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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel so hopeless - what should I do

781 replies

Holdmyhand · 21/03/2011 17:01

I am really looking for some advice. My h has been h is having an affair, I found out 5 months ago. We agreed to try again. I tried. He kept in contact with her behind my back. We got on ok while 'trying' & physical relationship mostly ok. I recently found out he's still seeing her - he now says he loves her & not me but cares about me. We have 3 dcs under 8. I really dont want my relationship to end. When we don't talk about our relationship we get on really well. He said on Saturday that he will be moving out at some point to be with her but will always be there for me & kids.
We still had sex Saturday & Sunday but he did not want full intercourse. We still sleep in same bed.
I know he has been with her today.
I have been getting bad anxiety attacks about the future and what will happen and how I cope. Am on Ads. We are very short of money. Him moving out will have huge financial implications.
If he leaves I have to cope alone with 3 dcs, my job, the house etc etc I still love him - we have been together 23 years. I feel hopeless. My life has stopped.
I am not eating or sleeping. I can't even cry. I am in a daze. I spend all my time thinking about him. I have no strength to cope with this. I don't have any real friends & can't talk to my family.
Please be kind with your advice I feel very fragile.
What can I do to get through this?

OP posts:
Xales · 22/03/2011 22:21

You have to make it clear to him that you are leading separate lives. By actions as well as the words.

He can't just swan off out every night, he has set nights & mornings where he is responsible for the children, as he would be if he lived elsewhere and had access. Find something to do to get you out of the house on these nights. A course, a friend or just go to a coffee shop with a book and brain veg away from him.

You are no longer responsible for any of his housework, car bills/tax etc, cleaning, washing, cooking etc. Just as if he lived elsewhere he is responsible for it all. That doesn't mean that you can't sit down and have a family meal together but it is if you feel like it not because he expects you to do it.

Get a lock on your bedroom door and his stuff out of there. It is your room he has no rights to be in there. If you can get a few £ give it a make over to be your sanctuary away from him.

Make plans as to how soon and what you can do to get the house up to scratch and sold.

If possible squirrel a little money away into your own account every month a little here and there just incase you suddenly need it!

Stay strong. It is going to hurt not going to try and say otherwise and you will have dark times but.....

wow the difference in you between last night and today just because you are saying no more is amazing.

Holdmyhand · 22/03/2011 22:33

Thanks for support - really does help! Trying to stay strong. Not working tomorrow which is hard as I have time to dwell - will have to get out somewhere & keep busy.

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 22/03/2011 22:38

good advice from xales

it's not just about where he sleeps is it ?

no more sex, no more cuddles, no more comfort from him, ok ?

LittleMissHissyFit · 22/03/2011 22:38

HMH, you know where we are, and you know we'll all be thinking of you.

Holdmyhand · 22/03/2011 23:07

Thanks - in bed now. Think it is going to be a long night. Want to cry but worried I'll never stop once I start. I know it is mean but I hope he is hurting.
I need to think of strategies to stay strong. I am worried about how I will cope when he goes out in the evenings and weekends & I know he is with her.
I want him to feel the pain I feel but I know I have to remain pleasant for the kids.
He wants kids to meet her. I've said no way at the moment.
I hope he is uncomfortable in downstairs room - it is cold and so full of junk. Has old single bed in which cat has slept on.

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 22/03/2011 23:10

Carry on moving ahead with your plans to get him out completely. Don't do any domestic servicing for him. Anything

You still haven't answered my question. I have asked it twice.

Not that I am being pushy Smile

sufficient · 22/03/2011 23:13

Night HMH. thinking of you. You've swapped your H for a bunch of MNers, we're much better Grin

PeterAndreForPM · 22/03/2011 23:17

I asked nicely, and everyfink Sad

Holdmyhand · 22/03/2011 23:27

: ) Peter - I know I have to stay strong on that as it will mess with my head if I sleep with him. ( although part of me would like the idea of him being unfaithful to her with me!!!)
After conversation tonight he said he wanted a hug - I did hug him but in a reluctant way.
I know I need to back off & detach so any physical contact not a good idea.

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 22/03/2011 23:30

Stop hugging him too.

I am serious. He doesn't deserve a hug.

Protect yourself and protect your emotions.

He is messing with you. Stop him, it is in your power to do so.

You are not convincing me. You will sleep with him again, won't you ?

