Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Regaining love?

253 replies

whereisthelove · 27/03/2011 14:03

My DH has dropped me a bombshell - "I love you but I am not IN love with you". I'm devastated and don't know what to do.

We've had a rocky 18months. After the birth of DC3 I was just very child focused and haven't paid my DH enough attention and affection. I think I've just been emotionally drained looking after 3 little ones. Anyway, he has been feeling very angry about it and hasn't really expressed it up until now.

I have recently felt like I've turned a corner and feel like I've got some of me back as DC3 is now that bit older but I think it's too late. My DH hasn't said he loves me for weeks and that is what brought on the conversation last night.

I really don't know what to do. Is it possible for me to make him fall in love with me all over again?

I feel like someone has literally punched me in the stomach and torn my world apart. I've just been so withdrawn today and know I need to snap myself out of it as it's doing me no favours. But I'm so so sad :(

OP posts:
WhenwillIfeelnormal · 30/03/2011 00:00

I don't rate that book I'm afraid and Shirley Glass's work isn't just about friendships - it's about infidelity generally. And given how quickly this started, I won't now send you that material, because it's pretty redundant.

Have you discussed whether this was a first infidelity? As a general rule, I've found that the more detached someone is from their relationship, the quicker they will give themselves permission for an affair, or because the taboo has long since gone and there were previous undiscovered infidelities, there was less angst and hand-wringing about crossing the line.

I'm going to ask a pretty bold question here, but why do you want to stay with someone who isn't in love with you? Why do you want to forgive?

And what's he going to do to earn that forgiveness? I'm assuming he's sloped off to bed yet again?

Stac2011 · 30/03/2011 00:05

witl do you want to stay with him? From what you've said its all geared towards him wanting to stay because of dc. Its so hard to know what to do for the best. Have you spoke to H about relate?

whereisthelove · 30/03/2011 00:09

I did ask him has he been unfaithful before and he said no.

Also, I want to stay with him because I love him, for the sake of our DC and I believe he wants to make it work too.

Not sure what he is going to do to earn forgiveness - I suppose that's why I do feel a bit like "so what comes next?"

OP posts:
WhenwillIfeelnormal · 30/03/2011 00:31

I think the bit we're missing here (and I understand why, you're still in shock here) is how he saw this progressing? Had you not started this thread, you would have had to deal with a bombshell that he wasn't in love with you anymore and then what? What did he expect to happen next?

Why did he say that, when he said it?

Usually you see, this speech is given as a prelude to leaving or as "a disclaimer" to signify that he was now checking out of the relationship and you were to have no further expectations of him.

I accept that when you rather magnificently pulled the rug out from under his feet, this would have shocked him to the core, but to go from that awful statement and situation to ending the other relationship and saying he wants to work things out, in the space of 48 hours, seems somewhat false and if I'm honest, untrue.

What comes next? It all depends on what conditions you have and what he is prepared to do. I'm just not getting any sense here that this man is truly sorry and begging for forgiveness and another chance. No sense of his own pain and shame at his actions. He's gone to work today, changed his passwords, refused to move out, taken the trouble to phone the OW from a phone box to evade detection and talked to you a bit tonight and then has presumably gone off to bed again.

That just doesn't sound like the actions of a man who is sorry and would do anything to put things right. This is bloody hard even if the unfaithful person is a sobbing, contrite wreck who would give anything to repair the damage and atone for their actions. I think it would be an impossible task if there are no positive actions, just empty words -and everyday life is just business as usual.

Don't short-change yourself love - get some of your anger back and think about what he needs to do now. And honestly, have a healthy scepticism about whether this relationship is really over, because his behaviour has got a continuing affair written all over it, I'm sorry to say. Sad

whereisthelove · 30/03/2011 06:19

Oh whenwillIforgive - all you've just said is so true. I don't think he is sorry. The only time he has said it is two seconds ago. I was sat sobbing and he came up to me and said sorry. That's the first time he has said it and if I am honest I am not 100% sure he meant it.

I don't even know what I want him to do to make things right. I just don't know. The last 6 months have just been a web of deceit and lies. I am really confused and :(

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 30/03/2011 06:35

You poor thing, whereis, I feel for you. I'm really glad WhenWill is talking to you, because it's her advice you need right now.

