Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Recovery after an affair

352 replies

sheba2288 · 24/03/2011 09:55

After taking huge adviceand comfort, and despite Robberbutton's change in situation, I know there are a couple of us 'survivors' out there. So this is a thread in which I hope we can help survive together.

Brief background on my situ - been with H for 20plus years, married with 2 DCs. H had affair with work colleague last year. I discovered last July. Had a rough summer/autumn, 2 close relatives' deaths added to our turmoil.

Since this Feb, there has been a turning point (thanks to MN advice), and things are starting to be a lot more positive. However.... I am often felt let down and hurt. When does it all go away????

OP posts:
Gwinkofchocolate · 05/05/2011 18:05

Hi Beagle. So sorry to hear your story, but you have come to a great place for advice. Finding this thread and hearing my own thoughts echoed in the posts of others was a great relief. Whenwillifeelnormal (WWIFN) has been a fantastic help to me and numerous others (i'm certain). Be sure to take her up on her offer of personal support.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 05/05/2011 21:45

Beaglebabe it occurred that as a new user, you might not know yet how to use the PM (private message) facility, so I've PMd you. Log in and check your in-box. Happy to help in any way I can.

seachange · 06/05/2011 07:56

BeagleBabe, I'm so sorry. My H said similar things, about how much he loved and missed OW, how I had got everything and she had been left with nothing Hmm After discovery he secretly carried on seeing her for 4 months :( It was only when I chucked him out, and like counting's DH he went to live with OW, that the full realisation of what he had done and what he had to lose hit him.

I cannot recommend strongly enough kicking his arse out until he stops spouting all this BS, but understand you are probably in no state to do that yet. Check everything though, and keep posting on here, either here or on your own thread.

Good luck. I hope you're ok xx

seachange · 06/05/2011 08:04

Oh, also I agree with people's assessment of the OW's "beauty" - it counts for nothing when inside she is the ugliest person imaginable, capable of deceit, manipulation, betrayal and selfishness on a huge scale. The trouble is, so is your H, and no one minds very much what they see in a mirror.

twostraightlines · 06/05/2011 08:29

I agree that asking him to leave is the quickest route to a lightbulb moment for him and it has the bonus of sparing you all the pining he is going through for the OW as well as giving you the space you need to think this through.

But I can appreciate that it is hard to do that when he has already said he wants to say. It was easier for me to tell my H to go, because he appeared to be saying that he was going to shack up with her anyway, but he was still very shocked which didn't make sense to me at the time. Maybe he was half-way to realising he didn't in fact want that life. Less than 2 weeks later he called to say he wanted to come home, but I didn't let him move back in for 2 months and even that was a bit soon, with hindsight.

Hope you are ok.

twostraightlines · 06/05/2011 08:40

wants to stay I meant

LawrieMarlow · 06/05/2011 09:21

As long as no one minds I will stay around here (H has now been living on his own for just over two weeks).

In retrospect i should have got him to go much sooner I think. Found out late November but felt we were getting somewhere until about February. In the end he made the overall decision to go around middle of March but took a while for him to find house where DC could stay etc.

Am OK and in some ways easier having him not here. Helps that the children (7 and 5) are coping fine. Just accepting that Daddy has another house now. I am a bit fed up with the applying for benefits thing (tax credits great - housing benefit have lost one of my forms...) but am getting there.

Is also interesting discovering H is actually starting to organise himself (thing that did annoy me). It does help that OW is hundreds of miles away - if he had moved in with her I would probably feel a bit different.

Am waffling on I feel Grin. but I was scared of life once he left and it is all right. And am not talk of the playground (another irrational worry Blush)

abedelia · 06/05/2011 10:26

Beaglebabe - another vote for asking him to leave, I'm afraid. My H said himself that this was the turning point for him - where he could no longer indulge his idea of somehow not losing his family but also managing to keep contact with her and all the desperate adoring emails from her going that gave him a high. He was a romantic idiot too, who'd told himself he'd met the love of his life to justify a very out of character affair. We had one of the strongest marriages of any of our friends before this, but she had previous form, flirted with him for 3 years and eventually, at a big turning point in our lives, he decided to reciprocate.

Anyway, after two or three weeks of him coming and going but still emailing her (he was realising finally that she'd created a character for him that was his ideal woman - same likes and interests - but it was a pack of lies so his excuse was that he wanted the truth. Of course she lied her arse off to cover for it, and inflated the 'I'll love you forever, I've never met anyone like you' lines hoping he wouldn't notice) I told him I'd had enough, I was moving on because he clearly wouldn't, and that I'd be seeing a solicitor regarding money and setting access in stone. Then I put all his stuff in bin bags, drove it to his mate's house (where he was living on a very uncomfy sofa in a damp cottage, ha ha) and went home and rearranged all the furniture so the house was mine. It does make you feel you are taking power back, (and you are), but also gives them the most enormous wake-up call. Seeing his children for two hours a day was awful for him, and I made a policy that I wouldn't even come to the door when he dropped off or collected them. Cutting myself off from him and his nonsense gave me space to think of what I wanted and needed if I was to move forward with him, and a taste of life without him, which wasn't as bad as my initial shock would have me believe.

