You wait, don't you, for the man to make the first move?

[IngridBergmann]

If there is a first move going to be made, that is...!

And I really don't know. how do you know? No obvious moves have been made at all.

It feels like we are very close friends and we always laugh a lot and talk a lot, but then, this is someone who has a multitude of friends and family and is very socially easy going.

He could be like this with everyone. I don't know if he is just being friendly, or actually does like me but is really, really shy of doing anything about it.

We always hug when we say goodbye and there is a kiss on the cheek but nothing else yet and it's been a few weeks.

He did offer to lend me his spirit level and so I asked if he had a big one, then we both laughed and he said 'Oh yes, enORmous!'

See I could have just kissed him right then and there but I was too scared. If he was shocked it would be awful so I couldn't risk it.

What do you DO? Do you just wait? I think I might go mad. But I will be sensible.

He's just being friendly, isn't he.

eeeeeekkkk

yaaaaaaaaay!!

Thank f%ck for that!

FLIRT your socks off on Thursday Ingrid.

Thanks, gals. Hmm...we'll see.

I did send another last night (it was Heroine's fault) which was very soppy and romantic but not explicit...just about how nice it was knowing he was just up the road.

He seems to be working from home today or else is still hung over and forgot to wake up

No idea what will be going through his head but I feel slightly better at least.

It was BB's fault as well.

I am struggling to think of a time when someone asked me out, rather than me asking them.

But don't say "I love you!" Have some fun first!

When a man says 'take care' at the end of a text, does it mean, 'take care of yourself because I am very fond of you', or does it mean 'your strange messages are too much for me, please desist forthwith and go on your merry way'?

I ask as I had a persistent ex last year who kept sending me shitey texts and I replied with a deadpan answer and 'take care'. It's non committal isn't it.

Roll on Thursday.

Depends what else he said? Let's go for "glass half full" and say it's the first of those :)

Take care not good, kind of thing you say to old relative instead of hot woman who you fancy!

I think you just need to play it really cool, don't always text him back, certainly not soppy stuff.

I am in a different but similar situation to you Ingrid, and have no helpful advice but I do know when I say 'Take care', what I really mean is 'I want to drag you by the short and curlies into the bushes and have my very wicked, debauched and decadent way with you' HTH!!

Ingrid - I think you have both been doing the right thing so far. Especially as he is busy with work and you both have children to think of.

Two or three months is hardly any time at all really. I know a bloke that spent nearly two years being friends with a woman, having coffee, hugging her and kissing her on the cheek until she eventually lost patience and decided to force the pace.

They are still married 27 years later with two lovely children, still best of friends and still having coffee together every day.

oh that is reassuring BB. I want it to be right, even if I can't make it work, if we're not right for each other at least we will both have acted well. And I've not pretended anything to him, (apart from that I don't feel impelled to see him every single day!) I've said things that I felt and been genuine and nice, and he has been genuine and nice, too. So really if he looked at that text last night and thought 'Oh feck, she really is getting carried away' the worst that can happen is that he avoids talking to me. And my guess is he will not do that but will still be friendly.

Glad that 'take care' could mean anything, either way! And to hear nice stories about women making the moves.
It almost feels as though nothing needs to be said. We're moving along at a gentle pace but I'm happy, and I hope he is too. I said how I felt in the text, not 'this means that we are now an item' but just how I felt, like you should be able to with a good friend so I hope he won't have been offended or freaked out. If he's going to text me at sodding 10pm then he can expect the ravings of a sleep deprived madwoman. It's his own fault

ingrid - when i first went out with dp, we had to take our kids as neither of us could afford babysitters, sounds odd but ti worked for us - was completely natural and lovely. we went playing crazy golf, we'd talked in the car (didn't stop) but round the course, he would hold my bag for me but wouldn't come near me i lost my patience and was touching him onthe arm every chance i got and even put my hand on his chest when we were both laughing about somethign (it kind of backfired cos i got very flustered ), and i went to kiss him first! so sometimes, it does then good if you lose you patience

and as for him texting you at 10pm, do you need a sledgehammer sized hint for you to find out if he lieks you bloody well ask him woman

Oh that is lovely - I'm glad it worked for you
I wonder if sometimes they really just need us to do it for them.

I still haven't heard from him, since I sent that text on Sunday night...it was very obvious that I like him by what it said. So, either no news is good news and he's lost the power of text/speech (actually how would anyone not especially poetic respond to a daft text like that - I think he would be like this ) or else he is hoping to avoid me permanently.

I have a plan to carry on being friendly and not make a big deal of it. Yes I like him a lot, yes he probably knows that now, and yes we are still friends as far as I'm concerned whether he reciprocates those feelings or not. It's no biggy.

At least he hasn't sent a text saying 'you are a loon, plese desist immediately'. Nor has he sent one that says 'you are the light in my days, meet me at the corner at midnight for a good rollicking'.