For now, just take your time. You've had a hell of a shock, and please don't let him pressure you into deciding once and for all what you're going to do. It's perfectly okay to want some time to think about it, and it's perfectly okay to change your mind later if you decide that you want more.

If nothing else, I'd be asking him to leave for a while so you can think clearly. He's known about this for a long time, and you've just found out. If he cares for you at all, if he's remotely interested in your feelings and not just how it reflects on him, he'll grant you that space.

Hengameh · 30/03/2011 06:45

Another person who is glad that WWIFN is talking to you.

My (D)H had an affair and did all the stuff you are decsribing. The deceit, the passing of blame, the lies ... the lot. Whatever you do please do not compromise anything in order to stay married. It's not worth it. Either stay married because there is an authentic genuine desire to fix this from him or leave. He has far more to lose from divorce than you < I hope he's reading this.

countingto10 · 30/03/2011 07:05

At the point of discovery my DH acted like he was the prize to be won - god the arrogance of the man Hmm. I reminded him in no uncertain terms that I was indeed the prize to be won and to start trying to win it Angry.

It may help you to ask him to leave and give you some space, he may indeed go to OW but from yesteday with the call from the phone box, you have no control over that, only he can control his behaviour. This was pointed out to me by our counsellor. My DH stayed with his parents for 3/4 months (with his mum bending his ear Grin).

I don't think your H "gets it" yet Sad

whereisthelove · 30/03/2011 07:30

yes countingto10 he doesn't get it!

I have just sent him a text (is off to work) basically saying I need answers. I need to know what he is going to do to put things right and earn my forgiveness. He needs to think about what he has done and what he stands to loose. I told him that it is his actions that have destroyed this marriage and it will be his actions that will help save it. If he doesn't have these answers then he needs to go to his mums for a bit to think it over.

I did mention the lack of remorse last night - but you know what I haven't got a clue what he said. Maybe tiredness is getting to me now.

OP posts:
whereisthelove · 30/03/2011 07:51

Also, should I say anything to my DD's (they are 3 and 5). At the moment I am putting on a brave face but the cracks are starting to show and they must sense something. My 3yr old asked me why I was crying and I just said I was sad. She asked why I was sad and I said "just because"! Didn't know what to say to her.

OP posts:
Hengameh · 30/03/2011 07:56

Sometimes mummies and daddies fight just like you and 'sibling' do. It has made me sad?

I tried to hide stuff from my DC. I would have said at the time that I was successful They are old enough to tell me otherwise now and I think honesty is best without detail/severity or blame.

If you hide this event from the world you will fail to really see it yourself. Exposing it to others will make it a lot clearer to both you and your (D)H who otherwise has only the script in his head which blames you (for daring to focus on your DC!)

whereisthelove · 30/03/2011 09:42

I am so raging. We had to swap cars as I need to take H's into garage. As I got in I just suddenly thought this is the car he has been ferrying OW around in. Livid - called him and just shouted a load of abuse at him. Blush Not proud of myself for doing that but I was just so angry.

I think I am going to pack his bags. The only thing I worry about is how do we talk this through if he's not here? I need to think.

OP posts:
WhenwillIfeelnormal · 30/03/2011 10:44

Glad your anger is back, WITL.

The thing is he's not there is he? He keeps going off to work or off to bed. He's avoiding talking about this.

I often think people are short-sighted when they say "kick him out" after an affair discovery, because the reality of the situation is you need to talk through next steps at the very least and if he's left to be pampered by his Mum (the usual bolthole in such instances) it means the woman is left with all the shitwork and caring for the DCs, at a time when she wants to pull the duvet over her head and never wake up. People often under-estimate the physiological symptoms too - the pain in your chest, the contortions in your stomach, the nausea.

That's why a caring partner will offer to leave if it gives you the space you need, but he doesn't flight from the situation because of his own needs. He takes time off work and cares for you as though you were ill. He stays around to answer all the painful questions and puts his own need for sleep/work/a break last.

This is what I mean by your H's actions not being congruent with someone who is sorry and regrets it all.

