
Hope you all survived today. Been thinking about people who have difficult access arrangements x

noone here tonight. writing reports. boring. thinking about work. getting back on the fast moving rollercoaster. dreading it.

Thanks Patience. I will try to focus on myself for a change but I didn't even know what to say when the counselor asked me what I enjoyed doing and what my hobbies were. Well, maybe a good book or a film (way to escape reality really), chocs of course, and music. And outdoors in general. I just haven't really had a chance to do much of anything for so long. I really need to use all my alternative childcare options whenever DC are ill so don't have much leisure time.

DC2 came down with CP now and this time is a lot worse. I shouldn't have complained when DC1 had it as poor DC2 cannot even close his eyes for the blisters. Should I get worried?

Ex was here yesterday and it was just weird. He is now telling me that we should get divorced because we haven't had sex for so long and he cannot live without. I should feel relieved but to be honest it still hurt. But still somewhere I wish that we could be a family again and all would be well. It's not going to happen. Is it?

Oh America - so sorry you're going through shit times. I don't know your ex, or your situation, but my instincts would say no, it isn't going to happen. When things are broken, they rarely get fixed. My exh left, then came back but it just wasn't the same and so he finally left for good. He also complained about lack of sex but the one relate session we managed to go to together, the woman told him that sex is the first thing to go when things are wrong - it's rarely about sex, it's about deeper problems.
It's been 3 years now since my divorce and at first, in fact for a long, long time, I wished we were a family again and that everything could just be right. But then I realised that even when we were a family, things were nevr right, in fact once I gained some distance on the situation, I realised that things had been bloody horrendous. You must brace yourself for a long period of mourning. I would cry in the strangest places and at the strangest times/things. I'm only just now, after 2 other disastrous relationships, enjoying my own comapny and beginning to enjoy my life. And I'm SO glad me and exh split up. Even in my lowest times, when I feel overwrought and on my own and struggling to spin all the plates at once, I feel better than I did when I was with him. All the toxins have gone.
Your poor DC. I'm sure he/she will be ok but perhaps a trip to the docs if the CP are that bad wouldn't hurt? Just to reassure you.
Sending you lots of love xxxx
BTW - Patience used to tell me to pamper, pamper. I had never done that for myself before - always for a man. But I started to follow her advice and now every fortnight I paint my nails, put on a cheap facepack and shave the old (very old) legs. Just for myself, as on the weekends I don't have my boys I can quite easily go 48 hours without seeing a soul. And it's fab. And I mooch around the garden, set myself little garden projects, read a magazine or watch a telly programme. Little things can make you happy, you just have to flex the happiness muscle - it will still be there, hidden under all the heartache you are having to deal with. And once you start using it again, you start to feel more content and settled.
Kee posting - we are here x

and America - are you on facebook? We have a little secret group on there. If you want to join, PM me x

Hugs to America xxxxxxx

As always I dip in and out of this thread and enjoy reading your catch-ups.

Googoo love the last post to America, I wish I was in that place of enjoying my own company at the weekends. I've just split with new man after almost a year, he couldn't see a future where as I could, I'm devastated yet again. My DC live away at Uni so apart from work during the week I will see no one at weekends, it can be a very lonely place.

The secret FB group sounds fun, can I join?

Thanks (crying but at home with a sick child so it doesn't matter). I really appreciate your advice. Basically ex was always spending more than he earned, I always ended up bailing him out while also paying all the bills etc. In the end I realized that he had maxed my CCs, the car that I stupidly agreed to buy on his name was taken by debt collectors, he had an affair for 6months and then just left me and DC when I was made redundant. I had a pretty rough year but have now moved to a new city, have a job and a certain level of control over my life. He hasn't contributed anything towards us since he left although he calls DC every day. I am not sure what was worse, all those lies, his selfishness or the fact that I grew so used to always doubting everything and sort of lost myself in the process.
I took DC out just now for a walk (DC2 had a nap in the pushchair) and it was lovely. I am sure things will get better but I am in a pretty bad place right now.

Keep posting America,u have had a tough time but I believe change happens for a reason and u have a truer happier life ahead x

I can't effing believe this. Had a call today from HIM to say I need to get tested for STI's. I was only tested before christmas when I had my last depo injection (now have nexplanon) so that means he cheated sometime in the last 4 months too as well as the other shit. Gutted.