It all hangs in the balance.

My advice - you both get drunk and then snog his face off.

HTH

LOL

HE CALLED!!!!! just now. He was quite difficult to understand as he was walking down to town to meet friends, so I only got the gist of it.

Basically he wanted to say sorry for not replying to the text, it's been a busy week - well, it really has, I know that! But through my exhuberant apologies for being a bit mad the other night, I just about made out that he hadn't known what to say...I said I was just sitting there and writing whatever I was feeling, and it didn't mean anything (hoping to reassure him) and he said 'Oh don't say that!'
He sounded very nervous and very jolly anyway. So we're still alright

He might just be being nice about it, I don't know, but it doesn't matter because we're still friends anyway I think. He said we'll have to catch up later (in the week? next week? not sure).

But he called. He called, he called, he called. You can go and buy a hat now if you want

HE LIKES YOU!

Seriously.....it's so obvious

If he was just being nice about it I doubt he'd have bothered his arse to phone you!

Yay!

Argh! The sexual tension is killing me!

OP, please get over your insecurities and snog him.

At least by taking the iniative, you will be spared the 3 years, on and off, that I wasted, pining after a lovely guy who seemed to be interested (all our mutual friends agreed), who even agreed to go on a date to the cinema and swimming with me, would phone me now and then, text me, etc but who still never made a move. Eventually I did, when we were sitting romantically together in the sunshine on a bench, and he was aghast and told me was gay, but in the closet.

Oh well, we're still friends to this day!

"I said I was just sitting there and writing whatever I was feeling, and it didn't mean anything (hoping to reassure him) and he said 'Oh don't say that!' smile"

Don't do that again! Sometimes you have to just brazen it out. You sent him a text saying how you felt, he calls you and you told him it didn't mean anything!

I know it's hard, but if that happens again, an uncomfortable moment where it's clear you like him, don't fill the pause by denying it, wait it out to hear his response.

I decided a while ago to never be embarassed by fancying someone. It's a compliment right? If they don't fancy you back fine, just hold your head high. When that's happened before, I've just said 'well, I just think you're a great guy' and we've always been able to carry on being friends.

Gosh, just reread and I do sound bossy, sorry!

What I'm really trying to say, if you've made a move in anyway, told him your feelings, don't take it back. Because that will confuse him, and make him even more nervous.

Maybe you need to say to him 'I think you're great, it would be really nice to spend some time together without the kids around, would you like to....'

That way your intentions are clear, but if he isn't interested it's very easy for him to say 'I think I like it how things are' and then you stay friends.

Good luck anyway! Definitely sounds like he's interested.

Yes, I regretted it straight away - the thing is he sounded so blustery and scared and I was trying so hard to make him relax, also to protect myself though. what a nobber i was to say that.

I texted after saying thanks for calling, thought I had blown it, and something about what he's doing at the moment and it will all be fine because he's brilliant.

then later I said I'd be up for a while if he was passing on the way home. He texted at about 11.30 saying he was back and it was prob too late to call round...it sounded like a question so I said I'm still awake, but it's ok if he just needs to sleep. He didn't come over - would have been a bit too much I think for the poor guy! Seeing me in my uber glamorous pjs (not)

Nerves have so much to answer for. You're right though, the fact he called after that text was really brave and it must mean he wasn't upset by it.

I need to do something. Will prob see him tmrw and take it from there.

Nijinsky - how embarrassing! But yes as long as you're still friends

oh good lord - have been watching this thread and am sooooo hoping something happens - it's just too much!

Keep us posted and be brave - go for it!!

Don't let it be something you regret not going for Ingrid. Pride and all that can be dusted off and I know the fear of rejection and messing the existing friendship up, but life is precious and too short for what ifs.

If it isn't what you hope that will be sad but if it could be and ifsomewhere down the line you look back and realise you should have taken a leap of faith,.... I don't know..you would just kick yourself I think, knowing what could have been.

You really do only live once IYSWIM......

But I do understand the bitter sweetness of what you are going through... x

Come on girl!!!!

This is so sweet.. I definitely think he likes you but yes, the time has probably come to up your game a bit, both of you!

It's so hard...I think the reason it's hard is that he's lovely to EVERYone, really friendly, easy going and can talk to the mums as well as the dads at school...he's just a gorgeous, gorgeous bloke and everyone likes him.

It's uite difficult to distinguish between someone being very friendly because they are just built that way, and someone doing it because they're in love with you iyswim.

I'll let you know, I promise, and sorry for the ever building tension, if I didn't write these things down I would probably explode - I'm not trying to wind people up, just in case anyone is thinking . I'm just genuinely crap with men and haven't a feckin clue what I'm doing!

So thankyou very much for giving me the confidence to think positively about this.