I always try to bear in mind that in some affairs, there are genuinely strong feelings for the affair partner and if that's the case, an involved partner needs to grieve for the loss of the OW. But that's another reason why I don't think your H has ended this relationship. If he had, he would be grief-stricken and going through a kind of withdrawal period. Yours has just carried on as normal. And I don't think for one minute that he is hiding his grief from you out of any sensitivity.

If you ask him to leave, then get some help. You will find it so hard to cope on your own in the next few days and weeks and you need mothering and nurturing. Don't do this on your own.

If on the other hand you decide to keep him there, then bloody insist that he takes some time off and ask someone else to look after the DCs for a while. Can they go to stay with your parents for a couple of days to give you both some space? I often point out to people that this really is a crisis of epic proportions and I bet you are incredulous that the world is still turning and life appears to be so normal for everyone else while yours has shattered. Treat it like the trauma it is and treat it as an emergency situation that needs special measures, such as your school-age child being off school for a couple of days - and your H off work. Don't try to continue life as normal.

countingto10 · 30/03/2011 10:51

Do you think he has neglected his business whilst conducting the affair ? My DH did. Had to spend the next six months turning it around.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 30/03/2011 10:57

I'm sure you're right Counting. If our OP also saw all his time sheets and invoices, it sounds like he has been defrauding his clients as well as his wife Angry

But that's the point isn't it? He was happy to neglect his business for the OW, but won't neglect it this week when allegedly, his whole world and future has collapsed...what a mixed-up set of priorities that is.

countingto10 · 30/03/2011 11:25

That's what I said to my DH, he never had time to go to lunch with me (always an important job to do) but managed every day with OW when he was with her for those six weeks Angry - it's about what they weren't giving again.

He can find time for you OP as he managed to find it for OW .....

whereisthelove · 30/03/2011 12:21

Thanks whenwillifeelnormal & countingto10. All his meetings with the OW were at times he told me he was entertaining clients or going out with work colleagues. So they were non-chargeable. Or he met her at weekends when he told me he was going to various friends' birthday parties.

His work probably has slacked because of it though. We are a small company and there is a lot to do behind the scenes so he wasn't around to help out and really focus on driving the company forward. (we have only been trading 2 yrs)

Now I know I will sound like I am defending him but he needs to be out earning money at the moment. We've been let down with some money coming in so financially we are on very rocky ground.

Anyway, I have arranged a session with Relate tonight. I told H that he is welcome to come but it will be up to him to arrange babysitters. As far as I am concerned I am going to get some help regardless of if he is here or not. I have said that whatever the case he will HAVE to finish work early.

I don't know if he had strong feelings for OW. He is bound to have some feelings for her but when he had his conversation with her last night he did tell her their relationship was just a bit of fun. .......now that is really annoying....a bit of fun that has ruined our marriage doesn't sound like much fun from where I am sitting! Angry

OP posts:
WhenwillIfeelnormal · 30/03/2011 12:54

Hmmm.. I'm glad you've got a Relate appointment this quickly. I really hope that the therapist you eventually get (might not be the one you see tonight) will focus on your H's individual vulnerability to infidelity primarily and will take a more holistic approach to it, than just pursuing the relational difficulties. I hope you've come away from the script with which you began this thread, because that is so important. I so hope you aren't still buying this nonsense about neglect and lack of attention and can see that your marriage was no different to loads of others with very young children. After all, I'm sure you didn't feel adored and that your every need was being met, but you reasoned that this was life right now and it would soon pass as the children's needs receded somewhat. You didn't have an affair, did you?

Something jumped out at me from your last post. You thought he was going to friends' birthday parties? Whose friends - his alone or your joint friends? Were you in the habit of going to friends' parties without him then? How much leisure time have you been getting, while he looked after the DCs? I know he lied about attending these parties, but this was obviously a permissable activity in your relationship and I wondered why and whether it was equitable?

I can imagine your "bit of fun" rage, but try to find out what this really means.

I will say up front that I wonder whether that is a lie they have settled on themselves, to tell you, in order to hide their ongoing affair. His actions on the run-up to this don't support this statement at all. A bit of fun doesn't usually cause someone to want out of their marriage, or tell his wife that he's no longer in love with her. I really think you need to hear more about what precipitated this unburdening he dropped in your lap a few days ago.

