Blow Job troubles- bit exteme warning

[GlitterHo]

sensitive subject _I've never been any good at them, I too much of a gag reflex I can never take * ahem full length without gagging.

I feel really bad as I'm letting him down on my side of the deal as he doesnt get satisfied properly.

the other night was just messing around and he just grabbed the back of my head and was literally like shagging my head, felt like I couldn't breathe and was gagging everywhere told him to stop eventually, started crying felt really bad I should be able to do it :(

Any tips on how I can round it??

You might be right, Vicky. Fair point.

I've only ever heard the expression 'tarded' 'retarded' or 'retard' used in this context by teenagers so I'm assuming the OP is young and immature therefore (leap) her DP is also young and immature.

He treated you badly and showed you no respect. However, from what you've said, he stopped when he realised he was hurting you. I'm not excusing his behaviour though.

Your biggest problem is not how to give BJs but rather that you are involved with a man who is not not respectful towards you.

No Vicky, really, she meant 'tarded as in retarded. Lots of teens use it. She has also admitted her 'PC slipped' and she would never say it to a disabled person.

All largely irrelevant - OP he's a nasty shit and if I were you his cock would never be going anywhere near any of my orifices again.

I hate Mumsnet when everyone jumps on the bandwagon.

It's not Oral Rape, whatever that is and she doesn't deserve to get strung up over a badly chosen word either.

Op, he screwed up, he knows it. If he ever tries it again bite his cock. In the meantime if YOU WANT to give a better bj then incorporate a hand job into the action and use loads of saliva on the head.

In the meantime you may as well name change because you'll never be forgiven for that I'll chosen comment.

Yes Glitterho why aren't you more angry about the fact he disrespected you in this way? It really is inexcusable for him to have done that.

Does he watch a lot of porn? Has he had many real life girlfriends? Are you both quite young?

sometimes I really despair

I would say it is fairly obvious that Glitter is quite young. I dont think having a go at her is going to help. She does need to know that her boyfriends behaviour is out of order, and that a good blow job doesnt have to be like something out of her boyfriends porn fantasy, and that if she doesnt have to do it, then she has the right to say so to him as well.

If this is her first relationship or even the first time she has tried to do a blow job, then perhaps she doesnt even realise that this ISNT what a loving relationship is about, so instead of piling in on her to ask her why she "allowed" it, it might be better to gently advise her that what he did was wrong.

and GLitter... bite it if he does it again! :)

and I was one of the first to post and ask her if she seriously not realising it was wrong and realise since that might have been a bit harsh..

Squeaky I don't know where you're picking up on victim blaming in this thread, I think we are all just outraged on OP's behalf and worried that she's tying herself in knots trying to please this guy who sounds very sexually aggressive and like he doesn't give a shit about her pleasure or her feelings.

Glitter, you are allowed to feel upset and angry that he did this. Good oral sex (or any sex for that matter) is not about ignoring one person's discomfort for the sake of the other person's pleasure. It should be mutually enjoyable and both parties should always feel safe and taken care of (even if playing rough is your thing - which in this case, it doesn't sound like it is).

If this is his idea of good sex then he sounds as inexperienced as you are, so he has no right to call the shots just because he's seen more porn than you.

You are allowed to tell him what you like and don't like as well, and he has a responsibility to listen to you and act on what you're saying.

glitterho some good BJ advice for you now from me, lets get this back on track

Also, to all the posters who have been upset with GH vocabulary choice, she has apologised, and yes they are shitty terms to use.

This is a bit explicit, so please do not be offended

Tell him, you want to give him pleasure, but he needs to help you out.

Start with some kissing on the mouth/neck and so on, play with his penis with your hands, move down kissing his torso. Gently and slowly put just the tip of him in your mouth and give it some light sucks/kisses/tonigue, look up, look him in the eye, and ask him if he likes it, ask him if he wants it- faster/harder/more hands, less/more wet and so on. Try different things, keep asking him if its good or not, not in a demanding way, more in a sexy/playful way IYSWIM?
The whole full face f88king is a bit of a porno myth and IME it is more about a good hand action combined with a wet, good sucky mouth. If he is into you making noises all the better.
Once you have pleasured him, it's his turn, and again, lots of questions, lots of yes thats good, more/less of this that. HTH

Oh and the spit/swallow thing- decide what you want to do before hand, as if you do not wish to swallow, then you will need a heads up!

Glitter - I have a useful BJ technique that will help you: "If you EVER grab or push my head again, I will NEVER put your penis in my mouth again."

Anyway, you only need to lick up & down the sides, keep the lip action for the head only. If you wan to add 'enveloping' to his experience, spit on your hands and use those.

He is not allowed to touch your head, except for gentle hair-stroking.

I think he's been watching too much dodgy porn on the internet to be fair. Bite his dick next time

No one ever grabbed dh by the ears and wrapped their legs around his head? They find breathing quite tricky but soon get over it.

Trial and error, one persons pleasure is anothers pain. Sometimes it's difficult to discuss things and trialling them on the spur of the moment is how it works.

I don't give specific consent for every individual thing during sex, it just happens.

When my abusive ex tried this I threw up over him. Served the fucker right.

While I wouldn't be happy if my DH treated me roughly, he has been known to get a bit too excited at times. I've only just started on MN, but it does strike that people seems to get very angry here, based upon very little evidence.

I'm not sure I'd have dumped a BF for a one-off mistake, especially if he was suitably contrite afterwards, by which I mean chocolates, flowers... If it was part of a pattern of other abuse, then perhaps.

As far as BJs go, the secret is to make your hand an extension of your mouth. Try and keep the two in sync as you move so that he can't tell where the hand ends and the lips start. Using the tongue helps too, especially around the edge of the head and the bit where it joins the shaft (the frenulum).

I can think of nothing worse than being having to be appeased by chocolate and flowers after having a cock rammed down my throat until I cried

He does watch porn,
as for the posters I did aplogise, I have a sibling who is SN 'tarded is used as a term far more commonly used to described an Idiot then a mentally disabled person, its is how language has evolved rightly or wrongly I have never heard anyone use it towards a SN person in present day.so all this 'She's a bigot!' spare me and if its that offensive stay off the thread.

Sorry that last bit appeared harsh but I'm sick of seeing really out of line posts after i've apologised several times, no one is PC all the time and people making leaps about me as a person.

thankyou for people who;ve posted i'm gonna have a serious word with him I think

GH, have you had any thoughts about whether your boyfriend is a nice guy after reading the comments on this thread ?

and whether it's a good idea to reward sexually violent behaviour by "trying to improve your technique" ?

wouldn't you be better to dump this disrespectful twat and find another fella who won't try and force you to do things that make you cry ?

I have an ASD son - people have screamed that word at him in the street and he has come home crying his eyes out! He then spends the next few hours howling in distress. That's why the word is offensive.

I won't say any more than that, Glitter. I do feel sorry for your predicament, but maybe you need to think about words a little more.

Hope you get things sorted out.

This is outrageous, he doesn't respect you and I'm sorry but that behaviour is assault

This is someone I would be seriously considering leaving - I would have already

Please reconsider this relationship

yeah im gonna broach this subject tonight