Thanks Tea, the second affair (or ONS?) is so shocking just because of the callous and destructive nature of it. I can understand him getting slowly involved (well quite quickly actually) with someone who flatters him and all that stuff, someone he'd built up a 'relationship' on line with. But then to just go out and shag some random, whilst saying that there was still hope for us etc. It is just so against his character. He is saying that he is appalled by his new behaviour etc and cannot understand why he did etc etc. But this is all just self deluding nonsense. It is just hard for me, because I CAN understand why he did it. He kept stringing on wifey at home because he 'has loved her all his life' and she lives with his lovely kids etc etc , but he decided to set off on his new 'separated' life regardless. He also decided to abandon the first OW because he has realised that he doesn't want to be with her because she is a stripper and ooo how sordid, so he has upgraded his shag to a woman who is at university. This abysmal treatment of these women is almost as shocking to me. He is abusing his position of power as an older man in a job that appeals to these younger women.
He claims that this is the first time he's slept with OW2, but on Xmas Eve when I discovered a dodgy email and began trawling my mind and his Facebook for likely affair candidates the OW2 was who I suspected him of having an affair with. He knew this, and admitted to 'inappropriate' chatting on line with her, but since withdrew that and said that 'inappropriate' was too strong, and actually it was just the mildest of flirting.
God, maybe he has spent the last 10 years screwing random women and I have only just found out. His job certainly would have allowed it.
Either way, he is doing it now. I just have to think of him as someone who has fully separated from me, who is conducting his sex life as if he is single, and I have to completely ignore any crap he gives me about still loving me, being sorry, wanting me and the family. Actions not words.
I read the first few pages of your original thread Tea and was quite stunned by the lies that your H told and his inability to behave in any decent manner at the beginning. I can't remember the date of it, but seem to remember it was quite recent. So did you get a divorce quite quickly? Think that is what I am going to have to do to protect myself financially. I like that thing you said about the heart taking a while to catch up with the head. That is very true, I will add it to my list of mantras!!!!!
Thanks patience, it is so important to look after yourself isn't it? I've got a few child free days coming up when they go to their dad so am planning lots of positive things. I am not going to hide under a duvet and think about killing myself which is what I did 2 weeks ago [shame].
Oh god, just seen baby has leaked poo out of her nappy and is trailing it over floor. Joy.