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Original poster

OH being a wimp

258 replies

lilysmemo · 16/03/2011 10:01

Ok long winded boring story - but I will just give you the bones. My OH left his wife- for me, we are happy and have a wee one of our own. He usually has to go to her house to see his DD but occasionally he is allowed to take her out. I have only been with him once to drop her off - as we had been to his parents house- which is the other side of her house from ours.
When we got home he got a text from her saying he was not to bring me back to her house again ( I didn't get out of the car). I asked what his reply was- but I know he just ignored it.
It is his DD's birthday this week and he is allowed to have her on Sat- the plan was to take her to his parents for the day- but means I will be in the car when he drops her off.
I said- as a joke, shall I get out and hide behind the hedge when you drop off DD- he said , yes!
I said this was not going to happen - he accused ME of being unreasonable- so now we are not speaking and I have told hiom I am sick of him tip toeing around her- am I wrong here?
I dont want to upset her, I dont know her- but its been 18 months since he left her- how long before I get the respect as his partner that I deserve?

OP posts:
cabbageroses · 16/03/2011 14:03

Sorry but those of you are are talking about respect- what on earth do you mean?

Is it truly disresepctful to be seen by your partner's ex when you are outside her house? I dont think so. Maybe the OW should wear a burka? Maybe she should be stoned just to really make her feel what she has "done".

I have close friends who have had to cope with far more than that- such as the ex's new woman delivering and looking after their child when the ex has access, all without the luxury of a long break to get over it all. and having to listen to their child asking "Do I have 2 mummies now?"

These friends behaved with dignity and composure.

I suggest the ex wife learns to do the same. Her marriage is over- not least it seems due to her contribution to its meltdown.

The flaming here is pathetic. Families break up all the time, people find new partners and children are ferried back and forth.

OP- I hope your DP stands up for you- to keep you as some kind of harlot he is ashamed of, and cow tow to his ex is not supportive of you or your relationship.

SleepyCaz · 16/03/2011 14:10

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Alibabaandthe40nappies · 16/03/2011 14:11

Ah yes, the lunatic ex-wife Hmm

Niceguy - quite a few of the physically bravest people I know (jump in front of bullet types) are complete cowards morally and will always take what seems to be the path of least resistance. Courage comes in many forms.

Hullygully · 16/03/2011 14:12

It doesn't matter about the ins and outs and who did what/said what/left who.

What matters is how to make the present situation manageable for eveyone.

Why not just park a few houses away so that you sit comfortably in the car, he has a short walk to get dd, the ex isn't upset?

Why make life hard?

MooMooFarm · 16/03/2011 14:21

Hully I do keep saying that too, but OP doesn't respond to that suggestion.

squeakytoy · 16/03/2011 14:23

She had difficulty in conceiving, so had IVF, you get pregnant a few months into the relationship with her husband... cut the woman some slack here! I think I would hate you and not want you anywhere near me too.

I do think you may have been listening to a lot of tales that people who are defending your partner have spun you.

MooMooFarm · 16/03/2011 14:26

I feel sorry for all those poor put-upon men out there who had such psycho ex-wives; it's shocking how many of them there are - no wonder they had to cheat on them then leave them Grin

PeterAndreForPM · 16/03/2011 14:27

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SleepyCaz · 16/03/2011 14:28

MooMoo LOL

Hullygully · 16/03/2011 14:30

Sorry MooMoo - I only read the first page!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 16/03/2011 14:36

MooMoo - Grin

happiestblonde · 16/03/2011 14:36

It sounds like his XW needs to grow up a little - you're not trying to come in the house and chat with her, you're sitting in a car - but you need to be more empathetic to what she has been through as a result of your and your DP's actions. If my DP had had a child with his XW I wouldn't have looked at him twice - I think children are more important than 'soul mates' - but it isn't my place to judge.

cabbageroses · 16/03/2011 14:37

OP if you are still reading, I hope you are not too upset by most of the comments.

Unfortunately, any hint of being the OW and asking for advice does not go down well on MN- even though you are now in a full relationship with the man and have a child.

There is a lot of immaturity here, IMO.

Families split up, men or women sometimes find someone else as a lever, or whatever, to move on. It happens. Those of you who want to stone the OP, get off your high horses.

Too much hypocrisy here- when posters post her and happen to mention that they or their current DP were married when they met, not much is said. when the poster admits this and is also asking for advice everyone pulls on their judgy pants.

ShirleyKnot · 16/03/2011 14:40

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MooMooFarm · 16/03/2011 14:40

My issue is not that OPs H was married, it's that OP expects the woman he left for her to be nice to her!

And I wear my judgeypants comfortably as somebody who has never fiddled with another woman's husband, so there.

MooMooFarm · 16/03/2011 14:41

Don't know what's going on with all the 'bold' there Blush

happiestblonde · 16/03/2011 14:41

Ah judgypants, such warm snuggly pants

MarioandLuigi · 16/03/2011 14:42

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cabbageroses · 16/03/2011 14:48

Did she use the word respect? if so, I missed it.

It's not about respect- it's about the ex "allowing" someone to sit in a car outside her front door.

it's about the ex W still trying to cotrol her ex H's behaviour. She knows which buttons to press that's for sure.

why is it that so many of you automatically side with the ex W who may have been the biggest bitch in the world for all you know- but who is somehow being painted here as whiter than white by people who don't know her from Adam?

Their mariage is over- doesn't matter who left who, why or when- it's now that counts.

Youllskimmer · 16/03/2011 14:51

I think the reaction is because threads like these touch on mothers' insecurities.

That their husband will go off with another woman and that woman will have a relationship with her children.

OP, other woman and step-mum, is there any way you can get a mother in law into this? The thread would explode.

Ormirian · 16/03/2011 14:52

"Those of you who want to stone the OP, get off your high horses."

if only to pick up the stones Grin

MarioandLuigi · 16/03/2011 14:54

She said that she wants respect in her first post.

squeakytoy · 16/03/2011 14:54

the blokes ex MIL lives next door to the ex Grin

Hullygully · 16/03/2011 14:54

But what was she doing in the hedge in the first place? Confused

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 16/03/2011 15:08

Tadpoles you still don't get it do you, despite repeated explanations to the same frequent allegation you level at me on similar threads?

Some people justify their infidelity and never change their character.

The good ones do.