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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Regaining love?

253 replies

whereisthelove · 27/03/2011 14:03

My DH has dropped me a bombshell - "I love you but I am not IN love with you". I'm devastated and don't know what to do.

We've had a rocky 18months. After the birth of DC3 I was just very child focused and haven't paid my DH enough attention and affection. I think I've just been emotionally drained looking after 3 little ones. Anyway, he has been feeling very angry about it and hasn't really expressed it up until now.

I have recently felt like I've turned a corner and feel like I've got some of me back as DC3 is now that bit older but I think it's too late. My DH hasn't said he loves me for weeks and that is what brought on the conversation last night.

I really don't know what to do. Is it possible for me to make him fall in love with me all over again?

I feel like someone has literally punched me in the stomach and torn my world apart. I've just been so withdrawn today and know I need to snap myself out of it as it's doing me no favours. But I'm so so sad :(

OP posts:
sufficient · 31/03/2011 16:35

It's an excuse. My H didn't feel guilty or that he could work on our marriage, because he was "mourning" the end of the affair and missing OW.

That was all bollocks. He just wasn't ready to commit to me and give up his exciting romantic adventure.

madonnawhore is exactly right.

BalloonSlayer · 31/03/2011 16:54

Agree with madonnawhore. Also think that he had a sense of grievance at "being ignored" which he used as his permission to have an affair. Now he's been found out, your grievance is now, justly, 1,000,000 times stronger than his ever was, he hasn't got a leg to stand on and deep down he knows it. And he is FURIOUS about that.

madonnawhore · 31/03/2011 17:00

Yeah he can't play the victim any more.

WriterofDreams · 31/03/2011 17:05

I think when people have affairs they need to believe their spouse is a terrible person in order to assuage their guilt. Your H's anger might be genuine but it is fabricated in his own mind. In order not to feel like the shit that he is he has convinced himself fully that you are a terrible wife and he is using the anger from that to protect himself from realising that in fact he is a terrible husband. As others have pointed out he is also probably angry that you have put an end to his adventure - he is like a child whose toy has been taken away.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 31/03/2011 17:06

I said downthread what he was angry about here:

His anger is less to do with being neglected and more about being found out actually. He is literally furious with you for rumbling him and the more indignant he feels about that and having to accept he was in the wrong here, the more he is going to counter-attack with "reasons" for why he behaved as he did.

I'm glad the sheer weight of common sense in posts this afternoon has made you see sense and I hope now you will stop blaming yourself. And look, I'm sorry, but you've only got a proven liar's word that he hasn't been unfaithful before. What that might actually mean is that he hasn't had the opportunity before (i.e. found a willing partner) or that he has indeed been unfaithful but won't tell you about it.

Trust me on this. There are plenty of people who have affairs despite having regular sex and happy marriages. The one thing an existing partner can never be though is new and this is frequently all it is, when it comes down to it.

Sufficient has also bravely shared that despite her putting her all into her marriage and trying to be every thing her husband complained that she wasn't, it still didn't matter. I often point out that you could have been the perfect woman, performing sexual gymnastics every night and your H would still have been unfaithful, because honestly - none of us can prevent someone else being unfaithful.

If you don't believe me, please do ditch that Andrew Marshall book and read Shirley Glass instead. In her much longer career as a therapist and her far more rigorous research, she concluded that the prevention myth is one of the most damaging ones of all. There is simply no evidence to support that either a partner or a happy relationship can prevent infidelity. There was nothing you could have done. Your H was probably just as likely to have been unfaithful to you before the DCs came along, had he had the opportunity and the means of evading detection.

This is because he has an individual vulnerability to infidelity and this time, he had the lifestyle to support it. Lots of trips away from home overnight, a social life without his wife, a trusting partner who would never invade his privacy and much as it pains me to admit it, I suspect he did this to you now because he knows you are in a more vulnerable position being a SAHM with three young DCs and dependent on him. If you'd had financial independence and no DCs, he might not have risked messing you around as much. He knows that men are often forgiven for affairs "for the sake of the children" whereas many women would walk if they had the wherewithal and the independence.

Keep reversing this all the time. You weren't getting enough from him, but you didn't have an affair. If you had come on here complaining that your H was neglecting you and so you'd started an affair, I would be saying the same to you about personal responsibility - and have, many times to delusional unfaithful women looking for an excuse for their own behaviour.

whereisthelove · 31/03/2011 17:12

But he has mentioned being angry before I found out about the affair. So this anger isn't just recent.

