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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

husband kicked DD1, am leaving in the morning

207 replies

lucyintheskywithdinos · 01/04/2011 00:34

I'm sat here in floods, twat is in the other bedroom. Anyone around to keep me company?

We were having a tough bedtime, not unusual. DD1 4 is bouncing happily around, we're both grumpy. She jumps on him, he kicks her. I'm horrified, he doesn't react until after me. Since he has been trying to tell me he 'moved her with his leg' but is now admitting it. DD1 has only just gone to sleep.

Fuck. Am calming down again now, will pack bag tomorrow and go stay with my Mum. What do I need to take? Am going to run to the toilet now.

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyintheskywithdinos · 01/04/2011 01:16

It feels weird. I just don't feel much at all. I'm going to ring my mum first thing to let her know what is going on, she'll be on her way to work and I get the joy of the bouncy dog. She's not far away.

Wanker gets the chickens. I love my chickens. They are so funny. Am getting my kitten from him though.

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 01/04/2011 01:21

you are in shock, numb. totally understandable.

you know you are doing the right thing.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 01/04/2011 01:21

Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight and get sorted/packed tomorrow. You know you'll always have support on here.

HansieMom · 01/04/2011 01:26

Can you take the chickens or give them to a friend? I know chickens can be such good pets. Good luck!

Original poster
lucyintheskywithdinos · 01/04/2011 01:27

He has just been in trying to persuade me to stay. Gone now, I refuse to listen to tired old platitudes. Am going now, I'll bore myself to sleep with phone games.

I'll lie in the morning if I have to to get him out of the door. Will see you on the other side. You have all kept me going so far, I imagine tomorrow will be worse though.

OP posts:
AmandaCooper · 01/04/2011 01:36

Have just read this. Hope you are ok and you manage to get some sleep and get away in the morning.

EugenieM · 01/04/2011 01:36

You're in shock remember - hence feelings of unreality. You sound amazingly strong. I hope you're safe tonight and can lock door to keep safe. Sending you thoughts of comfort FWITW (for what it's worth).xx

ElenStone · 01/04/2011 01:46

I'd echo what everyone else has said, when you've calmed down you're bound to start missing him, but don't go back. You and your kids deserve better.

Another thing to take: your wedding certificate. You'll need it when it comes to divorce proceedings. Also, delete any numbers you don't want him to have access to from the phone book and don't leave any address books around/sensitive files on the computer if you aren't taking it. If you save passwords on your computer, make sure you delete those too and if you work, heads up people to the situation. Take meter readings before you go for any utilities that are in your name. Then once you're at your mums you can call the companies and ask for a final bill and for your name to be taken off the account (or for it to be disconnected, if you're feeling like teaching him a lesson!) ... as well as that, make sure benefits people/banks etc ... are aware of your change of address and if you have joint accounts, take your share of the money out and ask for your name to be removed from the account or failing that, for the account to be frozen.

Good luck, I hope you find a fresh new start and someone who treats you and your kids the way you deserve to be treated.

Original poster
lucyintheskywithdinos · 01/04/2011 02:08

I'm safe, he's asleep. Shame I can't sleep though. DDs are cuddling in their sleep and both snoring. Not sure what to tell DD1 tomorrow.

OP posts:
FaffTastic · 01/04/2011 02:17

Take tomorrow easy. Just tell DDs you're going to have a holiday at Grannys for a while. The difficult explaining can come once you catch a breath to get your head around things x

MotherMucca · 01/04/2011 02:32

You sound v strong and resolved, OP. Stay angry!

You are doing such a great thing for your daughters: I worked in a women's refuge many years ago. I saw the damage to those children. You are their hero for protecting them (and their darling mummy).

Good good luck tomorrow.

Jacksmania · 01/04/2011 04:10

I've nothing to add that hasn't been said by much smarter posters than I am in these matters, but I'm marking my place for support tomorrow. Different time zone: Pacific, GMT -8 so I'm around at odd hours if you need to chat.
Between Lewisfab and ElenStone you've had brilliant advice, can't add anything, but am here if you need someone.

Stac2011 · 01/04/2011 04:21

thinking of you op. Better you leave than dc's taken away by ss due to his violence. You are very brave and stron

thumbwitch · 01/04/2011 04:26

Depending on how many chickens you have, I'd box them up and take them with me too, tbh. I wouldn't leave them there for him to vent his anger on.
Hope you get away with no trouble tomorrow and do please speak to the police as soon as you are safe, or if you have troubles with him in the morning.

Hope your DD is ok - how horrible for her to have been kicked by her dad. :(

Original poster
lucyintheskywithdinos · 01/04/2011 08:07

I wish I could box up thee choose, but my Mum lives in a flat.

I'm horrid. Am sending him off to work with an 'I don't know what is going to happen' the implication is that I'm staying, but its just not true.

OP posts:
Bucharest · 01/04/2011 08:10

More support coming your way from Italy.

How are you feeling?

thumbwitch · 01/04/2011 08:16

have you no friends you could ask to look after the chooks? Am :( for them as well, worried that he might hurt them.

Hope you are ok today.

NettleTea · 01/04/2011 08:18

good luck. do you know anyone who could take the chicks - a neighbour???

EveryonesJealousOfGingers · 01/04/2011 08:24

Lucy you are not horrid you are doing what's necessary to get your DDs out as calmly as possible. Just wanted to add my support and wish you good luck for today.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 01/04/2011 08:32

Second what Everyones said. It's not horrible to try to minimise the potential for conflict.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/04/2011 08:37

What area do you live in - I'd happily come and take your chooks and look after them for you (I'm in Hertfordshire) - I have an unused eglu in the back garden at the moment as my chooks died a couple of years ago (of old age!)

I too am always worried about pets - what if he just wrung their necks for his tea to upset you

happymole · 01/04/2011 08:46

just wanted to add my support. Can't add any more to the excellent advice you have been given.

Stay angry! I am incandesent on your behalf! You are doing totally the right thing.

Unmumsnetty hug for you and dd's x

Original poster
lucyintheskywithdinos · 01/04/2011 08:47

In merseyside sadly. Thank you so much for the offer.

He has finally gone now. Too late to get in touch with my mum though, she's a teacher. Will pack up and go to a friend's house who is near to hers til she gets home.

I'm not worried about the chicks, he thinks I'll be back and is keeping them safe for me.

OP posts:
Doobydoo · 01/04/2011 08:49

Support from me too.Stay angry and here's too a calmer time for you and your children.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/04/2011 09:00

Your mum stayed with an abusive bloke for 15 years:(.

Womens Aid are certainly worth calling if you have not already done so.

In the longer term as well you may find it a good idea to get yourself on Womens Aid Freedom programme. Such abusive men take a hell of a long time to recover from.