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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Regaining love?

253 replies

whereisthelove · 27/03/2011 14:03

My DH has dropped me a bombshell - "I love you but I am not IN love with you". I'm devastated and don't know what to do.

We've had a rocky 18months. After the birth of DC3 I was just very child focused and haven't paid my DH enough attention and affection. I think I've just been emotionally drained looking after 3 little ones. Anyway, he has been feeling very angry about it and hasn't really expressed it up until now.

I have recently felt like I've turned a corner and feel like I've got some of me back as DC3 is now that bit older but I think it's too late. My DH hasn't said he loves me for weeks and that is what brought on the conversation last night.

I really don't know what to do. Is it possible for me to make him fall in love with me all over again?

I feel like someone has literally punched me in the stomach and torn my world apart. I've just been so withdrawn today and know I need to snap myself out of it as it's doing me no favours. But I'm so so sad :(

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 29/03/2011 08:32

I am so sorry x

memorylapse · 29/03/2011 10:16

WITL..Im so sorry Sad. I think you need to ask him to leave for a little while to give you some space.it may also give him a good oppurtunity to realise what he stands to lose. Then if he says he wants to try again, he HAS to sever all ties with her, be open with phones, emails etc, you need to regain your trust in him and he will have to be seen to work damn hard to get that trust back.

Mumfun · 29/03/2011 10:25

Im really sorry -the pain is awful. A lot of us have been there. Its good you have your parents support. Could you talk to a local friend or relative for more support. You really need to be cared for and looked after at this moment -and to get away from him.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 29/03/2011 12:13

Your H has gone to work and avoided the crisis, just as he avoided it last night and went to bed. He has lied to you over and over again and instead of staying to face the storm, he has changed his passwords and introduced even more secrecy.

This relationship is certainly not over with the OW. That is another lie.

I detest that he has seen this thread and read about all the blame you were putting on yourself for him falling out of love with you. I really, really want you to see that all those conversations you had with him ages ago about his "unhappiness" were all about setting you up to fail. It's astonishing how frequently this happens. I would be amazed if any of these conversations occurred before he had first contact with the OW and if you think back, I bet none of those conversations included what he would be doing to bring the intimacy and nurturing back into your relationship.

You have been given an utterly false script and unfortunately, because women are consistently fed this nonsense about men's needs and what will happen if we neglect them, you have been turning the screw inwards and berating yourself for being a nurturing mother who as a grown-up, suppressed her own needs in favour of her infants.

And your H has turned this horrible mantra and societal discourse against you, no doubt telling his idiot OW that his wife is child-obsessed, doesn't want sex and fails to give him enough attention and adoration.

I really want you to concentrate with all your muster on what you haven't been getting from your H, because the biggest myth is that affairs happen when someone hasn't been getting enough from their relationship. The truth is that this happened because he stopped giving to your relationship.

Now sometimes that lack of investment occurs before meeting an affair partner and if that was the case for your H. then he wouldn't have needed a very long permission-giving phase before he consented to an affair. However, in many cases, that under-investment is caused entirely by the prospect of an affair. Think back to when you last felt he was giving his all to this relationship and try to get at least one factual detail from this lying man - when he made first contact with this woman - not when the affair actually started.

This is terribly important, because if you've seen my other posts, you will know that I say there are two whole phases before a physical affair starts. The quicker the phases of mirroring/friendship and permission-giving, the more detached a person is before they move into the affair phase.

Above all, stop blaming yourself for any of this. Halt that false script now. I am relieved your anger has kicked in, it will serve you very well.

In practical terms, unless he starts telling the truth, confronting this and removing secrecy, I would insist that he leaves, but please get some RL help lined up, because it is totally unfair that you will be left with all the shitwork, especially when you are this traumatised and feel like you've been hit by a bus.

BalloonSlayer · 29/03/2011 12:20

So sorry WITL Sad

What a skidmark.

I agree he needs to leave for a bit. As for "my husband says he's not going anywhere because of the DC" - my response would be that his responsibility for the DCs did not stop him making a decision to potentially wreck his family through infidelity, therefore it's a bit late to try to claim the "Good Father Moral High Ground" now.

Will be thinking of you.

whereisthelove · 29/03/2011 12:50

Thank you feelnormal. There is a lot there to take on board. I am just having phases of being really really angry and then the next minute I'm upset again.

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 29/03/2011 12:53

He tried to make you blame yourself. What a fucking coward.

I'm so sorry this thread has turned out the way it has OP.

countingto10 · 29/03/2011 13:04

I think WITL that at the very least if he wants to save the marriage, ALL contact with OW has to cease immediately and he has to become an open book - in the words of Dr Phil, "A person with nothing to hide, hides nothing" Wink. Another saying he has regarding infidelity is "You are either 100% in the marriage or 100% out", there is no in between.

