DH having meal & drink with ex mistress

[MrsMiggins]

Just shouting at MN cos need to vent my anger & despair....
DH away in hotel overnight (works 2 1/2 hrs from home)
ex-mistress also works for same company and is staying in same hotel tonight

He at least now tells me when she is staying too so at least hes finally being honest BUT how would you feel?

I told him that really he shoudl say to her "I dont want to socialise with you cos it distresses my wife & she is the most important person to me not you."
However, if he upsets her she may make things awkward at work, and we (he) has decided that he staying at work.

my MIL has just phoned but as kids were in bath couldnt go to phone
will ring her when in bed - they have really surprised me and OK they have a vested interest cos of the kids BUT even so

pity their son isnt so nice

why wouldnt he phone DS?
guess work comes first as Ive come to realise these last few months

DS doesnt seem bothered - this morning he said "can I use daddys cereal bowl as he doesnt want to live with yuo anymore"
Also said that "as Im a boy, when Im bigger, I can be your husband"

so sweet - obviously my genes and influence

BUT my counsellor has canc3lled tomorrows session for some reason - the surgery rang me tonight
thats the 2nd time shes done that - and her timing stinks
the first time she didnt bother turning up was right after I found out about the affair and now shes cancelled this week after hes left

might be time to get a new counsellor which is a shame as when she does turn up I feel we achieve things

oh well just means earlier to work so can leave earlier

her timing truly does suck... but you are going great guns on your own so you keep it up!

You are doing fabulously!

Wow, Mrs. Miggins. You certainly appear to be a tower of strength. Good on ya!

Your H's behaviour is truly shocking. I'm glad to read that the family (yours and his) are being supportive to you.

MM you are doing so well, and we haven't been shouting at you for so long, just concerned for you and the kids. Sounds like your taking great strides forward well done, and of course there wil be days when you don't achieve anything but jusst look at what you have achieved already.

You are a star. Well done

One day at a time, MrsM! Keeping busy is fantastic. More time in the morning for yourself w/short hair, too - I love mine.

had a bad evening but spoke to him and feel that he wont be coming back....think that he is also having problems at work cos he has had to tell the chairman and I cant see that he will view work affairs as positive for the company.

woke up this morning and sobbed so much...DS asked if I was upset with him which broke my heart

Got up, cheered up, fed & clothed kids, washed hair - took 5 mins & was so easy!!
Took them to nursery and got to work
Here I am & not crying

his newly negotiated pay rise arrived in thE post today for him to sign so have brought it to work to photocopy

also told him last night that he cant phone tonight or tomorrow
told him he should take Friday afternoon off work & come up to see his son...which he said he would "when I see how my week at work pans out"
Again, priority is obviously work for him

told him aslo that he is clearly only thinking about himself so I will be thinking about the children concerning access.

I feel Ive humiliated myself over the last 8 weeks by having a physical relationship with him when clearly his heart wasnt in it

part of me also feels that he was hardly here anyway physically & mentally so I dont actually feel as lonely as I thought I would

I'm really sorry for you and your kids, MrsM, b/c he's behaved like a real c*&t. Sorry to use that term, but really, a man who cheated on his wife when she had PND and just had a baby, lied about having ended it, but hadn't, and now makes it expressly clear his poncey job is more important than his kids.

That's just wanky.

MrsM
There will be bad times but I think he's put you 6through the worst time already. You have not humiliated yourself in anyway. You were trying to save your marriage under false pretences- HE is the only one who is humiliated and I think you're right this will reflect in his work situation. I cannot see hie cosy love affair lasting with all this going on and all work knowing too!
that aside- you have no need to reproach yourself about anything. You ahve acted honestly and compassionately and still continue to do so. Get tough on the child access thing because your kids deserve to have a routine and he has his priorities all screwed up!
Take care honey- you are doing great. One day at a time that's the only way.

exps
"wanky" sums it up perfectly!