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whereisthelove · 31/03/2011 17:24

Right he has really pissed me off.

He has just said he didn't want me doing stuff (by stuff I mean making a cake for valentines day for him and a beautiful video montage of our time together for our anniversary) but he would have preferred to have spent time with me instead. How F dare he say that. He was the one going off. I am so f**mad. Angry I just feel like getting his stuff and chucking it out of the window. How dare he say he would have like to spend time with me when he was off seeing her!!! I am just seeing red right this second.

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WhenwillIfeelnormal · 31/03/2011 17:28

Well of course he is saying that!! Re-read your OP!

"Anyway, he has been feeling very angry about it and hasn't really expressed it up until now.

So the first time you were aware of this "anger" was when he dropped the "I'm not in love with you" bombshell. How convenient.

The first time you heard he was unhappy about anything at all was after he'd started an affair and I've told you what that was about.

This anger is false and is entirely revisionist bollocks. He wasn't angry at all, except perhaps in the way a child is if they don't get what they crave immediately. And as someone shrewdly observed, his anger now is about having his toy removed (if indeed he has Hmm) as well as fury at being caught out and having to ditch his poor neglected husband script that he has been boring the OW with for ages.

It's really, really hard when an unfaithful person is sticking to this script and you are also having to compete with a discourse that perhaps you yourself believed for many years; that people only have affairs when they are "unhappy at home".

Which is why being on this forum and reading books about it - and finding a more evolved therapist, is essential, because it is a big fat lie.

We have had several brave posters on here who have admitted that there was nothing wrong with their marriages or their partners, but they were still unfaithful. We've had lots of posters (myself included) who were lucky enough to have spouses who never once blamed us or our marriages for their own behaviour - spouses who in all fairness, knew they couldn't run this defence with any credibility either, because it was patently obvious that all was well before the affair. More times than you might imagine, affairs cause marital problems, not the other way around.

whereisthelove · 31/03/2011 17:29

WWIFN - I did actually order the Shirley Glass book after you recommended it. I am just waiting for it to arrive. I really appreciate your posts but I am finding that my emotions are all over the place and unfortuntely, one of those emotions is finding blame in myself. But right now I am just livid.

I also asked him if they cuddled a lot and he came back with such a sarcastic answer. "She wasn't too uncomfortable, too hot or too dang tired 4 cuddles." I am just furious. He is just a little sh**.

OP posts:
WhenwillIfeelnormal · 31/03/2011 17:30

My love, you could have popped out of that cake you lovingly baked, kitted up to the nines - and it still wouldn't have been enough....

madonnawhore · 31/03/2011 17:30

Because he wanted to justify having an affair. If he paints you to be the bad guy he feels better about himself and more entitled to do it.

Someone else put it really well further up thread: they said that while both spouses can share responsibility for problems WITHIN THE MARRIAGE, but it was entirely his choice and his fault that he strayed outside the marriage.

He strayed because he is a selfish and weak person with a self-aggrandising sense of entitlement. He didn't stray because of anything you did or didn't do.

whereisthelove · 31/03/2011 17:41

Right I have just chucked all his stuff onto the drive whilst the my DC are playing in the back garden. I've locked the front door. I am shaking and a mess. I can't believe he said that he wishes I had spent time with him. I am so so so livid.

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whereisthelove · 31/03/2011 17:42

I've told him to get his stuff and F off.

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kettlecrisps · 31/03/2011 17:42

If you didn't have all the insight that is being provided by this thread I would imagine you'd begin to feel you were going a bit mad? You'd be re-arranging boundaries to accommodate his version of events and believing possibly you were responsible etc!

You are entirely right to GET MAD not think you're mad! He seems to be proving himself rather more distasteful than the usual suspect of unfaithful husband doesn't he! By getting mad you don't need to be aggressive just step back mentally and watch -you will be amazed at how childish his behaviour is. It's taking our breath away!

He doesn't seem like someone remotely prepared to work towards a better relationship. I don't think I'd waste time on him currently until he realises what he has destroyed. He doesn't seem to be demonstrating much appreciation at all for what he could lose does he?

