Can't believe I'm typing this. DH and hotel booking

[BrokenTree]

Dh away overnight on business. He was sorting his paperwork this morning and I saw the hotel confirmation. It was:- One Room: Two Adults...... I asked why it said that and he just said "oh must just be the bog-standard booking if you have a double room" or similar words.

Needless to say something rankled and I went to the Hotel website to make a booking and, guess what, you need to click down to confirm the number of guests.... It starts with 1.

Have spent the morning feeling sick, shaky and tearful. This can't be real. It just can't. I am a stupid, smug cow. What my DH be unfaithful?! Don't be ridiculous, etc., etc.

Don't really know what I expect anyone to say just need to get it out there so to speak. It could be an innocent mistake couldn't it?

Agree with water-rat. I booked three nights in the UK when I needed only two. Very easy to make a mistake. Please OP, don't assume he is cheating based on this alone.

I'm with waterrat on this too.

From what you've told us, this is "evidence" of absolutely nothing. The real issue is the underlying one of trust between the two of you. That's what you need to focus on when you next get a chance to have a proper talk with him.

OP, when he offered to come home you should have said 'ok'.

Him being all defensive and indignant would only make me more suspicious.

Don't feel guilty/ashamed of being suspicious. If he got overfriendly with some woman before and your gut is tellig you something then you should listen to that.

I do hope though, that he is innocent. Because sometimes even our gut instincts get it wrong.

Pursue it to your own satisfaction. I'd get a sitter for the kids and go up there.

If you have trust issues because of a previous incident then talk this over with your DH, explain why you are sensitive about it all - but talk to him.

Do not set traps, make fake phonecalls or jump to conculsions. I would go potty if my dp called my assistant fishing for info about me- that, as it happens, is a huge breach of trust!

I have made hotel bookings for me and had confirmation of a family room, because that was what was available. Booking for 1 - must have a minimum of a bed fo one. Hotel assigns a double room - confirms a room for capacity 2 adults.

SURELY if he was messing about he would have kept the hotel confirmation well hidden.

And - sometimes you should go on instinct, and sometimes you should question whether it is your own insecurity. It could be either, equally.

Are women who endure the behaviour of jealous men doig things that set off that man's 'instinct', or are they victims of the man's jealousy?

I very much hope everything is OK, BrokenTree - talk talk talk.

Very sensible post, Blu!

I really think you need to speak ti your DH calmly. It sounds perfectly plausible to me.

I am a senior PA and make hotel bookings very regularly, I also used to be a travel manager for all corporate travel. There are many a marriage that could have ended over some of the errors I have seen!

I will often book my directors a double room for double occupancy as sometimes it's cheaper and I am guaranteed they will not be downgraded to a single room if the hotels sees just one person.

Also, our travel policy states that all hotels are booked on their credit cards and claimed back via expenses.

Nothing about your post screams cheating DH to me but then he's not my DH.

I always book for two adults, because I want a double room and not to be downgraded to a single bed.
I think you're going to need a bit more evidence to convince me he is having an affair. Though instinct is a wonderful thing, this hotel booking isn't that weird. The confusion over whether he or his secretary booked it is a bigger concern, but again not necessarily 'enough'.
Hope you can relax a bit- all that coffee would send me off the deep end!

There's something about your H's attitude about this that is jarring. You said he "got too friendly" with another woman last year and that this was all about his pursuit of her.

That suggests that he was trying to pursue an affair that was only thwarted by the woman herself.

Having put you through that turmoil, someone who was very contrite and sorry, shouldn't be showing irritation at your perfectly normal mistrust. It is entirely understandable, in fact. I also think the offer to come home might be a double bluff, trading on you not wanting to appear paranoid and insecure.

If you feel those things, they are normal given his history and you should not be ashamed of them, or trying to bury them.

Personally, I would call his bluff and ask him to come home.

It also doesn't sound as though you've really got to the bottom of why he was pursuing another woman last year. You need to.

Sorry , i would persue it.
He said it was bog standard booking when that clearly wasnt the case.
The exasperated sigh wouldnt go down well for me either , i dont think thats the way to behave when your partner has a serious concern.
Im a big beleiver in listening to your gut .

I don't like the sound of this at all.

OP - trust your instinct. As WWIFN says, call his bluff and ask him to come home.

Or call the hotel and ask to speak to Mrs Tree and see what happens.

I think the way he is reacting is fishy. Hope I am wrong.

I have to say, I didn't like the "He said he's going to cancel the room and come home tonight if that's what I want."

Of course you are not going to say Yes, Ok then, drive a 100 miles back home and never hear the end of it

OP, If he has booked a room for one person but as Mutt says is telling the hotel that there are 2 for the towels and pillows, would he not have said? If he has genuinely booked it for 2 people knowing it was only him, why get so defensive?

I hope to God you are wrong, really I do. But if he has gone off and booked a hotel for use with a potential or actual OW, then he has pretty much cheated already, in his head, he has given himself permission. You have to establish if there IS anyone on the periphery.

Right now there is nothing you can do either way, you can wait and see the receipt. You can call the hotel the next day or so after his check out and say you are doing his expenses and he has forgotten the receipt somewhere, could they kindly forward a copy of the bill to his home address?