I need to go home
just spent 10 mins in toilet crying
just dont know what to do - easy to pretend Im strong
keep wanting to email /txt him
wanting to email his collegues and tell them as clearly he is still keeping it a secret
dont want her anywhere near my kids but wont be able to stop that

its all sh't
people say hes the one losing out but doesnt feel like it

my SIL pointed out something last night

he had a childhood sweetheart - got a job & moved away from her coming home at weekends - had an affair with work collegue & and left sweetheart & set up with her
moved down here - this partner had a fling & he kicked her out
gets together with me - starts working away a lot cos of job - starts affair

obviously finds it hard to be away - out of sight etc and looks for someone to replace the one at home

she reckons this is a pattern that means he probably do it again or end up lonely

Go home, get in the bath, get into your bathrobe, and watch crappy television.

You were bound to crash and burn eventually, let this be your indulgence day.

Tomorrow be strong.

LGJ

Oh and buy some chocolate on the way.

MrsMiggins, I understand the feeling humiliated but as has been said you were being genuine he was not. I completely understand how betrayed and hopeless you feel but you can do it without him. You deserve better. How he is treating his children says it all really but it still hurts desperately to know you misjudged the person you chose to spend your life with. I really do know how that feels... be kind to yourself, give yourself a day off. This is a grieving process. Thinking of you x

Mrs M, be kind to yourself and go home. You've kept it all bottled up and sometimes you'll need to let it go. Go home and have some R and R.

Maybe he'll want to come back, may be not - he sounds pretty messed up at the moment and probably best left to his own devices. Wouldn't interfere with his work, tempting though it is. He's probably shown himself up already without your help. It is very unlikely noone would have noticed their relationship, no matter how clever at hiding it he thinks he has been. You've kept your dignity thus far, please don't jeopardise it.

Take care of yourself and the kids.

MM - your SILs story is v interesting. It actually means you needn't take his behaviour personally, iyswim. He is a weak man who leans on the nearest woman and can't manage on his own. he behaved badly because of his weakness, not because you have done anything 'wrong' (but we knew that anyway, of course!). No matter what YOU tried to do, you couldn't have changed his weakness. And he will probably stay like it all his life, unless he realises it and finds a way to sort himself out.

Damn him! What a bastard. I think I would tell his office what a tosser he is. Is there anyone there with whom you are firendly... and could leak the story on your behalf?

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) for you MrsMiggins. And ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) for the little Miggins.

Yes but exercise caution as him losing his job may not be a sensible thing just now perhaps. Thinking from the families money side of things
Have been reading Mrs M and you are being astonishingly tough here
Keep it up , it gets better eventually....

Oh yes. Piffle is right. Ignore me. Whilst it would be delightful to hear he had lost his job, it would hurt you and little miggins too. So terrible terrible idea.

((((((more hugs)))))))

Mrs Mr, I think you are doing amazingly well. Do try to give yourself a break today.

I haven't posted before, but just wanted to add my support to the great people who have supported you in the past few months of this rotten time for you.
I have read all 250+ posts.
I hope you keep strong and determined, get bags of self esteem back and show him that you can cope and move on.
It will be one-day-at-a-time as far as your feelings go, but before you know it you will not give him a second thought.

xxGingerbear

Just adding my support. I've read your thread and I'm rooting for you too (()).

I've been off for a bit, just catching up here. So sorry MrsM, this is such a tough time for you. Judging from your SIL's comments, it would seem he has difficulty maintaining a long-term relationship and behaving in a decent, grown-up manner.
Big sympathy to you.

Hi Mrs M I'm so sorry for what your going through, cant think of anything constructive to say as I'm going through a split too but big ]]]]]]]]]]]]

Remember revenge is best served cold. Don't tell work re affair. If he looses job / bonus/ promotion there is a chance kids will suffer financially. Cold blooded I know. My X left just after birth of DD (had been having affair undetected 6 months) and best advise I ever got was treat the carve up of house etc as a business negotiation. I wanted to say F off to it all but I was calm and ended up with all the equity in house.

From my own experience don't trust your parents in law with too much information, remember blood is thicker than water whether or not they approve of his actions.

Sending you support Mrs.M