Support thread for the recently ditched No.13

[Teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

This thread is for anyone who has recently been dumped ditched. A safe place to share your woes and to support, advise and give virtual ((hugs)) to fellow dumplings each other, as we walk this journey as one, to find the new us: fabulous, strong and full of serenity.

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

I am just so flat atm

I struggle to get out of bed before noon

Dds are constantly arguing and there is no-one here to diffuse it

My house is a tip.

I have no motivation to do my studies

I feel trapped in my own home in case I bump into ow as I come out of my house, or they are at park etc.

I just want to curl up and give up :(

Hope everything is sorted when you get back today lawrie

It must be horrible knowing OW is always possibly round rhe corner. At least in my case the OW (who was/is a symptom rather than cause) is about 200 miles away so unlikely to cone across her.

Came back from mum and dad's and have delivered DC to H. He had again suggested we met him at my house but I was firm :) Altjough felt a bit wobbly seeing him.

Am doing a mystery shopping lunch so at least I know that I will eat today. Is just so hard all the time.

What's a mystery shopping lunch?

I am eating, but only what I fancy so a combination of eating out (cos I randomly fancied roast yesterday so went for a carvary), and rubbish...I am wasting so much food cos I buy it and don't fancy it.

Weekends also costing me a fortune....don't want dcs to be bored (or they nag to go see xp who lives round corner)...so doing lots of shopping and days out. Just feel as though I am putting myself under so much pressure at the moment...I can't wait for things to settle down

I do mystery shopping for various places. The place employs mystery shopping companies who have people like me who go and buy things and then report back on the service etc. So today I got lunch and did a report and will get paid for it in a few weeks time. I do all sorts and it keeps me busy. Althhough will be doing less soon as my work time of year is approaching (I do invigilating for a couple of schools and local university, mark exam papers for an accountancy college and hopefully will be marking exam papers for an accountancy qualification board).

Feels a bit odd being in the house on my own (apart from cat). Will try and enjoy it.

Depends where you are . Haven't started the university stuff yet but it seems there is a big emphasis on making sure no one is trying to get someone else to do the exam for them. Whereas in the school ones there is slightly more of a crowd control aspect (although not that much).

Am in York by the way :)

What are you studying? I think I would like to study more but not sure what. Don't have any reasons for doing it but do like learning.

I am currently doing a pre-pgce course.

Nowhere near you though....guess I will have to find someone else to pay...

Girl power day here.

Bought some tools to replace the ones xp took.

Dismantled swing with my new tools (being replaced with trampoline with dcs sharing for birthdays).

Replaced toilet seat which is long overdue.
Got new loo roll holder but that involves drilling so that will wait till tomorrow.

Also got my new .tax credits award through today. It is quite a bit more than I was expecting based on benefits checker so :) . I shall''t be telling xp though cos I still haven't settled.maintenance with him. although I am probably in the fortunate position of being financially better off without him (his income was pitifully low and probably didn't support his existence, although he was the.main carer at the time) I will be aiming to get every penny I am entitled to and as much as he will volunteer for maintenance. He is already cross with me for putting him in financial ruin by protecting my own assets in my own bank account, but given that he has been blatantly screwing around with another woman for 18m what does he expect me to do with my own windfall?

Hope everyone else is ok. How did the me time go yesterday lawrie? How have the dc's gone with the time with their dad?

How long did your tax credit award take to come through? Excellent that it was more than you anticipated. Am getting impatient (has only been a week though )

H has set up standing order for maintenance which is an all right amount.

I was fine yesterday - felt a bit odd but was all right. DC seem to have been fine too. DD doesn't seem to take too much in - is just accepting that Daddy has a new house. She did suggest I could buy a smaller bed now . Thought she was going to suggest I got someone else in to share it.

DS seems OK too but I think does understand a bit more. Suppose the difference in their ages (7 and 5) is likely to be why.

School tomorrow. Need to prepare instead of aimlessly mumsnetting .

My lovely mum and dad have offered to pay for a cottage for the DC and I to go away in the summer holidays and thanks to starting a thread here have found a lovely one

I rang tax credits 16th April, so about 10 days. Have also sorted free school meals. They have always had sandwiches, but if nothing else free school meals will buy me time in not having to do a lunchbox, as long as they eat them.

