Blow Job troubles- bit exteme warning

[GlitterHo]

sensitive subject _I've never been any good at them, I too much of a gag reflex I can never take * ahem full length without gagging.

I feel really bad as I'm letting him down on my side of the deal as he doesnt get satisfied properly.

the other night was just messing around and he just grabbed the back of my head and was literally like shagging my head, felt like I couldn't breathe and was gagging everywhere told him to stop eventually, started crying felt really bad I should be able to do it :(

Any tips on how I can round it??

sadly glitterho it doesn't sound like he has a whole lot of compassion for your feelings, or maturity in being able to openly talk about your sex life. What he did was horrendous and he should be crawling across glass begging your forgiveness.

You have "put it on the table" and had a mumbled a response. In no way would I be satisfied with that. That he cannot talk to you about it, and be profusely apologetic then that for me would make me want to walk out on the relationship. I think my assumption that he had fucked up once has been naive and he is not really worthy of you.

How do you feel?

also- I did not realise that this was not the 1st time that you had told him you were "sick of it" and he had made you take his full length before.

Do you live with him?

This is sad.

You posted earlier in the thread,
"I dont often give them dont really enjoy them".

If you don't REALLY ENJOY THEM then DON'T DO IT.

It's not his right.

You are a person, with feelings. Not a service appliance.

Agree that you are probably quite young.

My DH would love it all the time but it only ever happens if I WANT IT TO. He loves and respects me. I know that if I never wanted it again, he would be happy with that.

Do you need to question his amount of porn use?

Perhaps deep down, you knew this thread would not be a 'Perfect Blow Job' manual. I'm sure inside we know when things aren't right.

Take care.

God op, I make no defenses for my term earlier, oral rape, which is a form of sexual abuse legally.

Your man sounds like an arsehole, you did well to talk to him, but honestly you should dump the fucker. He watches far too much porn clearly and it's screwed him up.

OP, how old are you? (out of interest)

Im 21 Rita Lynn

most of the time hes opkay can be a bit childish throws stops, I think alot of used to getting his own way.

I'm gonna be a lot tougher on him and open up the convo again, I may end this off now just as alot of you have been helpful and the message of what I should do is overwhelming.

thanks all I may be back

My DH has not had one for years, since we had the children he's lucky to get a shag. Maybe one day I'll fancy it. Until then he's lucky to get what he does.

Gh, you are exactly the same age as my daughter, the thought of her putting up with treatment like this from a selfish and immature man is horrific.

At your age and the stage of your relationship, great sex should be about exploring each other, making each other feel good, learning all about what gives the other pleasure, not being bullied into doing things you don't enjoy doing, it seems to me that you feel bad because he keeps implying that you are no good at oral sex - am I wrong?

There is nothing wrong with wanting to please your partner sexually, there is everything wrong when they act in such a way that hurts you, physically or emotionally and then they can't understand why - does he believe that sex is something that men do to women, for the benefit of the man?
If he can accept that what he did was wrong and unacceptable and can learn from this, you might have a future, you definitely need to communicate.

Sex should be a positive experience that brings you closer and is mutually enjoyable.

Glitter, you sound like a lovely young woman, you have taken lots of these differing viewpoints on board without defensivness. That's a great attitude to have, it shows you are mature and open to learning about other ways of livng and loving.

But he mumbled I would dump him for that. Here you are, conversing and open, trying to work out whether you need to improve your technique, and worrying about him not listening, and he just mumbled? You have learned what he did was abusive, sexual assault really, and he mumbled?

He's not the man for you. He most certainly doen't deserve you. You deserve total respect, love and adoration. He can't give that. He wants to replicate a porn film. And mumble.

You know where we are if you need any more input, GH.

(Just for clarity (and not drawing any conclusions as to what happened, GH), oral penetration without consent is rape Rape & Consent. It's not "oral rape", "sexual abuse", "sexual assault" or any other euphemisms. It is rape, full stop.)

He's orally raped you. Leave the arsehole. He's telling you you are
crap at it and orally raping you. Wrong on
so many levels. What are his redeeming
features? Actually I can't think of anything that would off set this behaviour :(

"He's orally raped you. Leave the arsehole. He's telling you you are
crap at it and orally raping you. Wrong on
so many levels. What are his redeeming
features? Actually I can't think of anything that would off set this behaviour"

what he did was unacceptable but this is a bit extreme in my opinion. If you are ordinarily in a consensual sexual relationship then you expect to try new stuff and inevitably someone has to make the first move.

