Just seen this Holdmyhand and your pain is leaping off the page. I am sorry. What a bastard.
The thing to try and remember is this. When you were a little girl, at school, you had your family and your friends, your life probably felt really full and good. You didn't know how you would love your kids so hard you would fight lions bare handed for them. All that was in the future. You just lived each day, and loved it for what it was. You were happy.
The marriage and the children are a different life stage, but you are still, essentially, that little girl, the one who is capable of being happy without the man. What came first, happiness, or him? Happiness of course.
The other thing is, you cannot possibly love a man more than your children, it's not the same kind of love. When you seem to have no choices, nothing good either way you look, ask yourself the hardest choice of all. Him or the kids?
You have those wonderful little human beings, he cannot come close.
My mother inlaw still grieves for her marriage break up, after twenty long years. When she came to stay, she talked non stop about him, and how he destroyed any chance of real happiness she had.
You know what, that's an insult to my dh and his brother. That's like saying, the man fucked off, my life is over. What, two handsome, hard working , successful sons are no compensation for a man??
Don't make the mistake she made. You will come through this, you will. And you will still have your wonderful children, and love yourself all the more for surviving it, and being the decent one, the one with morals, who stood by her vows .