Feel so hopeless - what should I do

[Holdmyhand]

I am really looking for some advice. My h has been h is having an affair, I found out 5 months ago. We agreed to try again. I tried. He kept in contact with her behind my back. We got on ok while 'trying' & physical relationship mostly ok. I recently found out he's still seeing her - he now says he loves her & not me but cares about me. We have 3 dcs under 8. I really dont want my relationship to end. When we don't talk about our relationship we get on really well. He said on Saturday that he will be moving out at some point to be with her but will always be there for me & kids.
We still had sex Saturday & Sunday but he did not want full intercourse. We still sleep in same bed.
I know he has been with her today.
I have been getting bad anxiety attacks about the future and what will happen and how I cope. Am on Ads. We are very short of money. Him moving out will have huge financial implications.
If he leaves I have to cope alone with 3 dcs, my job, the house etc etc I still love him - we have been together 23 years. I feel hopeless. My life has stopped.
I am not eating or sleeping. I can't even cry. I am in a daze. I spend all my time thinking about him. I have no strength to cope with this. I don't have any real friends & can't talk to my family.
Please be kind with your advice I feel very fragile.
What can I do to get through this?

I hope it all works out for you, you have been through a lot.

Might I suggest that you continue with your bank account so that there is sufficient in there to move if necessary i.e a months deposit and a month in advance on a property.

He has done this once, he is capable of doing it again, plus he still works with this woman.

If something was missing in his life once, it could happen again.

Wow!

He has to be completely open and honest and accepting that you are going to hurt and not trust him for a long long time. If he cannot do this then it is not going to work.

It has to be zero contact with the OW. No texts/supporting her or anything. Just one question. Are you sure he ended it and she hasn't gone back to her H as he seemed so adamant it was done and dusted and he was out of there?

Get yourselves off to a councellor together and seperately. You need to take your marriage apart, find out what (if anything) was wrong, or rather what he thought was wrong, why he thought he had the right to treat you the way he did and what you need to change in your relationship to fix it and make it better. Also you need to examine why you are bad cop and he is Disney Daddy and get a better whole

Are you sure this is what you want? If so good luck and I hope it all works out (-: If at any time you change your mind there is no shame in that.

Keep coming and posting on here. We don't want you to leave your relationship we want you to be happy. If this is it we will be here to support you.

I am keeping my bank account and am still going to counselling. He is not working in same place as ow at the moment. I know he ended it with her rather than her with him because I spoke to her - also I have seen a couple of txts from her on his phone.

I know I am taking a risk by getting back together with someone who did what he did - but it really does feel like the right thing to do and also I feel different & stronger this time.

We have talked a lot about why affair happened and I think there were a number of reasons but also it was time & place. I think that h then got in too deep and ended up 'in love' - in some ways it is the betrayal after I found out that is worse but we have talked about this and I have spent time thinking it through and working it out in my head. I know it will take time to rebuild trust but a think we are on the right tracks.

Thanks again for all the advice. :)

Alarm bells ringing loudly.
What made him change his mind so quickly. One minute he was trying to divorce you and have the Dc's 50/50 to be with their step sisters and within a few days he has ended it with OW.
This does not sit comfortably with me at all. I've got a bad feeling about it..
Could the financial implications have more to do with the split than anything else. Or are they playing a waiting game.
What reasons were given Holding for his change of heart?
I just feel in my bones it would be wrong to trust him but l hope for your sake l am mistaken.

Doha - all of those things went through my mind too. I don't know exactly what did change things but I do know that things are very different from before. I am 99% sure that he is not having any contact with ow......I know I have to keep my eyes open though...

Be as independant as you can holdmyhand.

Although perhaps that is what he is starting to like about you, you moving emotionally away from him.

It's your pace that things should be going at now no one elses. If he tries to push you in any way don't let him. It's down to you.

Be careful and good luck with an ever watchful relationship to steer.