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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

husband kicked DD1, am leaving in the morning

207 replies

lucyintheskywithdinos · 01/04/2011 00:34

I'm sat here in floods, twat is in the other bedroom. Anyone around to keep me company?

We were having a tough bedtime, not unusual. DD1 4 is bouncing happily around, we're both grumpy. She jumps on him, he kicks her. I'm horrified, he doesn't react until after me. Since he has been trying to tell me he 'moved her with his leg' but is now admitting it. DD1 has only just gone to sleep.

Fuck. Am calming down again now, will pack bag tomorrow and go stay with my Mum. What do I need to take? Am going to run to the toilet now.

OP posts:
makemineapinot · 01/04/2011 15:48

Hope you're OK Lucy - you are so brave and have done the right thing to proetct your dds and yourself. Good luck. There is a lot of very sensible advice on here. I wish i had reported my ex - it would ahve saved a lot of hurt, heartache, stress and legal/court expenses later. Also if you ahve logged the call to the police and given them your mum's address you will get a quicker response time if he came round to your mums kicking off when he gets home and finds you gone. You will soon be able to enjoy an unbelievable sense of freedom and relief once this feeling of unreality leaves you. Good luck - am thinking about you.

Snuppeline · 01/04/2011 15:50

To those who doubt the OP having thought it through (or saying she should) read her posts again. She states that it is the second time violence has occurred by DH towards her dd and that the first time she, presumably thinking it was a one-off, dealt with DH. She also said he had no further chances. So a) its not a one-off, b) OP has thought it through.

sotellmewhatyouthink · 01/04/2011 15:53

good luck lucy.

welshbyrd · 01/04/2011 16:12

What an incredible MUM you are OP Smile

Your daughters are very lucky girls, to have such a fab mum

Please keep posting, would like to know you are all safe x

AnonymousBird · 01/04/2011 16:23

Good luck. You are very brave.

Stay in touch, and stay safe.

bumpybecky · 01/04/2011 16:27

hope you're ok :) I also think you're being so brave, good luck :)

CoventLondon · 01/04/2011 16:28

Good luck. I hope you are at your friends okay.

Original poster
lucyintheskywithdinos · 01/04/2011 16:55

Went to my friend's for the morning, planted peas and drank tea while our little ones played. H has left our house, so I'm home and he's not here!

Have been playing in the garden all afternoon, spoken to FIL who is happy for us to stay as long as we like! Honestly, it feels great.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 01/04/2011 16:57

Well done - I do admire you for having the strength of your convictions.

You gave him a chance the last time he did this. I think you have made the right decision.

GypsyMoth · 01/04/2011 17:05

i expect he'll leave you alone for a day or so....then it will start....the begging/pleading/wheedling and then when that doesnt work,the threats

be strong lucy......and have a back up plan

GypsyMoth · 01/04/2011 17:05

and have a think about access.......

HampstersDontSwim · 01/04/2011 17:23

Glad you are ok.

I think the same as ILoveTIFFANY.

I really dont think your H will just roll over and stay gone.
It might be well worth speaking to the police so you have more grounds to get it so he cant just walk into your home as and when he likes.
ATM your H has every right to let himself in and can even take the DC (if he is their bio father)
I'm sorry and am not trying to scare you, but I've seen this kind of thing play out many times and the H is allways so nice and understaning at first but it soon wains if she is resolute in ending the relationship.
Your FIL sounds nice but he may feel conflicted when he sees his son upset.

I'm so sorry this has happened to your family.

Jacksmania · 01/04/2011 17:33

Phew, glad he's left. How did that go? Did you tell him to leave or did he offer?

Either way - thinking of you and I'm happy you're feeling so good!

plopplopquack · 01/04/2011 17:49

Can I ask about when he hit your DD 2 years ago. Was it a smack or a proper hit? There is such a difference isn't there. If this is the first time he has done something like this (the kick) the it may be a one off out of character thing which may have shocked him too and which he may of bitterly regretted immediately. You say he's done it before but really he's only done it before if the incident when she was 2 was a hit and not a smack. Some people do smack their children after all. You also say the kick didn't leave a mark so it must have been very soft so although he lost it he didn't lose it enough to physically harm your daughter so it shows that he has some control at least.

