Lilysmemo;
What I have not done is judge, you, her or anyone else- who knows what I would do in your situation, or you in mine
The following are statements from you which to me seems to be all judgements, recycled justifications and/, contradictions and/or at the least heresay:
In your own words:
I dont want to upset her, I dont know her-
She picks and chooses when he sees his dd, and is liable to chop and change when it suits her.
it seems childish to me
when it was him who wrecked their marriage- with her help, and not me
but I have bent over backwards to ensure OH sees his DD as much as possible and have not complained when he has cancelled our plans to accomodate the whims of a controlling ex ....................What is happening here is control.I am not one to let anyone have control over me, and it bothers me that my OH can so easily
He tried to talk to her about their relationship but she would lock herself in her room or fly next door to her mother's to avoid the conversation ( I have not just heard this from him btw).
*Their relationship would probably have limped on for another few years if it wasnt for me, this is true, but her constant emasculation of him by overriding him in decisions ( including making him pay for unnecssary IVF so she could conceive- without sex)and lack of communication in most things would have led to the breakdown anyway.
I am not sorry for her, she has the child she wanted on her own terms, she has the house and all the contents next door to mummy and daddy and she controls exactly when OH is allowed to see his daughter ( who he is not allowed to clothe, wasnt allowed to name or allowed any other choices ).
he is a weak man- many of them are - I know a thing or two about men, and most of them will be unfaithful in some way given the opportunity- do not kid yourselves, they are wired differently to us.*
so the boy can't help it?
she wasnt perfect , they were both at fault in the marriage. I think she is an immature girl who shut her eyes to the mess in her relationship as she didnt know how to deal with it-
OP, relying solely on the fact that others are judging is letting you down. YES, Others ARE judging you, But they're telling you what you can't seem to admit yourself.
No-one is denying that the deed is done and there is no going back now. All people are saying is be realistic. Being 'judgemental' is the splinter in someone elses eye while ignoring the log in your own.
You just need to accept your lot, accept the consequences of your choices and adjust your expectations.
Simples.