Your H needs a no nonsense therapist who will spell it out to him, my DH's therapist took no prisoners Grin.

It is very early days and your emotions will swing from one extreme to the other - I actually punched by DH Blush, I had never known rage like it. It wasn't so much for me, but lack of thoughts towards the DC and family. He left for OW 2 weeks before DS1 took his GSCEs (which he didn't do as well as expected Sad) - another thing I find hard to forgive. Total, total selfishness - I want therefore I shall have Angry.

whereisthelove · 29/03/2011 13:30

I've made him tell me his passwords. Never guess what he named one - affairtoremember - Talk about insensitive and rubbing it in. He said he wasn't thinking straight. Hmm Believe him? - NO!

Right at this moment I don't think I will ever believe another word out of his mouth. I've asked if she\he made contact today. He said no. So checking e-mails and stuff but know that this is fruitless as he would have deleted them. I could scream!

Countingto10 - I know what you mean about punching him. I could do the same. Unfortunately, my glasses and cups got it instead and I know have lovely indentations into the wall.

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 29/03/2011 13:46

'Affairtoremember'??!!.

Prick.

MickeyO · 29/03/2011 14:26

Hi Whereisthelove,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. My first little one is 12 weeks on Friday and we have been together for 10 years. It can be difficult for men, who have previoulsy had lots of attention from their wives, after children arrive on the scene. My husband and I were recently given a book as a gift from my mum. It's called Baby proofing your marriage.
It has real accounts from parents who have been there, done that and burnt the T-shirt :). It has practical advice on how to get through it and also how to achieve greater marital harmony. It is funny and witty and my husband can't put the book down. I haven't had a chance to read it yet but there is a real difference in our relationship already.

I say get the book, it ain't going to break the bank and may just turn things around :)
This page has reviews about the book. www.babyproofingyourmarriage.com/reviews/

From where I stand, it sounds like your relationship has a fighting chance. Your husband sounds like he is struggling to adapt. While you feel neglected too, you just haven't voiced it in the same way. Words can sometimes be painful we don't always voice our emotions correctly, causing miscommunication and unintended pain.

While it's going to take both of you to work on the relationship, it takes one to start the ball rolling. He has presented you with a problem but you can be part of the solution :)

What I would do is to make a date with my husband and invite him for a romantic meal at home a few days in advance :). I'd try to get the kids to bed in good time so the two of us could have time to have dinner together one evening. I'd also ask him to help out so this is possible.

Over dinner, I'd tell him how important he is to me and that I really don't want to loose him. I'd let him know that based on what he said, I realise that adapting to our new situation must be really difficult for him and that it is difficult for me too. I'd tell him that I'd like to work on the relationship and make it exciting again if he was willing to work on it with me. I'd present the book (all wrapped up in in gift wrap) as a little gift to us. I'd offer him time to think about it and to get back to me. I'd also suggest that we have another date the following week as a follow up.

Whereisthelove, I hope my advice is helpful and that you don't find it too presumptuous of me to offer you advice on how to go about trying to sort it out. I feel for you and your circumstances and having been in similar circumstances before, I know how messed up things can get especially when you have nobody to talk to. Take what you wish from my post and discard what is not useful to you. I wish you every success and I believe you can and will get through this.

All the best,
MickeyO :)

madonnawhore · 29/03/2011 14:33

MickeyO did you read the whole thread? OP's H has been having an affair for at least 6 months.

MickeyO · 29/03/2011 14:39

I am so sorry whereisthelove, I never saw the other messages that said he had an affair. He needs to be completely honest if you guys are ever to repair this relationship. Betrayal has no good excuses not even cancer. If he really loves you and wants this realtionship he has to work really hard to fix your heart. All the best my dear.

MickeyO · 29/03/2011 14:40

Thanks Madonna just wrote my last thread as you posted. I saw...it's awful!

maandpa · 29/03/2011 15:08

Hello whereisthelove

I did post on my H's facebook Wink, after discovering, and then him going to bed [sceptical]

Make it clear, that if he has any chance of staying with you and his dcs he must cut all contact with OW.

Also, you may want to ask him to leave, to give you space and so he can miss what a comfortable life he had.

Start telling people what has happened.

He must tell you all his passwords for email, facebook etc from now on.

My H also lied and minimised what they had been up to. And I kept catching him out.

I was in shock for about 2 months.

Hope you are ok.

I hope he comes to his senses soon.

Love M&P

whereisthelove · 29/03/2011 15:37

Hi Maandpa -not sure what you mean you posted on H's facebook. Do I know you in RL?
Anyway, he has given me all his passwords. I will check with him when he gets home that there are no other e-mail addresses he uses. Apparently, it was all conducted via e-mail.

OP posts:
whereisthelove · 29/03/2011 15:44

Sorry I meant it was al conducted by text.