Another point - at this stage you still cannot trust what he is saying. He is a liar, and has been proved as selfish as they come. Now is his chance to win you back with actions as well as words, not believe he is the great man with two women fighting over him. He can go to hell, or claim his dodgy prize! The fact he hasn't run to her suggests reality is peeping into his bubble and he is realising she is godawful. You will not be bereft forever if he goes - you will recover. In fact, moving on with him is the harder path, and it will get harder still if things continue as they are. He needs to either look for another job or tell management they can't work together for the sake of his marriage. Also, I'd suggest at least telling close family or a few trusted friends so he has to face up to what he has done in public. That will take the illicit thrill out of it all very quickly.

As for recovery - the worst part of recovering is coming to terms (I do not do forgiveness - I never will forgive it) with their behaviour towards you both during and after the affair is discovered. After things settle down and the threat goes away, you will realise this and that is when things get really, really hard. What he is doing now, mooning around and declaring love for her not you is unforgivable and memories of this will intrude on your future happiness for a long time, so consider asking him to leave so you do not have more to contend with at a later date. Take care of yourself x

sheba2288 · 06/05/2011 12:13

I'm so sorry Beagle that you have joined us. I can only feel glad that I took the courage to start this thread and that some people have found it a source of comfort and mutual understanding.

I'm by no means in a place to advise. It must be so hard for you to see your H 'grieving' for the 'love of his life' - rubbing salt in wounds or what?! I would definitely not been able to stand that.

All I can offer is to try and eat when you can, even if you don't feel like it. The kids will be fine eating whatever is put in front of them. Mine had a month of junk! And try as much as you can to rest. I know I went round in a absolute daze for weeks. Please take care x

OP posts:
seachange · 06/05/2011 14:44

Oh yes, my children spent hours in front of cbeebies while I wailed upstairs! It's for such a relatively short time, please just allow yourself to do the bare minimum and don't feel guilty about it. Your H did this, not you. I told mine the other day how awful I thought it was that he had deprived his DCs not only of their father but also their mother for long stretches of time - there were times I could hardly stand without collapsing.

Unfortunately Beagle you'll find from hearing other stories that there is a script. I could have written parts of abedelia's post word for word. It's both reassuring - believe me, this was NOT the love to end all loves, you cannot even use that term for something so selfish and destructive - but also pathetic, that our H's are so sad and predictable. I hope yours wakes up to the sordid reality of the situation pretty quickly, or else you find the strength and the courage to kick him out.

Did I already tell you to check everything? Phone bills, emails etc, especially while he is being so ambivalent.

seachange · 06/05/2011 18:35

Beaglebabe hope you're ok. Have you started your own thread?

abedelia · 06/05/2011 21:05

Hi Seachange - sad isn't it? Reminds me of another reason to kick him out - as they come to the creeping realisation that this wasn't a great love but an acto fo great selfishness with an absolute twat of a woman, their behaviour gets even worse and they can lash out with self hatred - it's like they're blaming you for failing to stop them. Another reason why I stopped contact at the time. He just didn't want to hear the truth about the dear, innocent woman 'trapped' in an arranged marriage with the only other man she'd ever slept with, even when I gave him the evidence of her previous attempts to chat people up online (she used her own name on chat boards, the numpty). sigh

twostraightlines · 11/05/2011 10:37

Not sure if anyone's still out there, but here goes anyway!

beaglebabe I hope you're ok and getting help from somewhere.

Things have improved with us recently - DH has been closer and far more sensitive to my needs, moods and emotions. It's as if he switched back on to me and our marriage. We had a really good weekend, but on Sunday driving home from a lovely afternoon out I was suddenly hit by a wave of sadness and anger, as if someone had thrown a cloak over me. It was so completely out of the blue and violent that it made me feel sick and shaky. I went to hide in the bathroom when we got home to sob it out, but DH knew something was up and came to find me. To his credit he was great, where in the past he would have clammed up and edged away. I felt tearful all evening, and although I was in some ways cross that this had come to spoil the end of our weekend, he accepted that he to blame for it and didn't change his attitude. This "steadiness" is something I have really needed from him and haven't felt until now - that I can fall apart at times and for it not to cause him to doubt our ability to recover.

There are still plenty of issues rushing around my head, but this feels like progress. Still, I am mindful of the fact that we seem to take 2 steps forward, 1 step back...

abedelia · 11/05/2011 12:36

Don't worry - it is natural and you will find it happening a lot at first, especially when you seem to be getting closer. I think it's your self-preservation reminding you that you should NOT be hurrying to get back on normal terms with someone who has hurt you so much and telling you to be careful. It seems like an eternal cycle of ups and downs at first but it does get easier, provided he continues to support you and understands that it is going to take a damn sight longer than the affair's duration to repair the damage it has done.

everyonebutme · 11/05/2011 14:08

Twostraightlines - I have good and bad times too - it suddenly hits you doesn't it? I have exactly the same feelings as you. And sometimes it comes when you've just had such a great time together. You're lucky that your DH has been so good about it. Wishing you lots of luck and support and to everyone on here. x

twostraightlines · 12/05/2011 17:08

Thank you both. Abedelia - if it takes that long we'll be struggling for years thenSad...