Personally I don't agree with smacking but I have done it a couple of times which was a sign of my lack of control and that I needed to learn better ways to parent (will be working on that forever). It didn't make me an abusive parent, just one who needed to learn a lot and control her temper more. I have a bad temper generally and find myself on the edge a lot. I love my children more then anything though and know they are better off with me then anyone else and I am NOT a danger to them.

You sound like you are very sure about your decision to leave him and that's great. I do wonder if there is more to it though as you seem generally pleased to have ended things.

I'm sure I'm going to be quoted and flamed and all sorts but wanted to say that the fact he has lost it (or nearly lost it) twice in 4 years, I don't think means he is neccessarily an abusive man that you can't be with. Your own experience of this sort of thing growing up is sure to have had an effect on how you react to anyone showing signs of it now. That can be a good thing in that you leave at the first sign but also maybe a bad thing in that you see more then is there. Only you can answer these questions though.

GypsyMoth · 01/04/2011 17:52

kind of agree with you plop....BUT,to me,op leaving so smartish indicates theres more to this than we realise. maybe she senses something she cant explain,has felt he's being harsher than necessary etc etc.....and this has fueled her quick departure

coccyx · 01/04/2011 17:53

not sure about ringing 999 'incase' he does it again

coccyx · 01/04/2011 17:55

I am not supporting what he did, but this thread is very anti men.
i have seen mothers hit children in shops with quite some force and nothing is done, no one rang 999.
think you are looking for reason to split

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 01/04/2011 17:58

Please think before you post. What has how some women hit their children in shops got to do with the OP's situation.

BertieBotts · 01/04/2011 18:01

It's not anti men at all, it's supportive of someone who wants to protect her children.

There is more to this. People don't leave wonderful relationships because of a smack. Unknown mothers hitting their children in shops is a completely different situation. Maybe someone should do something about it? Either way that isn't a child you have a direct responsibility for.

GypsyMoth · 01/04/2011 18:04

cooyx.....she says he did it before,he was told then doing it again would reslt in this.......

plopplopquack · 01/04/2011 18:53

Please think before you post. What has how some women hit their children in shops got to do with the OP's situation.

I think what she is saying is that a smack isn't the same as abuse etc.

ElenStone · 01/04/2011 20:45

"I am not supporting what he did, but this thread is very anti men"

It's not anti-men at all, the criticism on this thread is levelled towards the actions of one man, which are inexcusable.

When you seen these mothers hit their children, did you call 999? Have you ever asked any of the women on this thread how they feel about women hitting children with severe force? I think you'd find they'd react the same way if this thread was a husband talking about his wife mistreating her children.

#fed up with people shouting sexism for stupid reasons this week

thumbwitch · 02/04/2011 01:42

Glad you got to stay in the house, OP. Where has your H gone? Does your FIL know the history of what happened then, is that why he's happy for you to stay there without his son?

Pretty sure your H will be back in a few days as well, tbh, so work out what you need to do in advance of when he does come back.

amberleaf · 02/04/2011 09:22

Think i agree with plopplopquack-i get what you are saying.

Also that there is possibly more to this ie reasons why the op wants to leave her husband.

OR she is at home with hubby now after feeling like she over reacted.

  • What happened for husband to just leave? what did you tell FIL?
plopplopquack · 02/04/2011 10:07

This morning I was very tired and my dcs were being naughty. I sent my oldest (4) to sit in the corner to calm down and she wasn't moving. I took hold of her arm and sort of gave it a little push in the right direction. Being a particularly clumsy 4 year old she tripped over her own feet and fell over. To anyone else (in the next room etc) it might have seemed like I pushed her over.