You wait, don't you, for the man to make the first move?

[IngridBergmann]

If there is a first move going to be made, that is...!

And I really don't know. how do you know? No obvious moves have been made at all.

It feels like we are very close friends and we always laugh a lot and talk a lot, but then, this is someone who has a multitude of friends and family and is very socially easy going.

He could be like this with everyone. I don't know if he is just being friendly, or actually does like me but is really, really shy of doing anything about it.

We always hug when we say goodbye and there is a kiss on the cheek but nothing else yet and it's been a few weeks.

He did offer to lend me his spirit level and so I asked if he had a big one, then we both laughed and he said 'Oh yes, enORmous!'

See I could have just kissed him right then and there but I was too scared. If he was shocked it would be awful so I couldn't risk it.

What do you DO? Do you just wait? I think I might go mad. But I will be sensible.

He's just being friendly, isn't he.

Not really. My folks are great if I have an appointment in the day or something, but they don't like to do evenings...if I was dating someone they would of course but I'm not. And it seems feckless to go out specifically looking for a bloke.
We both have tried online dating sites briefly but hated them; he's had some girlfriends, which haven't worked out, and I think it's fairly recent he decided it was properly over with his ex. He'd have no problem getting a partner, he's brilliant looking, very successful, very fit.

I'm somehow just overlooked - being a single mum without a job and so on, there is no time, literally no time without the children. And I don't want to go looking, really - like him, there will be other nice people who turn up in everyday life. Just, not many of them fancy me!

I dunno. I'll see what happens.

thanks, Fabby, I will

Oh I forgot to say, one of the first things he said when he got here was sorry about the phone call he took, and what happened with my friend - he listened to the whole story this time.

How bloody lovely he is.

Men LOVE birds who can lay floors. Just as men LOVE birds who like football, Van Damme films and cars. [generalisationemoticon] - it just makes it easier for them when it comes to conversation and communication.

Oh Ingrid, I'm so sorry that things didn't pan out as you hoped, but it sounds as though you have a great friend there

And you are wonderful, for god's sake I want to snog you!!

You sound more chipper than you did this morning, sometimes it's better just to know isn't it?

I know how frustrating it can be to not get time away from the kids, so many hurdles to meeting new people.

Oh, and my house doesn't need plastered but there are about a million other things needing doing if you're free for the next 6 months or so??

I will need to make a list!!! that's when I've made my own blooming kitchen cabinets (badly) and tiled it all and all that. You might need to wait about 6 months!
I'm slightly scared about this project, it was a brilliant displacement activity in the throes of lurve but now I'm slightly deflated, it seems harder work!

Anyway...thankyou again, maybe this result will make some of you feel a bit better aout not taking your chance, I don't know - like, well, it might not have been meant, anyway, especially if the bloke was doing jack all about things.

I'm not convinced mine didn't really twig, but he had the grace to be very nice about it.

Goodnight all, have a great sunday x

Don't worry, Four. I'm not sure I wanted any more, anyway...we'd have had four between us already!

Am crying quite a bit now, just sinking in - it's weird, I've been on a happy vibe for two months, and now it's as though - well it sounds stupid, but there is no one to bother trying to look pretty for. No one actually cares what I look like or if I'm cheerful, well, just the kids I suppose.

It's brought it into such perspective and there's an overwhelming feeling of needing someone to love me, which I'd sort of learned not to feel before.

It's like, what's the point if no one is there?

Sorry to be so miserable. Life will go on and it's early days but honestly, so long without anyone and i'm not sure how sustainable it is for a human being. It doesn't feel right, somehow.

So glad he is a good friend but the pain of not being more important to him is frightening. Nowt for it but to get on with things, is there?

You sound like such a lovely, intelligent woman. I have been following your thread and I am sorry it didn't work out. But whoever you do get together with will be an incredibly lucky man.

Oh pet, hang in there....it's only natural to feel all this pain, and it's human to want to be loved....if it's any help I feel the same crushing sense of being alone too sometimes. I am on the verge of buying 20 cats and growing my hair wild

No-one's looking so I think I can sneak in another

thankyou, both...I know it'll be better in a day or two.

Pets do help a bit. We have twelve pets. It's not quite the same as a strapping young man hanging around, and they cost more to run, but still, it gives one a purpose

Ingrid - find something to hammer - that will make you feel better.

It isn't a waste. A wise friend told me I shouldn't look for validation from a man. I should dress nice, wear perfume, etc for myself. Dress up, you will feel great. you will give off confident vibes and the man for you will notice.

