Dumpling no more? Only the strong survive and we did no. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings. Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support

I'm going to go to the doctor tomorrow and call mind about counselling. I just feel like I need so much propping up, I have had times of terrible depression in my life but nothing as bad as this

Lubey, welcome to the thread. Please don't be hard on yourself & you certainly aren't a twat. You're reactions are normal it is your xp's behaviour that sounds horrible, him being cold & cruel to you ((Hugs)). If it makes you feel any better I had all this with my xh too but I went a step further than you & took him back!! Only lasted a few weeks before he went back to previous behaviour, unfaithful & violent when found out . If you feel like you can't cope atm then maybe anti depressants might be the answer, otherwise try things like lavander baths to calm you & rescue remedy etc. It does get easier so hang in there ((Hugs))

Mymy, great to see you back to the thread

Patience, so glad you are back at home . You must be so relieved!!

Well I've had to cancel my date for Sat night as I couldn't get a babysitter. We're meeting tomorrow night instead but won't be able to meet until about 9 so will only be for a drink or something. Am feeling worn out atm, just finding the days v long atm. Nearly feel too tired to go out tomorrow night. Ended up crawling back into bed for an hour this morning after school run!

Me too Starting ,really tired.House a tip and i really cant get motivated at all ,still a big pile of ironing to do .FFS u would have thought someone could have come in and done it while i was away !!!!!!
LB i was evacuated from my building because of an unsafe chimney ,Monday nite tea time the police knocked the door and told us to get out !!!
All the roads out of town were closed so i had to stay at a school friend of DS 5yo that i had met x2 b 4 ,me 2kids and a dog turned up on her doorstep !!!!Anyway home with a big crane outside my window and lots of men in hard hats and yellow jackets .
And my face has got a kind of urticaria going on FFS going to put argan oil on it.
Enjoy ur date tonight Starting !!!!!
LB its peaks and troughs and fecking mind like a washing machine on fast spin ,then nausea sometimes leading to vomit and usually ends in curled up foetal position wailing then sobbing !!!!Well that was my technique anyway ,
Bet dd has put something in my face cream and thats why my skin has gone all lumpy AAAAARGH!!!
DD 4 asked last night if we could go into outer space for our summer holidays,i said yes {never one to dissapoint!!}and ds 5 said Well im not going in a space rocket NO WAY !!!
So as a familly we are undecided.

Filing for divorce - letter going to H's solicitor today on the grounds of his adultery and asking for costs. Big step but feels right. Sorry i have been away and not contributing to the chin up thread but things have been quite hard. DD was 9 yesterday and we had a party for her and invited H and his parents have come to stay with me for 10 days. H has been a git and won't let the subject of DD sleeping over at his place drop- DD is adamant that she isnt ready - and H is adamant that this is my fault and i am coaching her into this - this is not true at all. He sent a solicitors letter to my solicitors on Tuesday saying he will take me to court and making demands for half the school holidays - and overnight weekends when he is living in a 1 bedroom annexe?

I am so unreasonable that i let him take her out at short notice for a prebirthday dinner this week - on a night when i had things planned for us to do.

There is a thin line between love and hate and i think i have crossed over it. Feeling stronger but sadder and life moves on. I have got to contact all my pension companies and disclose all the assets to try and sort out the finances so that he can't take 50% of my house that he has contributed exactly nothing to- whilst he spends his equity from his property from the tart OW.

Still im not bitter - well not that much anyway!

Hope everyone is OK and if not someone on here will help you get through - it has been a major support to me.

That's so awful, Devastated. They just churn these vicious solicitor's letters out and feel better, not knowing or caring how awful getting letters like that is for you, or what the DCs want. I had I hope my last court appearance yesterday. Now h is taking DCs to a hotel on saturday because he doesn't want to introduce them to OW (not upset at that as you can imagine). I hope the financial stuff goes ok. Don't quite understand that about his property - is that one he sold before meeting/ marrying you or was it OW's?

Hugs to dev ,glad ur back ,stand ur ground and keep the detatchment going xxxxx

Thanks for prompting me teaandcakeplease. We have had chickenpox and before that I was really poorly myself. I think that the stress I've been under for the past couple of years is finally getting too much. Or maybe I am less stressed now and my body is reacting to that, who knows. Anyhow, here I am with a glass of lovely cider sitting on my terrace. DC are asleep. Life is good.

