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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can't believe I'm typing this. DH and hotel booking

182 replies

BrokenTree · 22/03/2011 12:43

Dh away overnight on business. He was sorting his paperwork this morning and I saw the hotel confirmation. It was:- One Room: Two Adults...... I asked why it said that and he just said "oh must just be the bog-standard booking if you have a double room" or similar words.

Needless to say something rankled and I went to the Hotel website to make a booking and, guess what, you need to click down to confirm the number of guests.... It starts with 1.

Have spent the morning feeling sick, shaky and tearful. This can't be real. It just can't. Sad I am a stupid, smug cow. What my DH be unfaithful?! Don't be ridiculous, etc., etc.

Don't really know what I expect anyone to say just need to get it out there so to speak. It could be an innocent mistake couldn't it? Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
BrokenTree · 22/03/2011 13:42

He's just emailed from work so he's definitely in the office. Hasn't called yet.

It sounds so utterly ridiculous doesn't it but there is just something telling me that this isn't right. I agree SugarPasteFrog re instinct. Just wish I knew what it was trying to tell me exactly. Confused He's not due at the hotel until 5ish I think. He has a meal booked with a colleague this evening, I don't know where. He just doesn't make this sort of mistake though, he's very careful and meticulous. It was the fact that you had to choose on the Hotel website exactly how many people would be in the room. It's default setting was 1 so you had to manually click down to 2.

Checked bank accounts - nothing out of the ordinary. Haven't got access to his credit card on line.

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to calm me down.

OP posts:
loves2cycle · 22/03/2011 13:49

I agree that you need to listen to your instinct - if you had no other reason to feel suspicious you wouldn't worry about this type of little detail, you would be able to brush it off as a mistake in the booking and think no more about it.

You are worried for a reason, you must have other things going on for you as a couple.

I would not say anything to him at all but would be very watchful and see if you find other things that don't add up. like he's having a meal with a colleague - can you call him during the meal (make up an issue that you need to talk to him about) and see if that's genuine. Or text him during the meal asking him to call you from his room after his meal as you want a chat - then chat away and gauge his reactions. If he had someone else there he would be desperate to get off the phone whereas if he seems chatty and in no rush that would be hugely reassuring

Themumsnot · 22/03/2011 13:49

Call the hotel when you know he ought to be out at the meal and ask to speak to Mrs DH. You will know one way or the other then.
Do you know the colleague? If it is someone you know then it is probably aboveboard, he is hardly likely to be taking his mistress out to dinner with a work colleague.

HomeintheSun · 22/03/2011 13:50

Hi Broken Tree
I would say phoning the hotel and asking for Mrs Broken Tree is the way to go if you are really worried. If you asked him about it do you think he would hide anything from you??
It'll probably be one of those slip of the finger things or he wasn't thinking about what he was doing, a friend of mine booked flight tickets in her maiden name even though she'd been married for 2 years and then had to pay 50 euros to change it.

loves2cycle · 22/03/2011 13:52

But would the hotel really say if there was a Mrs.... present or not? I wouldn't have thought so. I think they'd just say they would try the room for you, then if no answer would ask if you want to leave a voicemail message. They wouldn't confirm who was, or was not in the room. Would they?

Iklboo · 22/03/2011 13:57

Some hotels downgrade single occupants who have booked a double room into a single if they overbook or get enquiries for large parties. If it's not a simple 'slip of the finger' he may have put 2 adults to avoid being downgraded to a single before he arrives.

Also, where I work people have to book on their own credit card and claim it back through expenses. It avoids some people booking unnecessarily 'posh' hotels - as it takes 28-35 days to get your expenses paid back.

Kiwinyc · 22/03/2011 13:58

Pointless asking for 'Mrs Broken Tree'. Only one person needs to register when taking a room, there is no requirement for a spouse/partner/floozy to be registered as well and even if only one person registers you often get two room keys automatically.

The only way to know is to travel to the same hotel and spy on your DH. Which as you know is ridiculous and paranoid behaviour.

Rather than getting more suspicious, i'd say 'get a grip'.

whatsallthehullaballoo · 22/03/2011 14:02

Phone the hotel this evening - say 10pm and ask to be put through to mr broken tree hotel room. Then see how he is on the phone or if another woman picks up. I would do this - I couldn't live with the suspicion...

crystalglasses · 22/03/2011 14:05

Don't worry OP, I'm sure it was perfectly innocent because the same has happened to me when booking overnight hotel accommodation when I've been away on business.
What happens is that the hotel room sleeps two people for the same price and even though the reservation is for one (named) person the hotel always says room booking is for two. The first time this hapened to me I checked it out very carefully because I didn't want my company querying my expenses submission.