What he did was to totally misread the signals and try something you weren't comfortable with. When you told him to stop he did. As others have said, some women are actually into this stuff and perhaps he thought that you might have been too. I do think porn use is an important factor in all this and it might help if you were mutually open about porn use and what you see as ok and what you don't.

Describing him as a rapist and abandoning your marriage would be totally OTT at this stage. Sure fight your corner and play hell with him over it but I do hope you are able to work through it as a couple. You shouldn't ever be made to feel sexually inadequate by a man and the way to avoid this is to make him talk to you openly about what is going on and ensure he knows exactly what you are prepared to do and what you are not.

errrmmm yes I would mind actually on the basis that I don't know you! OP is in a relationship with the guy so I think it's a little different.

OP's reaction to it seems fine - it's the reaction of others which is totally OTT - half of them would have him chucked in prison and chuck the whole relationship away too rather than work together to sort it out. This is plainly a case of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

I also understand everything OP has said about giving blowjobs .... I do enjoy giving them though but have never been into the deepthroat thing!

Hairy, op said she is 'sick of telling him' that it makes her gag. This is no one off 'mistake'

Hairy, op said she is 'sick of telling him' that it makes her gag. This is no one off 'mistake'

she also said he's never done it before in nearly 2 years and he was in some way apologetic. she has the right idea, she is working it through with him. It's really easy to tell someone else just to chuck everything in when it isn't your relationship. Things are a bit different in real life when things are not so black and white and if you thought about it long and hard then maybe you wouldn't be quite so opinionated

What's the difference between your throat and her throat? You'd get as much sexual pleasure from the cucumber as Glitterho will get from her boyfriend's penis being forced down her throat i.e. none.

errm nothing - no difference. But if I was in a relationship with a guy and he did it to me then if the relationship had ever been worth anything I would try and work it out

nothing beats an angry mob eh?

you are being daft. why is it better to run away from a surmountable situation than deal with it properly?? you are very conveniently forgetting that this is the internet and therefore not real life for you!! For her it is very real and she has to stand by any rash decisions that your lot coerce her into. Relationships are about working through difficulties. Nobody has said what he did was in any way right or acceptable. you are just being daft.

My advice to you OP would be (in my experience) you talk to your man about it, firstly YOU must decide if this is something YOU would like to do for him & outline what is comfortable/uncomfortable. Going by your posts i assume the way he has gone about it has made it a bad experience & you must tell him this.
I dont think deep throat is something you learn, you can either do it or not, same goes for many other aspects of bedroom antics. what works for 1 may not another.
I would suggest you tell him exactly how you feel about it & make him realise that you will feel more comfortable & at ease, if he leaves it up to you to take the lead in the BJ department. Otherwise you just wont do it!
My dh only gets those special Bj's when i feel like it & i want to do it & when it does happen all the more worth it for both of us & you will find you both feel better & more relaxed about it.
Relationships are all about compromise & meeting each other half way & that goes for everything in a relationship.
I dont think he sounds like an abuser, just maybe carried away in the moment & even maybe a bit selfish but this is something you can probably work around just let him know you are not totally against it but you NEED to enjoy the act too or its just not going to work ;)

this thread makes me so so sad. It's horrible to think that someone can be treated like this and then feel guilty about her 'technique'.
I would never ever ever want to have sex again with someone who behaved like this.
It makes me so sad to think that the OP somehow feels inadequate because of how this 'man' has behaved.

OP hope you are ok.

I think this thread is an accurate sign of our times, actually. The OP has admitted her partner uses a lot of porn and this is absolutely why he was hurting her during sex. He's seen this scene (and worse no doubt) a million times in porn and it's become normalised for him.

What's profoundly depressing is that the OP's instinct was to normalise it too and to learn techniques to improve his pleasure and minimise her pain. Awful, truly awful - as are all the responses providing her with with "tips" and neglecting to state the bloody obvious - that this man is fucking cruel.

OP, look at how this behaviour mirrors what else you are accepting in this relationship, please.
Don't be afraid to assert your sexual boundaries and please don't blindly accept porn use in future relationships. It has corrupted him as much as your relationship. Before he was exposed to porn (probably when he was a very small child) if anyone had told him that he would feel entitled to ram something down someone's throat and grab their hair while doing it - and not stop even though it was causing that person distress, he would have said that person was mad.