I am with Four on the making the effort for yourself Ingrid. Of course you are worth it. I understand and feel your sadness but please don't let it diminish who you are or how you feel about yourself.

You have quite a fan club here and we think you are really lpovely.

If I had a piece of advise I would say use your sadness and hurt to drive things. So yes, throw yourself into your projects. If you need to let off steam go for a hard fast walk and the adrenalin kick a in and gives you motivation.

Yes, it isn't just about needing to be loved, the need to give is equal to that. And once you have let someone in, it feels a bit crap. Can you 'pamper' yourself for a bit? In whatever way suits you?

Hello. We're going to move this thread to Relationships now - at the OP's request...

Oh thankyou Helen, that's lovely - you've all been so wonderful and supportive, I didn't want it to disappear!

Mittzy, I see what you're saying, how it's about giving as well...I'll try and focus on that. It does help to turn it around.

On with the hammering then plus loads of chocolate I think...!

Hi Ingrid, I'm delurking to say that I am a member of your fan club too and also think you are lovely. I am really enjoying your thread

Just read the thread. You're AMAZING op. I could do with some good woman on woman sexing. Wouldn't mind some group sexing with some of the other posters expressing their love either :)

Good luck with everything. You sound like such a strong, loveable person.
xx

I've just gone through something a little similar to you Ingrid. I have a friend who I developed a bit of a crush on, we get on brilliantly and tell each other everything, have loads in common and on paper we would make a great couple. The fantasising and flirting has been great but recently we have been getting a little bit closer, even talking about dating (and more) BUT, that has turned me right off for some reason. It might sound a bit daft but I feel I know him too well and dating him would be like dating my brother. Things feel to have changed for me now and I feel a little bit like you in that I was making that little bit of extra effort for him but now there seems no point. I suppose I was enjoying the flirtation and the anticipation of the 'what if's', enjoying the fantasy but then it all became a bit too real and I didn't want that. Daft innit

pokes head around door is this where the Ingrid fan club is?? lol Awww you know something, I started reading this thread like many others getting really excited! I even wanted to skip the middle and go to the last page hoping for a happy ending but didn't want to spoil it as I was sure there was going to be. I can only echo what everyone else has said...your just lovely and you and your children deserve every happiness. Well at least he knows how you feel, just keep being you! xxx

It's not over yet You never know, if he senses Ingrid withdrawing from him a bit it may just make him more interested. I'm going to keep looking in for updates anyway!

It's very strange coming back to this and seeing people saying I'm amazing! I'm not, I'm really not, although it's very, very nice of you! Be careful or I shan't be able to fit out the door, my head will be so big

Timeisfree, that's really nice - having someone like a brother is very special I think. Just now we went on our usual sunday afternoon bike ride round the block (translation: Ds1 rides his too-big BMX and falls off a lot, ds2 makes me carry his astonishingly heavy small bicycle most of the way because of the bumpy bits ) and guess who was just coming back from town so he invited us in for tea, I said no but could I see his worktop, (don't ask) and we had about half an hour in the garden just chatting. He was lying back on a trampoline. Seemed very relaxed! I had to sit on my hands to stop myself going and climbing on top but anyway, it was fine, somehow it wasn't so bad.
I cried at my mum this morning and she was very nice and said 'you just don't meet enough people' which helped a tiny bit.

I will just keep being myself, what else can I do - Easycome, sorry it wasn't a happier ending! I could have sworn from all the body language and signals that he was a bit interested, but I guess he is just like that with everyone.

Bats - not sure how serious you are, in your post but thankyou - I think!!
Hopefully we'll just stay friends and it'll be fine. I promise to update if anything DOES happen, though I doubt it will, now - he doesn't seem ready, iyswim.
Good luck, everyone in similar boats. It's been really nice talking to you and hearing your stories

Another fan here. I think he IS interested but is one of those guys that needs a drink in him to help move things along - hence the repeated request of an evening out. Please get yourself a babysitter and go out for a drink or 2 with him as he has requested, it'll pay off!

I did wonder - he just comes across as very interested in what he does, I mean lying about, stretched out in the garden just now, how could he BE more relaxed! But then, he said 'friends is just fine', so I'll take it at face value.

I don't think he was requesting a night out with me! I think he just thought it weird that I didn't have a social life. But then, he only has his kids for half the week, so he has time to do stuff like that.

If I can wangle an invitation out one evening I will bribe my parents to sit. It's his birthday soon so you never know.

Friends is fine sounds like he thinks that's what you want.
I still think he'd respond well to a lunge.