DD3 is 5 too and she comes out with some things. At first she was asking "when will you let daddy come home" which was heart breaking seeing as this isn't my fault. She has settled down now and just seems to be getting on with it...she did suggest that I would need her in bed to cuddle cos daddy isn't there but I have resisted that one as I don't want to start bad habits.

DTDs are 10 next week. They seem a bit up and down. They don't like to see me upset which is an issue at times. They obviously have greater understanding. I think it disturbs DTD1 but I can't get her to open up. She overheard us talking about him moving out before we discussed it with them. It was obvious she had overheard and just really closed up. I think she may also have overheard elements of why, and I would like her to open up about it if she has so we can get it out in the open. I think it would help her to understand but can't justify sitting her down and telling her out of the blue IYSWIM, even though I am being advised to (an an age appropriate level) by friends, a child welfare person that works with children from disadvantaged families and her headmaster. I think she has to ask appropriate questions.

XP and I had initially agreed not to talk to them about why, so when I told him a couple of weeks ago that I was planning on telling them if an when they asked appropriate questions I was fuming at his response "so you want it to be the talk of the playground then?"...which roughly translated means "I am not going to ask if you have considered the welfare of our own children, but instead I am shitting myself that OWDCs and OWDH will find out via the playground" .

I called tax credits on 18th I think. Was a Monday anyway. So maybe my award will come soon :) We rent so have also applied for housing and council tax benefit. And have done single person reduction although don't know whether normal full direct debit amount will come out this month.

Where we are having free school meals means you can get other things ie free holiday playschemes. We should qualify for free school meals I think - don't think I'll use them all the time but probably will sometimes.

DC don't know about any of the ins and outs of it - is all a bit too complicated to try to explain to anyone let alone them. Precipitated by the discovery of H's affair but things weren't OK before that either.

Am still aimlessly mumsnetting

LOL about aimlessly MNing...erm yes I am busy...erm....studying

Ooo will have to look into what else free school meals leads to. I know that until recently you could get after school activities and clubs and stuff paid for but that has not stopped just as I am entitled....will check out the other stuff.

Ah - could be things I found may have stopped in April (as I investigated for a while before hand).

Am going to try a bit of sleep now I think

I might actually get smething done today...I have actually dragged myself out of bed before lunchtime...I have already been up 2 hrs actually....

Back to school went fine - or at least they went into breakfast club and I went and invigilated fine. Out of school club is next door to school so they get walkd round.

Got excited when I saw a letter from the tax credits office but was a notice of the old joint claim for the few days in April when H was here. Am hoping my claim comes through soon.

Am really tired - need to do bedtime earlier for me. H having them from Thursday evening until Monday so will try and do good sleeping. Am working Friday morning though (at least I get to escape the Royal Wedding....)

I built an 8 foot trampoline this afternoon all on my own girl power!

Hi 5s Haunted .
I screwed a door back on a cupboard yesterday

Drill is coming out tomorrow

I am suffering this morning :(

Whole body aches from springing that trampoline :(

Off to buy a Henry I think. My dyson has broken again. I will get it repaired under warantee and sell it for nearly as much as Henry will cost me.

Think of the good it's done your figure, though, Haunted!

I actually meant the DIY part of the trampoline....it was hard work attaching and stretching 40 springs...box says it was a 2 person assembly, but I did it all on my own [proud]

I haven't actually been on it yet.

Well it will have done your abs & pecs & self confidence no end of good as well as made dcs v. happy.

HLL..well done on the trampoline! I would have thrown it round the garden..

sorry to hear you are feeling low..I have no motivation right now and cant stop crying ..H is moving back out tonight..and has spent the last couple of days re writing our relationship (ie I was a monster..blah blah) all justification to be with OW I guess..He finally admitted that he was leaving to be with her..it hurts so bloody much..I cant beleive that he could walk out on his DC's one of whom is only 12 m onths..because his ruled by his dick..what a knob

:( memorylapse.

It does sound like he is justifying being with OW. Mine did that too. For the first few weeks he took 100% of the responsibility..."it's not you it's me" etc. more recently he has been turning it around.."well why do you think I went looking for someone else". Thing is he didn't go looking. She landed on the doorstep, and then he started to criticise our relationship. I am sure I have seen on here that this is the first stage in an affair. For him to give himself "permission" to have an affair.

Be kind to yourself. Try and stay in control.