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Original poster

OH being a wimp

258 replies

lilysmemo · 16/03/2011 10:01

Ok long winded boring story - but I will just give you the bones. My OH left his wife- for me, we are happy and have a wee one of our own. He usually has to go to her house to see his DD but occasionally he is allowed to take her out. I have only been with him once to drop her off - as we had been to his parents house- which is the other side of her house from ours.
When we got home he got a text from her saying he was not to bring me back to her house again ( I didn't get out of the car). I asked what his reply was- but I know he just ignored it.
It is his DD's birthday this week and he is allowed to have her on Sat- the plan was to take her to his parents for the day- but means I will be in the car when he drops her off.
I said- as a joke, shall I get out and hide behind the hedge when you drop off DD- he said , yes!
I said this was not going to happen - he accused ME of being unreasonable- so now we are not speaking and I have told hiom I am sick of him tip toeing around her- am I wrong here?
I dont want to upset her, I dont know her- but its been 18 months since he left her- how long before I get the respect as his partner that I deserve?

OP posts:
Original poster
lilysmemo · 16/03/2011 16:51

Ok "ladies" I am signing off now as I have had enough moral high ground for one day. I am going home to my flawed- but lovely OH- I may be niave, foolish , gullible etc etc - but I am dearly loved by a man who I dearly love- and thats good enough for me

OP posts:
dignified · 16/03/2011 16:54

Whatever did you see in this devious little man in the first place ? I really think you need to empathise with her because i dont think it will be long before your in her shoes. He,ll soon be telling some other sap how you never had sex with him blah blah and fobbing your child off for her .

Its interesting you say most men will cheat , personally i dont agree , maybe youve already accepted the inevitable.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 16/03/2011 16:57

A man who dearly loves you, but doesn't respect you. Ok.

CR - people may not end one relationship before starting another, but they should.

NewPathways · 16/03/2011 17:03

'A man who you dearly love' -yet call weak and a wimp and you claim doesn't respect you. Hmm

I hope 'love' is enough.

It'll be a long life sitting behind the hedge.

People are judging you because you asked for an opinion on something. Maybe the bigger picture we pointed out is unpaletable to you.

Your expectation that everything should somehow die down and the universe should bend to your perception of things is unreasonable. You asked.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 16/03/2011 17:05

As my mum would say, this will all end in tears, and I suspect OP will find out what it's really like to be the dastardly ex-wife.

As Oscar Wilde said, a man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy.

Shirleywhirly · 16/03/2011 17:22

Kew - oh, they both would, believe you me! Grin

queencat · 16/03/2011 17:25

dicikidavis that is very high brow of you I'm impressed.

Thanks for your support ladies, I'm getting there slowly every day is a bloody battle sometimes.

To make me feel better though I weed on her toothbrush when I went to his flat to pick up the kids. Please don't wear your judgy pants too much on that one. Grin

MooMooFarm · 16/03/2011 17:30

Grin Grin Grin at queencat - and very restrained IMO - I would have be tempted to poo!

NewPathways · 16/03/2011 17:33

lol that's what I call cosmic justice that's TERRIBLE queencat Wink

I can never understand how people who enter a relationship with an attached person are suprised when they are expected to spend the rest of their lives compromising/sucking up the consequences and realising the reality of their 'partner' having .....erm, 'divided loyalties'

That's what they singed up for. Why the suprise?

oh....wait...yes....of course....their love is 'different/special' and that other old chestnut 'just happened'

Wish there was a rolls-eyes smiley!

Hugs Queencat

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 16/03/2011 17:33

high five queencat

Awesome :)

queencat · 16/03/2011 17:34

I also wiped it round under the rim a little bit Blush

Shirleywhirly · 16/03/2011 17:34

They is soul mates, innit?
The other marriage was just convenience/she trapped him/he was a bitch that nagged him/sexless.

NewPathways · 16/03/2011 17:37

signed up for!

Doh !!

glastocat · 16/03/2011 17:39

Anyone remember the bumsex in a hedge thread? Grin

MooMooFarm · 16/03/2011 17:41

No but please tell glastocat Smile

FourFortyFour · 16/03/2011 17:42

Why do you look down on your boyfriend's wife so much?

NewPathways · 16/03/2011 17:45

Anyone remember the bumsex in a hedge thread?

No!

Did it involve some soulmates, whose love was 'different' and 'just happened' and now everyone has to 'deal with' and 'give respect' to?

Sounds so romantic and windswept! GrinWink

Portofino · 16/03/2011 17:45

repect @ queencat Grin

NewPathways · 16/03/2011 17:52

Of course we are all just judgemental witches, who can't keep control of our husbands and don't understand the 'situation' and 'special and exceptional circumstances' of true lovers being thwarted by evil psycho ex(?)wives...

Wine @ queencat

glastocat · 16/03/2011 17:58

Bumsex in a hedge was about some poor sap girl who had bumsex in a hedge with a new bloke after their first date, then wondered why he didn't call her again, IIRC. Grin

Hawklore · 16/03/2011 18:00

Of course we are all just judgemental witches, who can't keep control of our husbands and don't understand the 'situation' and 'special and exceptional circumstances' of true lovers being thwarted by evil psycho ex(?)wives...

NP Love it!

queencat - it couldn't have happened to a nicer person's toothbrush Wink

ShoutyHamster · 16/03/2011 18:15

There you go OP, don't be too quick to dismiss the waiting behind the hedge option

you may get lucky

Deliainthemaking · 16/03/2011 18:15

no offence but being the OW willingly you have written off any respect in that area from her,

like another poster said you did not respect her..

However you should jump behind a bush just stay in the car or stay away is the best option.

NewPathways · 16/03/2011 18:23

Bumsex in a hedge was about some poor sap girl who had bumsex in a hedge with a new bloke after their first date, then wondered why he didn't call her again, IIRC

Tut! What a ba$tard! Obviously his fault for being such a fcuked up commitmentphobe Hmm

Never the fault of the woman who chooses to engage in kinky sex in ornamental shrubbery of course. Wink

squeakytoy · 16/03/2011 18:34

but I am dearly loved by a man who I dearly love- and thats good enough for me

you go girl... his wife probably thought the same at one time.. and if your idea of what is "good enough for you" is someone unfaithful, then you dont have very aspirations for yourself..

I would hedge your bets if I were you.. Grin