As he does have 'form' if he were innocent, he would understand your concern and call you a silly goose, ruffle your hair and tell you of course he understands why you might worry, but seriously he is not up to anything, and as YOU how can HE prove it to you. So for him to phone and rant at the cheek of you accusing him, aggressively saying I'll cancel it and come home then shall I.... well, let's just say it pricks my ears up.

Thinking of you, try not to worry, let's hope you are being paranoid

Thanks again everyone. Feel really strange - the shaking seems to have gone inwards. DCs (teens) fed and watching something very noisy in the other room while I am trying to be normal and calm. Fighting tears and feeling really on edge tbh.

He called at 6ish from his mobile at the hotel - wanted to know if I was ok now. I said of course I was. He is calling at 10pm to say goodnight as he wants an early night.

The other reason for not coming back today is that he is in London again tomorrow for a Conference so would be daft to come home to go back tomorrow morning. Well that's what he's told me anyway.

I honestly don't know what to do or think.

Will read through posts now, I'm not ignoring anyone just feel I have so much to take in.

Thank you all so much for your time today - you'll never understand how much it means. I can't talk about this in RL as I will worry people too much and then if it turns out to be nothing..... well I'll have brought the whole facade crashing down won't I.

I knew as soon as i started reading the OP it wouldnt be long before a mumsnetter offered to check out the hotel

Hope your OK Brokentree

If you use a mouse with a wheeled scroll-y thing, it's very easy to accidentally move the cursor down the options when you think you've selected it and are then scrolling down the page. I've done that on the Tesco clubcard page, but you have to actually click the mouse to ensure it says 1 not 2.
Is that clear? Probably not.
But it doesn't explain away your gut feeling that something's wrong.

I hope you are wrong I really do. I'm a firm beliver in gut instinct and have had 2 bf cheat on me ci knew both times. Can't explain. It's little things and a knot that won't undo in your stomach. I am keeping fingers crossed for you that it's an error

My DH is often away with work and always has a double room. It's the way business people book.

I would always book a double room, because singles are poky, there is never enough room to do any work in them (I would have to do reports etc and needed desk space or the bed to sprawl on while I worked), I hate sleeping in a single bed, and they are invariably the worst rooms in the hotel. It doesnt cost any more for a double, as I said earlier, most hotels charge for the room, not the number of people.

There's no accident to this booking. Its commonsense to book a room for two people when you are just using it yourself. Its almost always the same price but you get a nice big bed to spread out on and you can use a different towel for each of your limbs. I do it all the time. I really dont think you should worry about it.

If he was having an affair, the chances are that the OW wouldve booked the hotel room in her name and he wouldnt have used his credit card.

I honestly think, that unless you have proof or major doubts over him, that you are being over suspicious.

I agree Kittya.

Also, I would think that the reason he tried to blame it on a computer error was simply because that was quicker to explain, and trying to go into detail of the benefits of PURPOSELY booking a double room may have made the Op suspicious when there was no need to be.

His secretary probably has his card details so that she can book rooms for him, which would be why she booked it.

Questions I'd be asking -

Am I normally a suspicious person, or is this unusual (for me to be so doubtful)?

Is it normal for him to meet with colleagues overnight (who you haven't heard of) for 'networking' purposes? Is this part of his normal pattern or unusual?

If he is so 'meticulous', why the change in story re who booked the ticket.

Would a secretary have access to his personal credit card? Has this happened previously?

He may well be completely innocent, I have to confess, that I am in a very suspicious place right now as my H and I have just split up due to him cheating. BUT, a few things don't ring true here.

Firstly, the argument of 'if he was having an affair, surely he would cover it up better', simply doesn't hold water. If you've followed any of the affair threads on here you will see that men are rubbish at covering their tracks. I found out about my Hs affair because he'd left an email in his 'sent' box that he'd sent to her with train booking details for her to come and visit him.

The bit about him saying 'I'll cancel IF YOU WANT ME TOO'. My H used VERY similar lines on me after the first discovery, but whilst still lying about stuff. It was classic emotional twisting of stuff, 'well, if you don't trust me, I'll have to make a big sacrifice' type stuff.

The bit about the 'early night'. I have emails from when H was with the OW, 'oh I'll say night now as having an early night' type stuff was common.

I was never a suspicious person, but a few months before discovering the affair found myself strangely drawn to the relationships forum, specifically the affair threads. Once I discovered the affair I suddenly 'clicked' with loads of other behaviour (mobile on silent, computer on 'private browse', H staying up till 3am often, H frequently switching screens on his computer if I walked in the room). Is your H doing any of these things?

Sorry, I am probably just a bitter old hag who is seeing everything through 'affair' glasses, but something made me feel compelled to post on this one.

Hope you are ok ((())).

I once actually booked an extra plane ticket (had to specifically scroll down to 2 from default of 1) just out of habit. At least it was just a cheapie RyanAir!

That said, you're suspicious and it seems you can't just talk to him about it. He asked you if you are all right, but you couldn't say , No I'm not, I'm really worried and upset. Which in and of itself isn't great.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.