You wait, don't you, for the man to make the first move?

[IngridBergmann]

If there is a first move going to be made, that is...!

And I really don't know. how do you know? No obvious moves have been made at all.

It feels like we are very close friends and we always laugh a lot and talk a lot, but then, this is someone who has a multitude of friends and family and is very socially easy going.

He could be like this with everyone. I don't know if he is just being friendly, or actually does like me but is really, really shy of doing anything about it.

We always hug when we say goodbye and there is a kiss on the cheek but nothing else yet and it's been a few weeks.

He did offer to lend me his spirit level and so I asked if he had a big one, then we both laughed and he said 'Oh yes, enORmous!'

See I could have just kissed him right then and there but I was too scared. If he was shocked it would be awful so I couldn't risk it.

What do you DO? Do you just wait? I think I might go mad. But I will be sensible.

He's just being friendly, isn't he.

I dunno...I wonder..I think he was just being tactful. He probably hadn't a clue what to say.

I might get drunk and lunge one of these days..

I think he is interested too. Could he be just a bit nervous about starting something? Things may still progress............

I really think he is taking his lead from you.

Time to get unequivocal.

Life's short. He'll snog you back, I reckon.

Well, I don't know. I want to respect his nervousness! And he doesn't know me very well yet.
It's fair enough to take some time, really. Just a bugger for me and my hormones!

If we do carry on like this and become closer, then who knows. I guess I could just go for it, but without it being clear, well, I'd be taking on all the responsibility - and he might just be going along for the ride iyswim.

I see what you mean, it's possible he's taking the lead from me - but if he liked me that much I think he would not be so reticent.

If only I could read his mind! I've told him the whole story of how I fell for him, including the 'that time you spoke to me and I was like 'OHMYGOD someone reallllllly good looking just spoke to me!' bit, and he smiled a lot but he didn't offer a single opinion on me, or tell me what he thinks of me.

He did say he was sorry if he had led me on, and I said no, of course not, he didn't do anything wrong.
Actually that's pretty unequivocal isn't it. If he felt he should apologise then it obviously means he doesn't fancy me.

Never mind...at least we are getting on really well. I'm grateful; for that.

Oh, I didn't catch that bit, sorry.

Well, good friends are hard to come by, so that's something to be glad of.

I'd perhaps knock the goodbye hugs on the head. You'll drive yourself mad, reading into the intensity, length of hug, etc.

I think perhaps detach a bit. It will be very hard, though.

I'll text him for you .

Four but what on earth would you say? He is not an open book, I know that much...very hard to understand!

Hello X

My friend is too shy to say it and doesn't want to embarrass you so I have offered to text and tell you that she really likes you and would like to go on a date. If you want too, just text her yes, she will know what it is about. If not, nothing need ever be said.

FFF.

Awwwww, that is SO lovely. I would take you up on it but I think I'll wait a bit longer, just to see if anything changes...something could happen to make it very clear either way.

Thankyou Four. You're lovely

.

Ingrid,

De-lurking ...

My personal opinion is that a seed may well have been planted. You are clearly good friends, and that is excellent.

On the subject of going out for the evening, request a night's babysitting from one of your mum friends in return for you babysitting for them in the near future (Maybe he would join you for the evening of reciprocal babysitting to give you some company too. Win Win!!!) Make sure you get your night out first, so that they can't take theirs and then not return the favour. You might be able to start a massive babysitting circle amongst the parents of your kids' mates, and no money ever need change hands!!

If you don't want to actually ASK HIM OUT, as it were, just phrase it as "You keep asking me about whether I go out in the evening, was gonna go out with my mum/sister/somone else, and now they can't make it; no point in wasting the evening's babysitting. Do you wanna go out for pizza?"

Just don't forget that originally you were supposed to be going out for the evening with another person (I don't mean romantically).

That's a great idea. If he asks again I'll say, well, you know we could go for a drink - I have such and such evening free as the kids are going to my parents'. and see what he says.

I don't know why he keeps going on about it. birthday very good excuse to ask, as well as he is bound to be going for a drink with someone else, probably a group of friends so maybe that's why he was asking, so he could invite me...guessing a bit though!

I suppose now he knows how I feel he might start to dwell on it. Not going to get hopeful again though, thatw as very painful when it didn't work out.

So I'll see how it goes.
Thanks for the thought

hmmm, I'll defo keep coming back to this thread, i think its a case of 'watch this space' if you ask me. I'm a tad excited ;) lol x

sorry but I think that "I'm sorry if I've led you on" speaks volumes. tbh.

Definately agree with wannabe here. I wouldn't pursue him after that.

No, that's it - the more I try and figure him out, the more I think he just enjoys being the object of attraction, and probably knew all along on some level, but he definitely doesn't want more from me.

I'll just move on - what's for you doesn't go by you, and all that...just a shame no one's been 'for' me yet! Am crying less. Things are improving

Oh but crikey, he's giving us a telly, so will have to see him for that and also the builder tomorrow.

I think I'll ignore the birthday? He keeps mentioning it. I'd feel mean not saying HB, but will take present back to shop! (won't tell him that)

Hello Ingrid, I think that it's okay to give him the birthday present and to say happy birthday. Get the DCs to wrap it (unless it's highly inappropriate ). Friends give friends presents. You're doing great.

Ok, I might It's not inappropriate, just silly...he was playing with one of the kids' toys the other week and just looked really happy, so I got him one.

Bit torn really...he's very sweet and I want to see him smile but I have to watch out for fussing over him when he will never fuss over me. I don't want to be taken for granted iyswim? I guess a one off doesn't matter.

Good morning Ingrid -

My only advice ( after reading back over recent developments ) is to have a happy nonchalant air about you from now on. That's certainly how I'd be playing it. Y'know the old cliches still work - playing hard to get ( but not too hard ) still works! You've sent out enough 'I really like you signals' - time to change your approach (just a little bit).

And anyway, Just good friends is wonderful - sometimes better than emotionional love affairs.

Ingrid!
I actually went to some lengths to log on at the weekend to see how you were doing (hope u don't mind and I even shed a little tear for you when I saw how it had all rolled out.
But coming back to catch up today, I am so respectful of the dignity you are showing... I would probablynhave gone under for a few days.
I'm inclined to agree with Carmina.. Nonchalant all the way.. Friends is good and maybe some day it will be more.
You yourself seem to be aware that he likes the attention though.. (I suppose we all would, in fairness) so just keep that dignified hat on..
And let it be a message to yourself. You WOULD like to meet somebody, so have a wee think about sprucing up that social life of yours..

Most unmumsnetty hugs to you..
I'm away now but will checkmback later.

What carmina and mamsnet said. Cool, calm, woman of substance

Thankyou so much, and how lovely of you to be so affected, Mamsnet!! sorry to make you sad, too. I'm feeling Ok this morning, and will attempt the dignified nonchalance thing despite having had to call him at WORK just now because my builder has injured himself and can't come tomorrow...oh dear...but anyway I kept it very succinct and businesslike.

And I've to let him know when builder does turn up. All these great excuses to call him, must not take advantage

Ingrid!!!!!