DH having meal & drink with ex mistress

[MrsMiggins]

Just shouting at MN cos need to vent my anger & despair....
DH away in hotel overnight (works 2 1/2 hrs from home)
ex-mistress also works for same company and is staying in same hotel tonight

He at least now tells me when she is staying too so at least hes finally being honest BUT how would you feel?

I told him that really he shoudl say to her "I dont want to socialise with you cos it distresses my wife & she is the most important person to me not you."
However, if he upsets her she may make things awkward at work, and we (he) has decided that he staying at work.

The best revenge is to live well.

he is a prize arsehole and you deserve so much better!

Bosscat is exactly right. That was what brough my dh to his senses - he came round one night and I was mowing the lawn a job he always did and when he ofered to help i told him to get to hell that there was no way a useless twat like him was going to drag me down that I had done my crying gotten over the shock and was now ready to move on (inside I was breaking) I held it together and said that i could get better than him and would! He moved back a few days later after begging forgiveness, and never contated her again ( i beleive)

well just got back from parents
my brother & SIL were better than I expected and they will rally round
a friend from work (no kids & not married) has txt me to say coming over tomorrow

he has just rung to speak to DS

all afternoon DS has been asking when is daddy coming home
"hes not - he doesnt want to live with mummy anymore and wants to be nearer work"
DS said "I thought daddy was married? why doesnt he want to live with you then? I will ask daddy if he doesnt want to be married anymore"
hes 3 1/2
daddy phoned and all DS said was "why dont you want ot live with mummy anymore?"
then after receiving the answer, he gave the phone back to me & carried on watching TV.

DH has said that he has a v busy work schedule the next 2 weeks and we'll see how we feel then

I managed to end the conversation without crying

I have no intention of sitting back whallowing - I have always said about life - I can deal with the known however bad, its the unknown I struggle with

now my worst fear has happened & I will have to carry on cos of the kids

I will have to hope Im in a stronger place in 2 weeks so that I can make the decision for me or not crumble when he decides to make it permanent

I sound strong but my DS is stnading next to me and I have had my last cry in front of him

back later

Hang onto that strength, MrsM. You're a mum, and that's keeping you going.

Are you going to be going for any counselling during the next fortnight? Hope so!

Also, any plans to do something nice for yourself? Maybe your brother and SIL can watch the kids for a couple of hours one afternoon and you can treat yourself to something nice - a facial, a haircut, a massage, etc.

Focus on how YOU will feel in a fortnight.

got counselling this week and we were going to focus on rebuilding my self-esteem anyway

thinking of seeing if parents can have kids tomorrow for few hours so I can chat with friend properly

DS just told me he wishes daddy was coming home

so tempted to email DH with this info but then I am chasing him
am NOT going to chase at all and if he takes that as indifference, well to be honest Im sick of feeling so low

reading a story just now made me realise this is what I do every night - I dont even miss him that much - feels like a week-night - does that sound odd when I have been crying less than an hr ago after speaking to him?

am going to switch computer off now and watch TV & relax - I cant sit here all night thinking about him - wasted energy

night night

MrsM I have been following this thread and cannot express how sad I feel for you!
Remember that if you do not get back with your DH that time is a healer and just remember to get out of bed and breath in and out and take it hour by hour. Dont worry about xmas dont worry about anything other than getting through the day, loving your children as they love you unconditionally. I dont believe that you can forget all that has happened with your DH and how he has hurt you, you have horrible memories and they tend to stick around. But they do get less painful and before you know it this saga will not be the first thing you think about when you wake up, it just takes time.
When you feel like complete crap think of your kids and how much they need you and you will get through it.

Hi MM. Just reading your thread and thought I would say hello. In a similar situation and also live in Worcs, fancy joining forces? I'm tired of sitting at home! perhaps we could support each other through this shitty time?

i woke up this morning and didnt cry - I didnt really feel as sad as I thought I would
what does that mean?

am worried aboutr DS
only 3 1/2 but keeps asking when is daddy coming home....this morning asked why doesnt daddy wear a wedding ring - now Im wondering if hes taken it off and I didnt notice
I dont expect so....I think its cos DS said yesterday that daddy doesnt want to be married anymore

to be honest, it just feels like a week day when its just me and the kids

I just feel angry that he didnt try - 8 weeks is no time to get over an affair; SHE keeps telling him I wont get over it (she told me this); he didnt bother reading either the books I bought or my letter explaining how I felt & what we should do to try to make things work

I want to email him and tell him calmly that hes not excatly set a good example to the kids about trying but I guess people will all advise that I leave him alone otherwise looks like Im desperate....which I dont really feel....perhaps I am in denial or think that in 2 weeks he'll come back

onemoreday - I saw you lived locally on the Worcester meet-up - thought about going myself
I have plenty of babysitters so thats not a problem

MrsM I haven't posted on here before but have been reading your threads.

Please, don't contact him! If you contact him to tell him what your lovely DS said, it will be a boost to his ego because, as you say, you are chasing him. I know how difficult it is, but try to get through the next two weeks without contacting him at all. Hopefully this will really make him think and see what he stands to lose.

I'm thinking of you and I'm sorry that I can't offer any better advice. My marriage is a complete shambles and I'm hoping it will be over soon, so i'm not really in a position to advise anyone how to sort things out, as I can't even sort myself out!

take care xx

Have you ever been in a Holiday Inn ??

They are clean and basic,but they are soulless, it shouldn't take too long for him to come to his senses. Then you will be in the driving seat. Please do not contact him.

Interesting to note that he did not move in with fluff and her parents, could it be that she has not had the nerve to tell them that she is seeing a married man ?? Bearing in mind she only walked out of her own marriage 6 months ago. ??