Proud2bFeminine · 22/03/2011 14:07

How far away is the hotel ?

I'd be sorely tempted to get a friend there that he wouldn't recognise to see the real truth. The fact you say he is so meticulous rings alarm bells.

laughalot · 22/03/2011 14:07

It is sometimes cheaper to book a room and say there is two guests rather than paying for one.

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 22/03/2011 14:11

I would be very suspicious. Sorry. How far away is he? Could you offer to go with him?

FourFortyFour · 22/03/2011 14:14

The trouble with waiting and seeing is it is too late if they then shag. If they haven't shagged yet and plan to tonight then you could stop it.

Could you ring as his secretary and ask how many people they are expecting? ie not the same as what size bed booked.

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 22/03/2011 14:15

You could always ring as his secretary and have his booking changed to a single room. Any woman he took back there would think he was a cheapskate and would probably leave Grin

TobyLerone · 22/03/2011 14:17

"If they haven't shagged yet and plan to tonight then you could stop it."

What is the point in this, please?

You stop them shagging, then have to deal with the fact that he was planning to and the reason he didn't is because you stopped it. The damage is done and is not much different than if they'd actually shagged.

madonnawhore · 22/03/2011 14:25

What other things in the past have made you suspicious OP? Why this niggle now?

FourFortyFour · 22/03/2011 14:30

TobyL - some women would prefer to stop it and have the opportunity to sort the relationship out.

notrightnow · 22/03/2011 14:30

BrokenTree, you need to think very hard about whether this is a can of worms you want to open.

If you have lots of other grounds for suspicion and are unhappy in your relationship, and are prepared to confront your husband rather than worry, then go ahead and dig around further. But the other option is to tell yourself very firmly that there is no problem here, and put it to the back of your mind and carry on as usual.

Once you know something, you can't go back, and you need to decide what the consquences are of knowing, IYSWIM.

Original poster
BrokenTree · 22/03/2011 14:32

Thank you for the laugh BornAgain I needed that. Also the "get a grip" made me smile as well.

Just spoken on the phone - I was trying to act all calm and normal then just blurted out "I hope you've managed to sort out the hotel booking" Blush He gave an exasperated sigh and said quite firmly "I told you my secretary must have made a mistake". But am sure he said he booked it himself originally. Confused

I then asked what time he was meeting his colleague (whom I have never heard of btw - it's networking apparently) and he said 6ish for a drink then off for a bite to eat but he didn't know where.

Am aware that I am sounding like a paranoid numpty so will head off to try and achieve something today. Had 6 cups of coffee and half an orange so feeling pretty weird all round.

The hotel is over 100 miles away so no chance of just happening to pop in. Also, I know that if I ring the hotel to try and see who is there they will be non-commital (sister used to work at a hotel and I know they never give out info about guests over the phone.

Thanks once again all of you. It helps to just write it down even though I still have a horrible feeling about this. Hopefully I'm wrong. Sad

OP posts:
BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 22/03/2011 14:32

notrightnow, with respect, who in their right minds would rather put it to the back of their mind and carry on as normal? Shock

FourFortyFour · 22/03/2011 14:35

I would be tempted to appeal to the receptionist sympathetic side.

notrightnow · 22/03/2011 14:36

BornAgain, I'm just trying to say that in this situation where you have a suspicion about something which is not base on anything concrete, you might be causing a problem where there isn't one by 'investigating'. Suspicions can be completely unfounded, and a lot of trust is then lost by confronting the other party.

We all deal with this stuff differently.

emmybooboo · 22/03/2011 14:39

Well he is lying to you then, so why not ask him why. I'd say from the op, no grounds to suspect really, now I would.

He said clearly he made the booking himself with a credit card, and it must have been a slip of the finger. You said so yourself, clear as day, read your posts back.

He is now trying to blame it on a mistake his secretary made..........why change the story? Liars always forget what they have said.

Don't doubt yourself read your posts and ask him.

happiestblonde · 22/03/2011 14:39

I'd get a train up there. But then I'm a bit of a psycho.

notrightnow · 22/03/2011 14:41

Sorry, pressed post before I meant to.

I meant as well that if it does turn out that a husband is having an affair, then you need to think clearly about what will happen once you know, and whether you're ready for the consequences of that.