Also agree with WWIFN that his behaviour post discovery does seem as if he is more the type that may have been up to things before I'm afraid. I would not believe a word he's saying at all. You know you're right to be angry.

I'm not sure he knows the truth does he?

kettlecrisps · 31/03/2011 17:45

By truth what I mean is to him it seems as if truth is something that has a "moveable" quality to it. So he may be speaking and he may even believe he's saying the truth. But whether it's actually the truth I think is another matter. He is in a lot of denial I think and not facing up to anything in HIMSELF. If he did then he would be very unhappy with what he faced looking in that mirror I think. So he doesn't look in the mirror and is just looking at you and pointing "It's all your fault"etc..

countingto10 · 31/03/2011 17:52

My DH was truly vile to me when he was in the throws of his affair and truly wrapped up in the OW, he was being wound up by her (obviously putting pressure on him to leave me) and it sounds like your H is following that particular script. He said something to me that I couldn't repeat on here which was so vile that I punched him Blush. I admire your restraint.

I think you are right to throw him out (in all likelihood he will go to OW because I don't think he has ended it with her).

Keep strong and mad.

lostinthejungle · 31/03/2011 17:59

Just chipping in here very late, but WITL - my GOD! You have 3 children under the age of 5 and yet you baked a cake for him for Valentine's Day and did a video montage for your anniversary????!!! You should be bleedin' beatified! I wonder how many other women can say they've done that much because I certainly haven't come close for a start, not in many years. Amazing. And yet he blames you? Makes me sick.

In my case, I found out just under a month ago that my very loving husband (no sarcasm there at all) had a short-lived sex-only affair that he had cut off before I found out about it. He's done everything right since (to quote WWIFN - "a sobbing, contrite wreck who would give anything to repair the damage and atone for their actions"). There's more to the story than the affair, of course, (neglect on my part, gross lack of motivation on his, chickens, eggs) but I am still having an unbelievably hard time dealing with the grief and anger. Yet your husband's behaviour is off the scale compared to mine. Stay angry, get him out of the house (I am so sorry, it is so unbelievably painful with kids), and give him some time to think things through. If he can't come to the right conclusion, well then I am very sorry....

Massive hugs from afar, be as strong as you can, and as kind to yourself as you can.

whereisthelove · 31/03/2011 18:01

I've said that if he goes to her then that is it. He isn't to come back and I mean that.

I am a bit of a mess at the mo. I need to give my DC their dinner and pretend that it's all OK when it's not. :(

I am just so angry.

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sufficient · 31/03/2011 18:09

whereisthelove HUGE hugs. You can do this. I don't think an affair is the end, but I'm convinced that the H needs to experience the full consequences of his actions, REALLY see what he will lose, in order to break him. I think time apart is the best thing, even if he does go to OW, it will probably finish their relationship off quickly as well, if it is continuing.

I know not all H's leave, but I think if they are not genuinely repentant then they have to.

sufficient · 31/03/2011 18:11

I mean, I know they don't all leave as part of the affair recovery process. It's not mandatory, but it is very effective.

whereisthelove · 31/03/2011 18:13

I am scared now. What if he never comes back! What if he goes to her. I know I need to stay strong and stand my ground but now I've calmed down a bit and am watching my DC having a picnic tea (too distracted to do a proper dinner Blush) I'm having a wobble.

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PeterAndreForPM · 31/03/2011 18:24

If he goes to her, then he has made his choice.

You cannot let the fear of that stop you standing your ground.

You cannot put him in a headlock for the rest of his life.

I agree with all others who have said he is showing a spectacular lack of respect for you...as a woman, as a wife and a mother.

How would you feel if one of your children was treated like this later in life ? You should model a strong woman for them, if not for yourself.

kettlecrisps · 31/03/2011 18:24

Was about to post you will probably panic about your decision at some stage later. It's natural. You know you've done the right thing and what sufficient has said is true. The consequences have to be felt.

What he chooses to do - you will find out more about him won't you? You will be able to make your decision based on truths not his "truths".

Stay strong. He needs to be doing SO much more than he has so far.

countingto10 · 31/03/2011 18:25

You have done the right thing. I presume he didn't beg to stay and make things right Hmm.

PeterAndreForPM · 31/03/2011 18:26

The absolute worst thing you could do now is to make threats and then not follow through.

He will have it confirmed to him that he could do what the fuck he likes and there will be no consequences

Don't be that woman, seriously