8 weeks is no time at all. His head will be spinning from all you say to him and all she says to him. At the moment she is the new toy and what she says will have more effect.

Dont contact him. Be Honest with your children but dont be openly detrimental about him or they will side with him.

With or without him things will have to change and let that be your focus for now. Otherwise it will eat you up. The fact that you dont feel anything could be a sign that your love wasnt as deep as you thought but more likely you are on shock.

Hi MM. Yep I'm going to the meet up on Wed, I need to get out and show husband that I can have a life without him. If you want me to pick you up let me know. Otherwise we could meet up in Worcs and have a coffee (or wine!)

Big hugs

having thought about this I think you both should sit down and explain what is going on to your son. its very confusing for him and I too have a 31/2 year old who would be really devastated if he just didn't see his dad anymore. its all very well saying you won't speak to him but what about your son? you should speak to you dh and set out what you propose ie. he comes to visit son every other day or whatever and speaks to him every day on the phone. you can't allow your son to feel it might be his fault and to feel confused. even though you are confused yourself you need to keep it simple and clear for him.

MrsM
thinking about you today. One day at atime- that's the way at the moment. Don't try too many plans for the future yet but I think it would be great if you can meet up with other mn's in a similar situation. I remember when it was all happening to me although my friends were great, they'd not been through it and i so wanted to talk to someone else in a similar situation. I'm sure it will give you added strength.
The others are right- you've got the better deal. When my dh did the motel thing he said it was the worst time of his life- he knew he'd caused it- now he looks back and can't believe he was such a prise D*k H*d!
Take care- we are with you.

I agree w/the others: DON'T CONTACT HIM!

He couldn't be arsed to read a letter that was so important to you.

HE is the one who should be contacting your son to explain things to him. As for you, I'd sit him down and tell him that Daddy and Mummy need time apart to think about some things, so Daddy's stopping for another night in a hotel and then he has to go away for work.

As for what 'she' says, well, who cares?! She's a homewrecking slag who cheated on her husband. Wonder how he feels? Wonder if he 'got over it'?

mrs m agree with others dont contact him

he and her have disregarded your feelings

you deserve far better than this

dont worry I am not slagging my H off to DS at all. I have explained that he doesnt want to live with mummy and wants to live nearer work

the thing about H visiting every day will not happen
he works either 1 hr 40 min away or over 2 hrs away

he could have gone to local holiday inn yesterday but chose to go to the one where she lives (the nearer of the 2)
today he has driven down to stay in hotel at the further away one...so hardly the act of someone desperate to see his kids
he is not even considering coming home until 2 weeks time

strangely though he rang me at lunchtime "toi see how I was" and is ringing again tonight
I acted all upbeat and jolly on the phone, and he sounded like he was crying

I havent emailed or rung him and wont as he says he needs time to think so he can have it
I feel very calm most of the time and the kids seem fine

Well done MrsM. It sounds as if you control of the situation now and he is going to have to face up to the consequences. You can at last have a serious discussion about your marriage.

Have you arranged to see a solicitor? I think it would be worth it so you know your options.

I can't imagine not seeing my kids for 2 weeks at a time voluntarily at all. Or someone I'd hurt so desperately by having an affair. Guess actions speak louder than words, and his speak volumes. I'd at least want to talk to my kids everyda - if just to wish them goodnight.

And the hotel nearest her. Nice. If I were that gutted about the end of my marriage I'd find a place just round the corner.

'He needs time to think'. Oh, and you don't. Always putting himself and what he needs first. Real maturity at work there.

Keep up the good work! Use the next fortnight to focus on YOU and your kids and what you feel is best for you and them.

Did you get a chance to have a chat w/your friend? Hope so.

just to let you all know that I have rung the hotel (different one tonight) and she is there too.

deliberately sent a txt changing time fort him to phone DS on pretence I am going out. He was very cadgy and talked in riddles til I said is she there with you Yes or No and he rpelied Yes....so I put the phone down
Cant work out why he was being cadgy in front of her unless hes stringing us both along....not me anymore

off to CAB tomorrow
ringing hairdressers tomorrow & having all myu hair cut - been growing it cos he likes long hair
going out to Worcester meet up on Wed if you'll have me - promise not to be miserable
going to get a credit card tomorrow

just spoken to his parents who are being really nice to me - told me they love me and that if I want to go and stay or them to come down, they will

back later - just going to bath kids & put to bed
going to TRY not to open a bottle of wine....

Flipping heck Mrs M - the man has no shame has he

Well he's made his bed now hasn;t he!!!!!

mrsmiggins, wish I could say something constructive but as I am going through the 'can't believe its come to this' myself don't feel an expert on relationships but empathise greatly. x

his poor parents have phoned him twicve today and he has not rung them
my brother has txt him & had no reply either

Im the only one he is speaking too

I get the feeling the converssation would have been different if Id kept to 7pm but glad I didnt as now Ive heard him lying to her too
what an idiot

throwing a great family (and friends) and house away for an "arsy Scottish woman" - his words about her to me on Friday night....

I am actually a verty strong capable woman who has had it all knocked out of her this year

now I am in fighting mode and with family and friends and you guys behind me, I am going to be brilliant

do you know?
even enjoyed my kids more today cos I didnt have to worry about DH feeling neglected while I played with them, or feel annoyed at him sitting reading the newspaper ignoring us
my laundry basket is empty and I have very little ironing

I can eat with the kids every night so that when they go to bed the evening is my own AND I dont have to cook twice or eat the limited range of food that DH likes

I still love him though

Mrs M

You hang on in there, I am so proud of you this weekend.

LGJ