Big hugs lb,just an arse of a man and ur well rid.I just got tested too sweetie cos I didn't believe a word my X said and he never liked condoms x

So sorry LB - thats horrible but sometimes when they are so awful it helps you to move on (())

Im sorry about the weekends where folk dont have company. Ive been pretty lucky and usually been able to meet up with folk to do some stuff. Come onto the FB group and discuss it there. We could do a mid England meetup - or Ive got other ideas what Ive done - might help.

PT -sorry youve split with NM

America -sorry youre in a bad place - I remember it too well - glad you can see some improvements

sorry had to dash to crying child.

America re read what you have said and he sounds really awful. He was a total sponge off you and then four letter worded on you! Your life will get better and better - youve made a great start!

Hello everyone,
The sun shone here for a bit but is in hiding again boo hoo. I've got my central heating on and a blanket on my knees this eve glamour gal that i am! I hope you're all doing ok. America and Lb it sounds like you know already in your hearts that you are better off without your exs. It is still an awful wrench to feel so utterly betrayed but time and space do numb the sting. I'm reading an uplifting book 'Stillness Speaks' by Eckhart Tolle all about living in the present moment. Its v clear and makes perfect sense life is too precious putting it into practice is v helpful but it is easier said than done.
Waves to googs and patience and tea and anyone else out there.
I've got a big list of hassles and niggles to resolve but its all too boring to think about so i'll have a bubbly bath and hit the sack with a book in a bit.
:)

Hi everyone. America - keep posting, I believe what Patience said is right - all of this pain will lead to a better place. Your ex is poison and put you through the mill.
Lubey - cannot believe he's phoning you to tell you that. Beggars belief it really does. Much love to you x
Partytime - been there re NM and one year and dumping. Of course you can join fb group - everyone can! Just pm me your name etc and we'll get you on x
Maybee - same here - been freezing! Book sounds good. I'm going to read Trespass by Rose Tremaine this weekend - I'm a virtual member of a book group - luckily my dad has lent it to me. If anyone wants to read it too, we can have a discussion about it. Think we should start a little dumpling book group. Then even when we are feeling shit, we have something to get on with! What do you all think?
Hi Patience and Mumfun.
Had a bit of a day of it today. Work again, then my mate at work gets awful phone call to say her son has just had a very nasty accident with a chainsaw and has been taken to hospital in nearest city, 50 miles away. Told her she had to leave work immediately. Her MIL is also in hospital after having a stroke at start of holidays. So she left and I said I would take her 12 yo DD, who is in my class, home to mine for tea but I wouldn't tell her exactly what had happened to her brother. So had to go to Argos for little one's bday present after school, then decided we'd all go to fish nd chip shop as no food in, got home, fed em all, then my youngest, who's a screamer at best of times, got a series of splinters in his feet and screamed for over an hour, whilst refusing to let me get em out. In the meantime, my mate's DD is getting a bit teary, as she doesn't know where her mum is or what's happened to her brother. Oldest son, meanwhile, makes me erect two small football nets on grass outside my house, then gets his ball covered in dogshit. So when my mate finally arrives to collect her DD, I have a 12yo girl on verge of tears, a nearly 5 yo boy screaming and I'm wiping dogshit off a football with a fecking wetwipe! Luckily, her son is ok. The base of the chainsaw blade cut through his arm and ripped the muscle but it will be fine, he's still in hospital and will have to be off his gardener's job at posh castle for 6 weeks.

Oh googs Ffs what a day.
Waves to maybee book sounds good,would love a book group x
Did something shocking today but all part of my journey I think : if not fuck it !
I'm nearly 40 lol xxx

Patience what did you do, sounds intriguing!!

Im lurking as usual.

PT - sorry about your NM.

Googoo - what a busy day.

My exH the childrens dad, wants to take me out for dinner to discuss the past before I fall in love with someone!! His words. He actually said that if he could go back to a time in his life and not come back to the present he would choose before he left me and the DC, actually admitted he never wanted to leave but wasnt of sound mind at that time in his life. Why cant my life be simple!! I can only hope that H one day feels the same.

aarghhh! keep writing long posts and then it goes off!

ok, in case I write a long thing and it fecking deletes it, here's a quick synopsis:
P - go for it girl, as single mums we have to make our own fun, noone else going to do it for you. I don't regret anything I've done since divorce - all part of living richly, when I was married I was barely living
Book group - would love one. People who want to form one, let me know either here or on fb. Each take it in turns to nominate book.
Rom - wtf? as P says so well! Height of bloody narcdom that one. Don't go out to dinner with him, unless you really have strong feelings for him or perhaps want a bit on the side. He had his chance. Move on down the bus as we say up here!
Love to all. You ok America? Love to you girl x