OP posts:
maandpa · 29/03/2011 16:55

Sorry whereisthelove!!! I meant that, like you I was tempted to put something revengeful on my DH's facebook page. And I gave into the temptation Blush

This was just after I made the discovery. All v embarrassing, I wouldn't advise doing it!!!

Anyway, I don't think I do know you in RL, I'm in the North West, on the coast.

Do hope you are going to be able to talk to him tonight.

whereisthelove · 29/03/2011 18:00

Oh sorry maandpa i get you now! :) Well I did do it to except he found it before everyone started getting up for the day! That's why he changed all his passwords. I don't think i would have been embarrased - it's him that should be embarrassed.

OP posts:
Stac2011 · 29/03/2011 21:07

witl how are you? Silly question i know. Has H had the decency to sit down with you?

whereisthelove · 29/03/2011 22:45

Stac2011 - I'm OK but I am not sure what to do next. We had a good talk tonight - better than we've had in months. He gave me the details of the affair which I wanted to hear. I think every overnight "work trip" was basically a trip to see her. I told him that he had to now be completely open and honest and that getting the trust back would take time. I also made him call her in front of me and say it was over and that she was not to contact him as he wants to work at his marriage. She said she thought that would be the case.

That's it really - but now I'm feeling a bit lost on what we do next. I don't think I will ever forget this. But how do I start trusting him again. I asked if she contacted him today and he said yes but out of habit he still deleted the message and then used a public phone to call her today as he knew I was looking at his mobile calls. I told him that had to stop and that he has to be totally honest with me and I think that eventually sank in.

What should the next step be?

OP posts:
Icandothis · 29/03/2011 23:05

Just wanted to say hello and that I'm thinking of you. I'm sorry to say that I'm not the best person to advise you at the moment as I am still in the thro's of it myself but wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts. I know its so so difficult but try and put it in a locked box and get some sleep as its so important for your children.

Your doing really well. Don't make any quick decisions. This will take time to become reality. You are still in shock.

whereisthelove · 29/03/2011 23:14

WhenwillIfeelNormal I just wanted to say that I re-read your post and in light of the extra information I have today you are absolutely spot on. He was saying that he had the first big talk before he met her. But going by my dates it was after he had slept with her. Like you said all the onus was on me to change my behaviour. I am not entirely sure of what you mean by permission-giving phase but I think you are correct that he had lost interest before he met the OW. Then it was all fairly quick. Met her one night - then he came home. Then when he met up with her again that's when they slept together. So I assume that is a short permission-giving phase? Confused

OP posts:
WhenwillIfeelnormal · 29/03/2011 23:34

Whereisthelove I'm going to PM something that will hopefully help more lightbulbs to come on and you can cross-match it with the dates you've been given. Before I do that though, can you let me know what you mean by he met her one night - did he sleep with her the first night he had any contact with her whatsoever?

As you will see from what I send you, these conversations always happen after the affair is underway in some format or other and the purpose of them is not to improve the relationship - it's to set you up to fail, because by that time the person initiating the conversation intends to (or is already) sabotaging the relationship and knows full well that it will get worse. This happens to strengthen the justification for the affair, as a means of counter-attack to mask their peculiar distanced behaviour and in the worst cases, to "bank" this conversation so that when the person leaves, he can say that he told his spouse about his unhappiness and still nothing changed Hmm. It's a horribly manipulative behaviour, but surprisingly common in affairs.

In terms of what happens next, think about what you want, first and foremost. Work out why you want to stay in this marriage and start a path to forgiveness. It's not for the faint-hearted I assure you and never works if you are staying for reasons other than love. Be slow to coming to any decisions too. The most you can offer is that you will try to forgive, but most of the work has got to be done by him, because in actuality, you might never forgive it in its entirety - just aspects of it.

Order Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass and don't go near any other affair recovery book - it really is the best. In the interim here is the introduction to the book and her site and I think you'll find it especially helpful right now, especially the acknowledgement that you are in a state of post-traumatic shock.

What is he saying he wants though? Only a couple of days ago he was saying he wasn't in love with you. That suggests his attachment to this woman was strong. Can he detach from her this easily and re-attach to you? I'm sceptical about that and also whether this relationship has really been severed today.

whereisthelove · 29/03/2011 23:45

WhenwillIfeelnormal he met her when working away from home and he took her number. When he was next back in the area (about a week or so later) he slept with her.

He says he wants to work through it. He keeps saying that although he's not IN love with me he does love me and that is why he is still here. Not sure I totally understand that.

I've just ordered "How Can I Ever Trust You Again?" as the synoposis seemed quite relevant. I did take a look at the other one but wasn't sure if that was more geared to a friendship turning into a relationship rather than just someone you've met in a bar.

OP posts:
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