Holdmyhand · 22/03/2011 23:38

I wish I could say a definite no. In my heart I want him back, I want him to tell me how sorry he is & that he loves me.
In my head I know he has treated me badly and does not love me or deserve my love.
I don't think he will try and have any sort of sexual relationship with me certainly at the moment.
With the hugs I think he wants to think we can be friends so he does not have to feel so guilty.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 22/03/2011 23:40

'With the hugs I think he wants to think we can be friends so he does not have to feel so guilty.'

For being a total cock.

'Let's be friends'. Would you treat your friends the way he has?

He's even cheating on his OW with you. What a catch!

perfumedlife · 22/03/2011 23:42

Sad I had a painful (understatement) break up with my ex and he came into the pub I was eating lunch with friends in. He had his new gf there, and new gf got her friend to follow me to the loo, asking me allsorts of advice about him Shock

I sat back down, shellshocked, and he came over, and wanted to shake my fucking hand!

I declined.

It's all about easing their guilt my darling. Please listen to Peter, the hugs you give will eat away at you later, soon. We know Sad

Holdmyhand · 22/03/2011 23:43

I know I need to keep objective!
I seem to need to love him or hate him - need to get to detachment!

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 22/03/2011 23:52

Make us a promise. Do not sleep with him. Do not lie beside him. Do not kiss him nor hug him. It is a promise to yourself to protect your emotions, believe me.

Get your fix of physical affection from your dc, your friends and your family

Not from your betrayer...that will eat away at your equilibrium and your self respect slowly but surely

look here

(((( hugz ))))

That is a special peter hug, not seen very often. I will even slip the tongue in next time Wink

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 22/03/2011 23:54

What I often point out is that if a human being has a surfeit of needs being met, there is no hunger or motivation. However, people will often take extra if it is offered.

It's only when something becomes out of reach or unattainable that we want it more - there is a strong motivation to get that need met.

Getting your needs met this way is damaging to you, because competitive sex will mess with your head and when you look at it logically, you are two women competing for a very tarnished prize. Having sex when you need to detach is self-sabotage.

What you are also doing by meeting any affection or sexual needs in him is also sabotaging what you appear to want. He will only ever want you when he thinks he has lost you for good. You and the OW are propping eachother up in a way; you are both meeting his needs and have been for a long time.

Being objective (and I know you're not) the best goal in these situations is for the man to be left with no-one. But all the while you and the OW are competing with one another, he has a surfeit of needs and no motivation to change or let one relationship stand on its own two feet.

Because you still love him, it's obvious that you cannot be hard-hearted enough to stop doing things for him all the while he is biding his time and living under your roof. So he will be there and getting things done for him, all the while he is planning his escape.

This really will erode your mental health more than you can imagine right now. At the moment because you haven't looked into the finances, you've no idea whether you could actually be better off with him living elsewhere and contributing less because of his rent.

This stalemate is far too easy for him and will be hell for you. Can I suggest that you find out about the finances and any benefits and consider revoking your decision to let him stay? He really needs to be out in the cold, because he is planning a new life on your time and in your house.

perfumedlife · 22/03/2011 23:54

Grin Ah, bless you Peter, you managed to make that hug sound delishes yet strangely revolting!

PeterAndreForPM · 22/03/2011 23:56

PL, any time you want some, just let me know Smile

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 22/03/2011 23:57

You're stroking your er...pecs now aren't you Pete? Wink

perfumedlife · 22/03/2011 23:58

Raincheck my lovely Grin

Holdmyhand, I hope you get at least a little sleep tonight, things will be that tiny bit clearer in the morning, they can't get worse now, that's at least a truth.

perfumedlife · 22/03/2011 23:59

delishes? Confused

Delicious. I have had twelve hours sleep over seven days, time to go.

PeterAndreForPM · 23/03/2011 00:00

I am getting oiled up, ready for tomorrow Wink

< checks bottle of St Tropez, adds to shopping list >

LittleMissHissyFit · 23/03/2011 00:15
Holdmyhand · 23/03/2011 03:01

Peter - thanks!!!! Will try very hard to be strong.

Wwifn - I have checked my finances. I have found out what I would get in terms of maintenance - approx 25% of his net pay, tax credits & child allowance. I would not get benefits because of my salary.
I have sat down tonight & gone through the cost of living where I do in terms of mortgage, bills etc
I have set up my own bank account.
Is there something else with finances I should be doing?

OP posts:
BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 23/03/2011 04:07

Holdmyhand, sorry but you are a mug if you let him continue to live with you, whatever the financial implications of him moving out. I can't believe you are facilitating the smooth transition of his new relationship. No-one ever starves in this country; you will cope financially without him. Although I do wonder it you are using this as an excuse to hang onto him.

Sorry if my post is harsh, I just hate to see women treated like this.