I have heard this "bit of fun" comment in two scenarios.

The first is when someone has always had a discourse that affairs and flings are permissible, as long as you don't get caught or fall in love. This is why people who are perfectly happy in their relationships are able to condone philandering or serial infidelity - it is regarded as a relatively harmless enterprise as long as "everyone knows the score". Er.....except the deceived partner, of course......

The other scenario is the type of affair where it is an escape mechanism - not necessarily from the marital relationship, but from life and its stresses. A form of self-medication and escapist fantasy. While the involved partner might care for the affair partner's feelings and doesn't want to cause her harm, his feelings for her never go beyond infatuation and the most powerful feelings are about the enterprise of an affair itself and the positive strokes and ego-boosts it is giving the man. Usually however, the man is pretending to have much deeper feelings for the OW than he has and he does this to keep the affair going.

I really think it would be helpful to focus on the facts here and see where what he is telling you doesn't fit.

This affair has been going on for 9 months, not 6.
He cares about her illness and has been supporting her through this.
He felt so strongly about her that he told you he was unhappy with you several times and only a few days ago, that he was no longer in love with you.
He cared about the OW's feelings so much that he went to a call-box yesterday, yet last night he told her that she was "just a bit of fun".

I can imagine your hatred of her right now, but hard as it is, have a think about this difficult question:

How do you really feel about him telling a woman he's had a 9 month relationship with and who has cancer, that she was "just a bit of fun"?

Most of all, does that fit with what you know about his treatment of women and his character?

maandpa · 30/03/2011 15:02

whereisthelove my H said that the OW was "nothing, just an aside". This was a lie, to make it seem like what he had been doing wasn't that serious.

When in fact she was a colleague that he had been working with for 4 years. He really liked her. They had a close working relationship, I'd frequently told him it wasn't appropriate. She is/was intelligent and charming and kind, and he thought very highly of her. She had always contacted him on fb and txts outside work, which in the distant past he tried to keep to a minimum.

I also, thought, blimey I bet she would hate to hear that you've called her nothing and an aside!

It was also a fib, because he really struggled with the no contact bit. He was awful once he attempted to sever contact. He really missed her "friendship" and support, and their relationship. It was hard to see him grieving for her and missing her. But after a few weeks he did manage to turn things around, and I noticed a big difference in him, he had managed to get by without the relationship, by focussing on me and the dcs.

I wonder if what he has said is just a defense mechanism, or damage limitation, because he is very scared after being found out. Even though it is a nasty thing to say.

Good luck at Relate. Even just being listened to helps.

Hope you manage to have more talks with your H. Through talking you can make sense of what has happened, and why he had done this.

I think I may have missed. How long have you been together? and how long married?

whereisthelove · 30/03/2011 17:39

maandpa - Thanks for your comments. We've been together 15 years and married 7 years. I met him when he was 18 and I was 21.

whenwillIfeelnormal - You speak so much sense and you're completely opening my eyes. Thank you. With regard to the "bit of fun" scenarios, I think the 2nd scenario is probably very very likely. Your last comment about "How do you really feel about him telling a woman he's had a 9 month relationship with and who has cancer, that she was "just a bit of fun"? is really interesting and has actually made my stomach lurch. This wouldn't be his style but then again I don't know him anymore. :(

OP posts:
whereisthelove · 30/03/2011 17:39

oops sorry my italics didn't quite work!

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 30/03/2011 18:20

he is telling you the kind of man he really is, isn't he ?

not a good one

sufficient · 30/03/2011 18:28

OMG whereisthelove, I've only just seen this thread. Just a quick post to bookmark but will def be following, was in your situation in November, v v similar :( so, so sorry xx

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 30/03/2011 18:52

Suff glad to see you've arrived on this thread. I think your testimony is going to be hugely helpful to our OP.

LightsOnComeOnIn · 30/03/2011 19:44

Just wanted to offer my support to you WITL, it's an awful situation to be in, feelings can't be switched off over night, WWIFN speaks so much sense xx