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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

husband kicked DD1, am leaving in the morning

207 replies

lucyintheskywithdinos · 01/04/2011 00:34

I'm sat here in floods, twat is in the other bedroom. Anyone around to keep me company?

We were having a tough bedtime, not unusual. DD1 4 is bouncing happily around, we're both grumpy. She jumps on him, he kicks her. I'm horrified, he doesn't react until after me. Since he has been trying to tell me he 'moved her with his leg' but is now admitting it. DD1 has only just gone to sleep.

Fuck. Am calming down again now, will pack bag tomorrow and go stay with my Mum. What do I need to take? Am going to run to the toilet now.

OP posts:
LadyWord · 01/04/2011 09:10

I would be worried about him having access to the DC after a split. I would report the incident to the police so that's it's on record he has been violent towards DD. That will help your case if you want to make sure he can't have them on his own.

zikes · 01/04/2011 09:13

So glad you're getting your children out, well done. Best wishes for today.

Do consider reporting him, as in the future he may want access to the children and personally I don't think he should have them unsupervised.

Eglu · 01/04/2011 09:17

Just seen this Lucy. Well done for getting away. Keep safe.

Snuppeline · 01/04/2011 09:18

Hi just read your posts. I can only second what the others have said to you here - you are very strong and a fantastic mother. I hope you are able to pack and make your plans for today with a clear head. Perhaps you can get a friend to come and help you? Tune in when you can and let us know how you are doing. Good luck.

dawntigga · 01/04/2011 09:27

Just read your posts, well done on being strong and making a choice.

Report what he did to the police if only to get it on record.

ThinkingOfYouTiggaxx

Speedbump · 01/04/2011 09:44

You sound amazingly brave.

For the sake of your children, please log the incident with the police as my mum didn't and the courts gave my dad weekend access. It was awful.

I really hope that everything goes well for you today and that your children are ok.

Good luck

eroded · 01/04/2011 09:45

Good Luck xxx

stripeywoollenhat · 01/04/2011 09:52

good for you for going - good luck

ShoutyHamster · 01/04/2011 09:52

Adding to all those who say REPORT TO THE POLICE.

Get it on record, else it's your word against his when it comes to keeping them safe with access. Get officialdom on your side from the start.

Hats off to you, you're a strong woman and doing the right thing. Your daughters are very lucky girls!!!

Best of luck x

ShoutyHamster · 01/04/2011 09:59

Btw, sounds like you have enough time today to pack properly - prioritise the precious things - photographs, anything sentimental - as well as documents and bank stuff etc. over clothes and the like. Download photos onto a data stick or hard drive if you can?
That's the stuff you might find it hard to get back if he gets spiteful, clothes and general stuff can always be replaced.

Details of HIS bank stuff, pension, etc. too! Take originals if no time to photocopy, photocopy later when you have time and sneak originals back in or post back to him. Same for laptop - you can easily get the whole drive backed up elsewhere then give the laptop back.

x

lucyintheskywithdinos · 01/04/2011 10:00

Waiting for taxi. See you later

OP posts:
LunaticIsOnTheGrass · 01/04/2011 10:04

Good luck - Keep strong.

nitnatnaboo · 01/04/2011 10:05

Lucy You sound so strong. Good luck today

PS I'm near you (Ormskirk) and have room if you need to sort the chicks in a hurry. PM me if needed.

280169 · 01/04/2011 10:10

good luck lucy you are truly doing the right thing, you lovely dd will be safe now

you are doing incredibly well holding it together.x

GypsyMoth · 01/04/2011 10:12

do report this incident somewhere.....for access reasons later......it needs to be reported,believe me!!

good luck

IslaValargeone · 01/04/2011 10:14

Just wanted to add my support. x

Iwantscallops · 01/04/2011 10:21

Stay strong. Good luck.

helendigestives · 01/04/2011 10:36

Good for you for doing the right thing. [big hugs] Stay strong.

2littlegreenmonkeys · 01/04/2011 10:36

Good luck, stay strong, what a fantastic mummy you are to your DD's.

perfumedlife · 01/04/2011 10:47

Just read this op. I think you are very brave and well done for taking such prompt action. You must be devastated at this turn. He has done it twice now, and thats all you ever need to know, it wont stop. Your poor dd.

I have a great dh, so responsible and caring. I never want anyone else. But I can promise you, if he lifted a finger to my ds I would do exactly as you are doing. No doubts for a second.

Rooting for you. Hope today goes as well as it can. x

KeepCalmAndCurryOn · 01/04/2011 10:53

If this is a habit with him, you are doing the right thing. If it came out of the blue, I would like to tell you something from my own past.

I was about nine (I am 50-ish now). I was being a right little shit, I can tell you. My dear mother, the kindest, most loyal, most supportive woman in the world, kicked me. Not something she had ever done before, or since, and even then I knew it was out of character and that she must have been at the end of her tether.

It was never mentioned again, has never bothered me, and today she is at the centre of our lives, and her grand-children's lives. She lives with us - that's how close we are - and dh and I are very glad to have her.

The thought of her NOT being part of her lives, of being denied access to us because she might, just might, have kicked one of us again, and having police / ss breathing down her neck for the rest of her life, is ludicrous and horrifying. I would have been SO much the poorer for it I just can't tell you. The thought of a bunch of people saying 'save the hens, she might kill them out of spite' - nothing could have been less likely.

If you dp is an abusive wanker who has done and will do this sort of thing again, you are doing the right thing. If it is something that has shocked him as much as you, and you previously had a happy and loving family relationship,please give some thought to what your children, and you, and he will lose forever if you cut him out of your lives rather than working towards a solution.

I apologise if there is a back history here that I don't know, and I expect I'll be flamed. But I thought this was worth saying.

emmymoomoo · 01/04/2011 10:53

I just want to say. In cases such as this, there is no reporting it to the police, just to log it, he will be arrested on suspicion of child abuse.

Quite right too. But there is no such thing as reporting it just for the record with children, the police will arrest him and expect op and DD to give a statement. She needs to know this is what will happen.

perfumedlife · 01/04/2011 11:04

Hi KeepCalmandCurryOn, I hear what you're saying but the h hit the little girl two years ago.Sad

Glad your mum sorted things out for the best though.

cestlavielife · 01/04/2011 11:17

report to police - it will be pased onto SS but as you have moved out and are keeping the chidlren safe it is not the case that he will automatically be immediately arrested for child abuse.

it will be logged,
it may be that they call him into interview.
if he denies it then nothing much may happen.
however, certainly
op will get a call from SS to se if she is ok. this might not happen for a few days.

op should tell SS everything and cooperate with SS and explain what she doing to keep children safe from this man eg no contact except supervised etc.

(if op after few days goes back to him then there will be quesitons - op now you done this do NOT go back...)
if it is deemed that children are ok and safe and contact is now going thru contact centre etc then it is unlikely he will be charged. tho if he admits it may get a a caution.

it needs to be logged to police so that op can then refuse contact except supervised contact eg contact centre or third party.

emmymoomoo · 01/04/2011 11:29

I have just seen someone go through exactly this scenario. As soon as it was reported he'd hurt a child. He was arrested and questioned, so were the family.

The police don't even need the victim to make a statement now for DV, if they have grounds to believe an assault or dv of any sort has taken place. Op phoning up to report the assault will see him arrested, that I gt'e you.

If a child has been hurt and reported, they won't just contact ss, and ignore it. They will get ss involved yes, but they will also proceed with action against the father. They won't just log it and forget it, passing it on to ss, that's a fact.

So if people want to be helpful, they need to make sure the op is fully prepared for what will happen in the next step.

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