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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can't believe I'm typing this. DH and hotel booking

182 replies

BrokenTree · 22/03/2011 12:43

Dh away overnight on business. He was sorting his paperwork this morning and I saw the hotel confirmation. It was:- One Room: Two Adults...... I asked why it said that and he just said "oh must just be the bog-standard booking if you have a double room" or similar words.

Needless to say something rankled and I went to the Hotel website to make a booking and, guess what, you need to click down to confirm the number of guests.... It starts with 1.

Have spent the morning feeling sick, shaky and tearful. This can't be real. It just can't. Sad I am a stupid, smug cow. What my DH be unfaithful?! Don't be ridiculous, etc., etc.

Don't really know what I expect anyone to say just need to get it out there so to speak. It could be an innocent mistake couldn't it? Sad

OP posts:
Wamster · 22/03/2011 14:42

Sorry, but I cannot tell you 'not to worry'. I don't think anyone can yet.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is anything much you can do about this any longer.
If he is cheating, then you've put the frighteners on him and it is likely that he is now going to be cautious.

I wish I could think of some devious tips for you here but I cannot.

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 22/03/2011 14:45

I'd get a train up there. But then I'm a bit of a psycho.

Yeah, me too Grin

Fimbo · 22/03/2011 14:46

Do you have dc? Could you get someone to look after them and then phone dh and say something along the lines of pointless having a double room, so have decided to come up and spend the night?

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 22/03/2011 14:47

... or maybe just turn up Fimbo and surprise him?

Original poster
BrokenTree · 22/03/2011 14:47

Well he's just called again this time from his mobile - obviously unhappy that I am doubting him and can't believe that I would think this of him. He said he's going to cancel the room and come home tonight if that's what I want. I said of course not.

I don't know anymore. Sad Am off to take the dog for a drag walk down the lane.

And to those who asked for a bit of background - last year he was overly friendly with a woman where he used to work. On his part not hers I should add. It did seem he couldn't leave her alone. She is lovely and was a friend of us both (haven't seen her for a few months to come of think of it).

OP posts:
Xales · 22/03/2011 14:47

You gut feeling is telling you this for a reason. You have noticed something out of the usual even if you don't realise it.

Just think back over the last few months. What has been different? More attentive, less attentive, phone attachment, innocuous comments about someone/something, a new like, food, music? There is something there that is making you think this.

Now you are pretty much sure he has changed his story too.

Xales · 22/03/2011 14:49

Oh go and have a look at Solost's thread. Her husband asked her to come away even though she couldn't and then blamed her for his affair.

Would you have honestly said no come home to your H and would he know this?

Fimbo · 22/03/2011 14:49

I wonder if you could phone the secretary after he has left to go to the meeting and ask which hotel she booked him in as your mobile is dead and you/dc want to speak to him later. You might then be able to find out if she booked it or he did.

notrightnow · 22/03/2011 14:50

BrokenTree, you've raised the issue with him now so you have to talk it through. If you wait until tomorrow you'll both have a miserable night and get even more het up. If he's offered to come home then I'd take him up on that and have a jolly good talk.

You don't need a devious plan or anything else so silly. You just need to talk to him, now that you've brought the subject up.

Good luck.

saysithowitis · 22/03/2011 14:57

where in the country is hotel? maybe someone on MN could help?

JessicaDrew · 22/03/2011 15:02

single rooms are a thing of the past
i think this is being blown out of all proportion

happiestblonde · 22/03/2011 15:09

If it's London I'm free tonight.

crystalglasses · 22/03/2011 15:22

The OP is making too much of this. There will be a simple explanation to do with the standard booking arrangements.

JessicaDrew · 22/03/2011 15:24

agree crystalglasses, it will be crazy to a swat team of mums running round country bursting into bedrooms checking DHs are tucked up in single beds alone Grin

FlorencesMachine · 22/03/2011 15:28

From what you've presented, OP, unless there's some other massive clue that we don't know about, this looks completely innocent.

starfishmummy · 22/03/2011 15:31

Hopefully this is all a simple mistake.

A few years ago DH had to investigate a work colleague who seemed to be claiming for a double room on his expenses. It all turned out to be a mistake due to the way the booking confirmations were printed.

crystalglasses · 22/03/2011 15:33

Starfishmummy - exactly as I said happened to me.

hillyhilly · 22/03/2011 15:40

Looks innocent to me, although instincts are usually worth trusting.
Think you'd end up looking like an utter loon if you or any other mumsnetter turned up.
I think perhaps a calm conversation soon about last year and why that leaves you uncomfortable about this sort of situation would go a lot further to clearing things up than listening to mn

Fimbo · 22/03/2011 15:41

Whenever dh goes away he is always given a double room, just wanted to add that too.

Hope you are ok.

TryingVeryHard · 22/03/2011 15:43

I agree with notrightnow. I would talk to him openly about how this makes me feel and tell him I appreciate his offer and it would be very helpful if he could come home and talk to me. I'd probably apologise for spoiling his "networking" and hope he understands this is important to me.
But that's just me...
And I understand that it may be too late for this now, so just talk to him tomorrow

wonkeydonkies · 22/03/2011 15:43

Ive always had a double room when I have been away on business

maybe he meant sec did the booking but he paid on his credit card rather than company cc

HannahHack · 22/03/2011 15:45

I am a careful and meticulous person and I booked a hotel for work in the wrong city once.

Receptionists always bugger up hotel bookings/receipts. Some of these mistakes get the company extra cash, ie charging for two rather than one.

Don't worry.

CinnabarRed · 22/03/2011 15:59

Wonkeydonkies - was about to post exactly the same thing.

In my firm, we're always provided with double rooms when away on business. Our secretaries book them through a specified, firm approved travel provider, but we have to give the secretaries our credit cards to secure the booking. For some reason the firm approved travel provider always says that there are 2 people in a double room, even when it's just me.

That said, don't ignore your instincts (unless you have a long history of driving loving partners away with jealous and paranoid behaviour!). I just don't think you can read anything into this particular incident.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 22/03/2011 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waterrat · 22/03/2011 16:12

I think the MN jury is getting a bit out of control here - he may well be up to no good but this is certainly not evidence of infidelity. Of course it could be a mistake - and I think that the wider issue of why you dont trust him is what you need to address.

Life is full of things like this - thats why we have to trust our partners. I know what its like to feel you are going mad with suspicion, ive had it myself. But in the end, you cannot watch your partner every minute of every day - so this kind of micro analysis of what is doing is not the answer.

If you dont trust him after the incident, you need to sit with him and explain that the trust simply isn't back - have you had counselling together?

In your heart, do you trust this man?