Dh had been pretty rubbish until now, but I'm glad he has seen the light. I still don't trust him, and am unlikely to start being able to until he has sent a crystal clear message to her that she is out of the picture. DH says it is all clear in his mind, but it appears a bit vague in practice.

abedelia · 12/05/2011 18:38

Exactly; you cannot even begin to start healing until she is firmly told her place in his future (ie there isn't one and she is unwelcome to so much as speak to him). If he can't do that then I'm not sure why he is trying with you - he is telling you one thing and doing another (or rather, wimping out and allowing her a window into your relationship still). Can't he see that this is massively disrespectful to you?

He needs to make it crystal clear that he loves YOU and not her, and that she was a mistake who is no longer welcome in his life because it makes you unhappy - and your happiness and making amends for what he did is now his life's mission. You deserve nothing less, and until he shows you with ACTIONS, not just weasel words, that this is how things will be I don't honestly think he deserves any kindnesses.

toomanyeasterbunnies · 02/07/2011 22:31

Just wanted to resurrect this thread.

I'm 3 months on from discovery and we don't seem to be making any progress. We are going to relate and my H seems to be doing everything he should be. It's just me. I just cannot seem to communicate with him. I am so full of anger and hurt but cannot express it to him. Instead it's eating away at me. I cannot sleep and have had a couple of panic attacks. I am drinking way too much in order to make myself feel numb and get some sleep. I am not sure what to do? I do want us to work but cannot help feel very negative and not letting H into how I'm feeling cannot be helping but I just cannot control it. It feels like I've hit this wall where things just don't seem to be getting any better. Has anyone got any advice?

What's making it worse that it's a year tomorrow that he first started sleeping with OW so that is making me :( too.

sheba2288 · 02/07/2011 22:48

Hi TMEB. Very surprised to see this thread again! But how very strange too, as also it is a year exactly that I found out about my H's affair.
Have had a couple of real meltdown moments in the past month or so. Even today I had a wobble. Events that occurred last year seem to be repeating themselves at the moment, but obviously with different endings.
I am still with H. I'm even tempted to put the 'D' in front, but better not tempt fate.
We are both having solo counselling, him more than me. I've found them helpful, but more keen on finding out whether it is affecting H in a positive way. There are still issues regards communication, but I think we are both trying. He is making a big attempt to substantiate for working day, which I feel is a big deal.
I don't offer any practical advice, as I feel I sort of played a waiting game. Really look after yourself, that is m main advice. For a long while I didn't have that trust to help with the kids, I just knew they wanted him to pay more attention. It is slowly working.... X

OP posts:
Scottie87 · 04/07/2011 10:18

4 years today and now 1 month too.
My story is a little different
The first time was before we got married and had children. It was apparently experimentation so I was told. I don't have an OW... I don't ever need to ask what they have that I don't... I know
First time he didn't want to talk, was embaressed, if he ignored it it would go away etc etc He was surprised I didn't have an affair back... I told him I had more respect for myself and that as long as he was telling me the truth ie wasn't gay or bi, didn't enjoy and had no intention to do again... then that would be his one mistake but if he ever did it again I'd leave

Fool

I hadn't reckoned what a difference being married and having 2 DS's would make

He's jumping through hoops, getting counselling, doing all he can to make me stay, feels guilty as hell but if he says sorry one more time i might punch him. He is finally making a huge effort which is the only reason (plus the boys) why I'm still here... he has more to lose than me. I know I can do it on my own, I know I can raise our boys without him in their lives full time, they aren't old enough for it to affect them too badly at the moment being 1 and 3

Doesn't know why he did it (hence the individual counselling) my point is he made a decision to do what he did... lying, secrecy, internet porn, swinging sites, meeting....nasty seedy makes amy skin crawl... and I can't talk to RL about it

the lying is as bad as the actual cheating

He is in all other ways a lovely man but this is... well hmmm

Am I staying with him.... don't know

Aislingorla · 04/07/2011 10:26

So was his second affair 4 years ago or more recent?

Scottie87 · 04/07/2011 10:47

second a month ago
why do they think they can honestly get away with it

Scottie87 · 04/07/2011 10:48

oh yeah.... not thinking with their heads

honey0108 · 11/08/2011 00:17

Has anyone got any advice for me? New on here but been lurking for a while! So so wish I'd known about this site at the time, you girls are such a great support to each other : ) please see my thread [[www.mumsnet.com
how do you forgive and forget? keep falling apart!]]. Thanks in advance : (

Abitwobblynow · 22/05/2012 09:19

Wonderful thread. I really like the fact that it shows that once you are in it, life isn't black and white.