Ups, sorry typos. I wish I could afford to pay for some extra childcare and go out from time to time. My ex still doesn't contribute anything financially and I have to pay back some benefits from last year so this year will be a lean one. It bugs me that I had to pay a nanny for a couple of weeks when DC were ill on top of the normal childcare fees. So no going out anytime soon. It must be the summer but I have found myself thinking back with some regret. We must have had good moments as a couple, why can't I remember any?

Hi all. Welcome back dev and hello america.
170 exam papers marked in one week. Now for 160 reports in one weekend. So glad exam papers are marked. Nothing worse.
Hope everyone is well x

Congratulations googs xxxxxxx

Hi Ladies. Had a lovely 2nd date with my plumber boy & am meeting him again on Sun . We seem to have hit it off well so watch this space, will be getting my pipes seen to this summer hopefully . Two really weird things, first was I had to drive as he only has a van that he uses for work BUT he insisted on paying for my petrol . Second weird thing is my stepchildren live in a really remote area off the beaten track & OMG from what I can figure out he is living pretty much beside them What are the odds of that happening!! So much for having a discrete s*

Patience, yes I find at times the tiredness of doing everything catches up with you. Xh has mentioned having the dc's overnight & while I have serious reservations I was thinking for the sake of dc's maybe I should just take a leap of faith & go ahead with it. Xh rang me today & said he could have dc's tomorrow for an overnight but they would have to go with him to a friends house as he had made arrangements to watch the match with 8-9 male friends. I couldn't believe he could be so bloody stupid to think that that would be appropriate. I feel sick at the thought of it tbh, he has no concept of what would be suitable or appropriate for dc's.

Devastated, I feel your pain , so hard trying to deal with that.

Mymy, glad you have final court case behind you.

America, don't know your back story but really sorry to hear the position you've been left in.

Goo, glad you've got through the exam papers

Waves to all absent dumplings

[Wave back from one of the absentees ]
Trying and failing to keep up with the thread. Must do better.
XP has intimated that he thinks he has done enough time in exile and is quite put out that I'm not melting at the prospct of him coming home .
The tattooed builder is a tattooed biker in his spare time and popped round the other day in his leathers which really was a sight to behold .
I'm just a month from a year since Discovery Day and can't believe how far I've come thanks to all you lovely ladies .

Waves back to Elsie ,vroom vroom x
Starting wtf re watching the match.
Face still lumpy xxxxxxx

Hi, Patience. Sorry to hear of your troubles and your lumpy face. Hope you can de-lump it soon.

Patience so glad you are back in then, that's awful.

Thank you all for the kind words. I didn't go to the doctor in the end, decided to give it a few more days and see if any healing is forthcoming and if not then I will go.

I emailed him again. I just don't care now though, this is about survival and I have to get the things tormenting me about the cruel dumping off my chest before I end up in hospital. After the cold reply last time he phoned and was much nicer and I felt better afterwards having more answers.

It's a year to the day today since I met him, and we should have been picking up my dd from her school trip in the early hours of the morning, celebrating her return as a wonderful new family. Instead I was alone and the him shaped void glared at me the whole time, even my dd picked up on it and knew I wasn't really ok despite the smiles. I can't let the day go unmarked.

I'm hoping what I've just sent is enough of a kick to make him think, think and recognise and stop denying the pain I'm in, and realise how unfair it is that he isn't grieving or feeling the loss in the same way, and face up to the situation he is leaving me in. And if not, then hopefully the start of me beginning moving on. It was a lot stronger in tone and raises very painful issues between us regarding things we went through that made us so close, which I've kept quiet about with him until now thinking it unfair to 'bring out the big guns' but my head won't let me rest til I've got it all out and tried with all my might to make him see something other than the inside of his own anus. If that doesn't work, nothing will.

Urgh. I've had about an hours sleep and feel terrible

Oh, gods sake, Another cold reply. Oh well, that does feel like the end of the line at last for me and there's nothing more to be said. So onwards and upwards from here.

