I've just recently found out about DH infidelity, and it has been bloody hard. We were having issues and something was niggling me, but he denied any involvement.....I did some detective work, and found out he'd been away for a weekend with OW....ouch......
He apparently only kissed her - and it just didn't feel right. I think he had to see if he could actually do it, and to spend some time away with her to see if there was anything there. He said he just needed to escape, as he'd been in a mess about us, and he didn't think things through.
He'd let me believe that it was a woman who he worked with that has now rellocated to another country - of course, it came out on Tuesday that it wasn't her, it was some random woman he'd met down the pub - he works away.
He is up for trying to sort us out - we have started Relate, and he has changed his working patterns, so that he is never away over night. He has basically gone against all of his life beliefs in doing what he did, and it's confused him so much.
I have asked him for honesty from the start and he has struggled with that, and is now starting to see how it bites him on the arse! He sees the infidelity as a sign that he was unhappy and wants to address those reasons in counselling - he is sorry, but I think his guilt and shame as at times stopped him from seeing how I need the truth, no matter how painful, to be able to move on.
In all of this, he doubted his love for me - and he is now starting to see that he does love me, but we had lost some vital connection. I can see that our relationship, and it's difficulties, have led to this mess in some way.
I don't blame me at all - I do think he had no-one to talk about in all of this and acted irrationally, and I can see how I could have got myself in the same situation (I never have though!). Everyone has the capacity to make a huge mistake - I guess it's what you do with it that counts.
I love him, and I am prepared to try to work through things to see how we can re-build our marriage. I hate the fact that he has lied -countless times - bit in some ways, by doing what he did, I think he started to see what he could lose.
How I will ever trust him again remains to be seen........but I haven't lost hope. I just hope that he doesn't drop any momentous clangers 3 months down the line, as that would be disastrous.