Yep lubey just another selfish bastard to add to our ever growing selection.
X phoned at lunchtime to say could he see kids today instead of tomorrow I said yes ,he said actually he was working so couldn't see them ,prick,wtf is that all about.says he has had no lawyers letters .sorry but I'm just bored now .

DH was supposed to come to see DC for a long weekend and they were really looking forward to seeing him. Not surprisingly, he never showed up nor called. And he is not picking up his phone. I am so fed up seeing DC so upset and disappointed. Again.

Oh America thats awful.

And Patience thats awful but Im kind of glad boredom is what is your feeling now. Hope your face behaves itself soon and you are feeling better settled back in your wee place

Sorry Lubey - that coldness is awful - its such a horrible contrast to how they treated us before - I think weve all gone through it on here.

Elsie - glad youve come so far and have a wild leathered tatooed builder in your life!

And Starting - glad you and Mr Plumber have hit it off - and what a lot of coincidences - they do happen sometimes! :) And yes the Hs just dont think through the stuff do they -down the pub ha ha

Goo -you are such a hard worker - we are not worthy etc!

Devastated - glad to see you back but sorry youve had this hassle. I think Ive seen on Lone Parents or somehwere else on here that around age 8/9 judges/courts etc take kids views into account. Im not surprised she doesnt want to go at present - if your X had any sense hed play the long game and take it gently now as Im sure he would get a better result.

My - good to see you back

Maybee - hope you have a good chance at your job you applied for .

Quiet weekend here - just a film and one outing. Half term next week - friends keep cancelling arrangements - hope can get enough together to amuse DCs. Need to sort out summer -H has announced what he wants to do -so need to get my stuff sorted out.

Thanks. I think getting it all off my chest was the right thing to do. No crying today, hurrah

Whirlwind day, three communion parties & a birthday party!! Am on the road since 11 this morn & have just returned with an extra two kids in tow . It was a really lovely day & kids had a ball but I did find at one point during the day I temporarily felt a bit of a misfit. It's awful really as even though I'm fine about being separated there are sometimes occasions like this where you end up being the odd one out & then people treat you like the poor misfortunate.

With regards to xh taking the dc's to a house with 8 other men to watch the match. Tbh even though it might seem extreme the first thing that came into my mind is that I don't know these men from adam, I don't trust xh's judgement & for all I know one of the dc's could end up abused in a situation like that. I know xh is trying to do his best with dc's but it's more a case that he is clueless to the point that it could lead to neglect/danger. He's taking dc's for the afternoon tomorrow & I think I'm going to ask him to meet with me for a coffee some morning when the dc's are in school & I'm going to attempt a gentle chat about appropriate behaviour if he's going to have dc's overnight.

Lubey, glad you're feeling better today.

ET, wow sounds v exciting

Patience, that's just really sad that xh is cancelling dc's yet again.

America, likewise so sorry to hear you're battling with the same thing

Mumfun, glad things have calmed down again for you, nice to have a break with midterm to look forward to.

Hello ladies. I'm really tired and off to bed in a mo. Just showing my face. I'll try and post more meaningfully tomorrow. My cold has mostly gone now but I'm left with this exhausted feeling. Couldn't find the energy today to do more than a few household necessities nor yesterday for that matter But hello.

After X saying he would have them sat not sun then mon not sat ,well still no word LOL x

hi everyone - glad your cold has almost gone T but be careful - you might have post viral exhaustion, so gan canny as we say up here.
Patience - dad of the year strikes again. Love your new pics on fb. Not sure about that birth clip though lol xxx
Had traumatic day with friend yesterday. Can't go into it but she's had probably the shittiest time any woman could havve and my other friend and I tried to support her yesterday. Think she's ok now but it's really hit home to me how alone we can be as single mums and how important friends are.
Did loads of gardening yesterday - about 4 hours. Thought sod it, I can't keep working like an automaton, I need to do something I enjoy. So I did. Done some of my reports today but not many. Just felt tired. In ofer to keep up with everything I have to push myself to the limit and I just can't do it all the time.
Hope everyone is ok and keeping their collective chins up. Love to you all xxx

Getting a trampolinre this week Patience, so your two will have lots of fun when they come to stay x